LOST BIBLE BOOKS : The Gospels of Nicodemus (PART ONE)

Remember Simeon? The very old and blind high priest (read: @old monk ) - who held baby Jesus and told God that he was finally ready to die?
Apparently he had two sons, Charinus and Lenthius. (read: Clichy and Llugenberg)

That’s not the interesting part. The book then says that they were among the people who rose from the dead upon Jesus’ crucifixion. (Pamoja na kina @M2Random )

It gets even better… It then says that since they were as popular in Jerusalem as @uwesmake is in cheap danguros, everyone knew they were long dead (including the doubting pharisees: @patco et all).
So when locals claim they’ve seen them in the flesh, the ever doubtful Jewish leaders demand they be brought to them in the temple.
The two now undead men are finally brought to the temple. As you might vaguely imagine, the said scribes, leaders and priests were as shocked as Jubilee voters before and after kumira kumira (@introvert and his midget queen).

From here onwards it’s the stuff of spooky Legendary and of Biblical proportions…literally.
The two are sworn to secrecy and asked to tell in detail, how hell looks like, and ofcourse how tf they resurrected.

They both ask for writing pads (papyrus reeds/ free school tablets), seat separately and each embark to write the whole experience down.

Shockingly, the two hekayas match word for word! But that’s nothing compared to the content…that’s the whole point of this long read:

Too long a tale for one thread…kojoleeni hii kwanza.

Hapa hatukojoi… Kuna Mahali umekuwa personal. [MEDIA=giphy]DwqzBOEj0W4Wk[/MEDIA]

:D:D:Dwapi hapo?:wink:

Watu wanalala…

Niaje jubiliidiot, amsha midget asianguke ndani ya toolbox

@introvert ni @spear
Chieth ong’er.

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:you don’t say


Hii inafanana intro ya movie done by DJ Afro. :smiley:

:D:D:Dnaona umeamshwa

Nimeamka kususu sasa natafuta usingizi tena.

:D:D:DLalisha msusumko, kesho nataka tujadiliane kwa nini papa mtakatifu na kina kanyari hutufichia siri za Apocryphal books

Bangi sio mpya duniani. There were many false prophets and authors in history just as today. Numerous other gospels. Some wrote for fame, others money, others just for fun to have a good laugh…

So your Nicodemus gospel there was just one among many many other hekayas out there.


[SIZE=7]What Didn’t Make It Into The Bible?[/SIZE]
By Bart D. Ehrman
07/21/2011 01:37 PM ET
Updated Sep 20, 2011
Sometimes important religious discoveries are literally unearthed, giving us previously unavailable artifacts and texts — such as the discovery of the so-called Gnostic Gospels in 1945 or the discovery of the Gospel of Judas more recently. At other times modern readers re-discover texts that have long been available, documents, for example, known all along to scholars, but not in wide circulation. The Apocryphal Gospels — over forty texts in all — include both kinds of discoveries. These early Christian writings comprise accounts of the life and teachings of Jesus that did not make it into the New Testament, that along with Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John provided ancient Christians with their information about Jesus — some of it authentic but most of it, well, apocryphal. A good number of these non-canonical Gospels were once accepted by various early Christian groups as sacred Scripture; many of them contain stories that are bizarre indeed. For anyone interested in knowing what the earliest Christians thought about Christ, and God, and many other things, these books are indispensable. On top of that, they can be terrific reading. Consider the following tidbits drawn from a handful of these apocryphal texts.
[li]Mary’s postpartum inspection, The famous Proto-Gospel of James, allegedly written by Jesus’ half-brother (Joseph’s son from a previous marriage) tells a tale of the midwife who attended Mary after she had given birth to the Son of God. She, the midwife, does not believe that Mary has given birth and remained a virgin, and so she gives her a vaginal inspection, only to find that her hymen is still intact. God punishes the midwife for her doubt — making the offending hand burn — but the infant Jesus heals her, the first of his many great miracles.[/li]
[li]Joseph and Mary: The Generation Gap,Joseph is always portrayed as an old man in the medieval paintings of Jesus’ nativity (this supposedly explains why he never had sex with Mary). But just how old was he? According to a relatively unknown Gospel called The History of Joseph the Carpenter, Joseph was fully 89 years old when Jesus was born, whereas Mary was all of 15. The account goes on to describe the death of Joseph some twenty-one years later, told in the first-person by his most famous “son,” the Son of God himself.[/li]

[li]Jesus the mischievous Wunderkind.Jesus may have been a miracle-working Son of God as an adult, but what was he like as a kid? That is the question answered by the amusing Infancy Gospel of Thomas, which regales readers with tales of Jesus’ miraculous activities between the ages of five and twelve. As it turns out, Jesus was a mischievous young fellow and had a bit of a temper. Whenever someone irritates him — a rough playmate or a strict teacher — he uses his supernatural power to wither him on the spot. Eventually he gets his mood, and his power, under control, and becomes a remarkable young man to have around the carpenter shop and home.[/li]

[li]Jesus and sacred sex. In modern novels (The Da Vinci Code!) Jesus is said to have had a sexual relation with Mary Magdalene. Even stranger tales of Jesus, Mary, and sex were told in ancient Gospels; by all counts the strangest wasThe Greater Questions of Mary, now lost but quoted once by an early Church Father. According to this tale, Jesus took Mary alone up onto a mountain, and as she watched, he pulled a woman from his side and began to have sex with her. What happens next is even stranger, as it involves a case of divine coitus interruptus and the consumption of semen. Mary, not surprisingly, faints on the spot.[/li]

