Craziest Lanye Stories

Dem legit wanted another round! Mimi sikuelewa rada, it was like she was being controlled by a pimp jini. Why did she call the next day kama hakutaka kupeana bure?

Alikupiga vitisho baridi, vile alikumbuka Ako biz akaanza hizo ufala

She wanted a second round after extorting 1500 from you? Ironic.
What if she called you the next day for the proposed second round and then go ahead and extort you more money after having sex with her?
Huoni ulikuwa unachezewa akili.

Exactly huyo ni jambazi sugu

Yeah coz alidai dem alileta fracas mbele ya watu. Imagine angemwita next day na afanye excatly hivo. Kungekuwa aje?

I swear ulidinya jini. Those things will haunt you. Ebu tell us in like 2 months if ul still be having your nyota. Wasee hapa waliconfess ati mambo yao haiendi poa after kukula malanye…sasa wewe sijui itakuaje ume exceed umedinya jini…be very worried bro. :smiley:

Kuna jamaa alienda lodging na poko kuenda kuangalia miguu she had hooves and a tail. Hio hekaya iko huku.

He will reclaim his nyota from Ezekiel on August 13 when he said he will reopen his church

Rete number braza sisi hatuogopi kutolewa kafara. She seems like a good plot next time I’m in coast

Hizo story za Mombasa bado huwa mnaziamini? Hio ni story tulikuwa tukiambiwa tukiwa watoi. Ati mtu alisimamisha gari akapea dem lift wakianza kuenda huyo jamaa anaanza kushow huyo dem ati kuna msee alimshow kuna dem anakuanga na miguu ya ng’ombe hiyo area alafu uyo dem akainua skirt akamuuliza miguu kama hizi jamaa aliona miguu za ng’ombe na hivo ndo alisimamisha gari akatoka teke moja mbaya sana. Kuna pia zile hekaya za Coast ati sijui paka za huko zinakuanga ni watu wamejigueza :smiley:

Ulipata marks ngapi biology?

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Hehee, Na hii script huwa accurate na same.

98%

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:D:D

I renounce all sexual sin that I have been involved with in the past, including fornication, masturbation, pornography, perversion, fantasy, and adultery in the name of Jesus.
I break all curses of adultery, perversion, fornication, lust, incest, rape, molestation, illegitimacy, harlotry, and polygamy in the name of Jesus.
I command all spirits of lust and perversion to come out of my stomach, genitals, eyes, mind, mouth, hands, and blood in the name of Jesus.
I present my body to the Lord as a living sacrifice (Rom. 12:1).
My members are the members of Christ. I will not let them be the members of a harlot (1 Cor. 6:15).
I release the fire of God to burn out all unclean lust from my life in the name of Jesus.
I break all ungodly soul ties with former lovers and sexual partners in the name of Jesus.
I cast out all spirits of loneliness that would drive me to ungodly sexual relationships in the name of Jesus.
I command all spirits of hereditary lusts from my ancestors to come out in the name of Jesus.
I command all spirits of witchcraft that work with lust to leave in the name of Jesus.
I take authority over my thoughts and bind all spirits of fantasy and lustful thinking in the name of Jesus.
I cast out all marriage-breaking spirits of lust that would break covenant in the name of Jesus.
I cast out and loose myself from any spirit spouses and spirits of incubus and succubus in the name of Jesus.
I cast out all spirits of perversion, including Moabite and Ammonite spirits of lust, in the name of Jesus.
I receive the spirit of holiness in my life to walk in sexual purity in the name of Jesus (Rom. 1:4).
I loose myself from the spirit of the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.
I overcome the world through the power of the Holy Spirit (1 John 2:16).
I am crucified with Christ. I mortify my members.
I do not let sin reign in my body, and I will not obey its lust (Rom. 6:6–12).

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Good for repentance!

Lanye ni watamu boss. It will take much more than the blood of Jesus to save you from their pucy grip. You will renounce for two days then backslide full blast urudi kuwafyeka double double.
Weka religion kando. Think rationally. Magonjwa, wasted funds, wasted opportunities, aibu, karao etc. These are more convincing reasons to abandon team lanye.

@Enhe ile hekaya ikuje

Hii nimeandika a segment of it mahali but si kwa hii thread.

Nilikuwa tao ma asubuhi nikaona badala ya kutoa lock kwa wines and spirit niingie Sofia joy. Before kuingia hapo I had already bought General Meakins kwa hizo vichochoro. Kuingia ndani I ordered Chrome. So I was drinking the chrome, and the general Meakins kichini ya maji (don’t even ask why). Nakunywanga kavu so I attracted attention from people ju wako shocked how nakunywa tu hivyo. One of the girls comes next to me and starts talking, I thought anataka tu tei so nikamuambia a come na kikombe nimueke Chrome kiasi.
The girl is a 1GB luhya. She starts talking about how I’ve become big that sai haezi ata nibully like she used to. According to her I used to be in her brother school. Doesn’t help that I know the school she’s talking about ju iko karibu na shagz kidogo. Nilichorea the story but she kept insisting it’s me, even telling other lanyes how she used to bully me but now I can beat her up.
Since she was adamant I decided to go with the flow. One thing led to another tukaenda kunyanduana. I think niliingia kavu na kumwaga ndani hio part ni a bit vague.
Sa afterwards the girl “innocently” keeps my phone kwa boobs zake. Mimi hio time paranoia imenishika ananiibia simu. Tukiwa nje naulizia phone yangu anaanza kujam ati mbona simtrust. Ati ako offended namuita mwizi. By now tumefika koja. Hio kushout yake inadraw attention “YAANI UNANITOMBA NA HUNITRUST”. Ikakuwa a big deal out of nothing. Niligrab phone yangu ka nimetembea tu na mbio away from the scene.

Hehe. Elders si mnakapitia. That sounds rough Bana!