[li]The Giant Jesus and the Walking-Talking Cross. Remarkably, the Gospels of the New Testament do not tell the story of Jesus emerging from the tomb on Easter morning. But the Gospel of Peter does. In this text, discovered near the end of the nineteenth century, Jesus comes out of the tomb as tall as a mountain, supported by two angels, nearly as tall themselves. And behind them, from the tomb, there emerges the cross, which has a conversation with God in heaven, assuring him that the message of salvation has now gone to those in the underworld. How a Gospel like this was ever lost is anyone’s guess.[/li]
[li]Pontius Pilate the Christian Convert.Pilate is usually portrayed as one of the real bad guys of the Gospel and, in fact, of all Christian history. But in a number of books, often called “Pilate Gospels,” he is exonerated for having Jesus executed, and in some traditions he not only repents of what he did, but actually converts to become a believer in Jesus. In parts of the church, Pilate came to be canonized as a Christian saint. A saint? Yes, and the reason is clear. The more innocent Pilate is, the more guilty the other enemies are — the Jews. These are Christian Gospels written in the context of rising anti-Jewish sentiment, a nefarious underside to many of these otherwise interesting and entertaining accounts.[/li][/ol]
For a complete picture of what the earliest Christians “knew” about Jesus, the books of the New Testament are not enough. One also needs to read the books that did not make it into Scripture, books written by and for Christians to convey what, in the authors’ opinions, were the true views of the Christian faith. Some of these books contain ideas and perspectives that Christians today may regard as strange, or even heretical. Other readers will find them historically valuable and even scintillating. However they are judged today, at one time they were considered by some of Jesus’ followers to be sacred Scripture.
Bart. D. Ehrman and Zlatko Plese are co-authors of the new book, “The Apocryphal Gospels: Texts and Translations.”

Interesting piece…following

Niaje doubting pharisee, thank you for taking on your role. However, the point here is to only retell a tale.
PS: Your copied hypothesis would easily discredit the entire holy book. After all, it’s a collection of many ancient scripts. Deciding which to read/believe/criticize/dismiss is a Herculean task. Asande.

Asande Omwami…acha nilale sasa, digest the strange things am reading alafu niendelee na hekaya Mola akitujalia

Amka basi. I do love conspiracy theories. I find the Apocryphal books fascinating. But do they really teach us anything?

Exactly, it was a very Herculean task. VERY!!

But the task was made easier through divine intervention or divine inspiration. That’s why it’s known as the Word of God!

Not the word of Jews or the word of the Romans. God wrote it.

The Jews still hold on to their rabbinical texts from which the Bible borrows heavily, but the Bible was a word for anyone who wished to follow Jesus, the Messiah i.e. Christianity. Following Christ.

And it took almost 2000 years just to compile the Bible! Not write it, compile it. The actual writing started at the beggining of time. When Jesus comes into the story the old testament Hebrew texts were already in existence. They were the roadmap then but he came in as the foretold Messiah with a new Message.

Just research on how the present books were selected to the Bible.

Some books like the one you’ve mentioned or the ones listed in that article above, it was easy to discredit them because they had very little to support them. Was it just another fantasy to twist the message?

Thousands of theologians and scholars pored through ancient Hebrew texts for centuries, some even grew old and died still traslating this ancient documents. There were many councils called by emperors and kings over the millenia to view progress and to agree on these texts.

Some texts were hidden away in many places because the Jews had many enemies. And many did try to destroy these texts and many of it’s authors died terrible deaths. The compilers had to determine which ancient apostles wrote which letters. Who actually was a disciple of Jesus. It survived various reformations.

But most importantly is the belief in divine intervention and inspiration. You cannot possibly understand that concept if you are an atheist.

Every single verse in the bible is a hekaya written by a fucker with an overactive imagination. The new testament was written thirty years after Jesus’s death. It’s was not written by any of the disciples that the books are named after. There were so many accounts of Jesus’s exploits, all imaginary or grossly exaggerated. There were so many versions of all the books in the bible, the council on Nicae had to choose the most plausible and those that fit their narrative and discard the rest. Anyone who believes in the bible is an idiot who doesn’t know history.

Well I guess if you say we are idiots, it’s your right to say so. Hakuna ubishi. And like I said in my other comment the authors and compilers were guided by the Holy Spirit. An encounter that comes through faith.

All I can tell you is that the whole thing works through faith. Ndio hio nimeita divine inspiration in my other comment. God doesn’t force you to accept. He wants you to come to Him clean and innocent like a child, ready to receive. And I’m sure this is not the first time you’ve heard that.

But if you seek to be smart like Him. Ati to know his ways. Utazunguka hadi mwisho wa dunia. With theories that don’t add up. You know there were two trees in Eden. The tree of life and that of knowledge. So man ate the fruit of knowledge to know everything like God.

Hio ujuaji yetu imetufikisha wapi? Wewe kama raiya ujuaji yako imekufukisha wapi kimaisha? Sasa hapo ni wewe ujiamulie.

He makes the going in life easier than crashing through on your own.