Went to a Matanga on Saturday... Saa hii ndiyo ameenda!.. kikiikiikikik...

I went for the matanga of my best mate`s sister on Saturday.
Poor girl was only 35 and Cancer did her in!..


Anyway, as i walk into the sitting room, my friend pulls me back and tells me ati hakuna enough chairs and do i mind removing my boots. They have a brand new rug and i get his humor… (anataka kunitafutia kiti kwanza)
He gets into the room and within a few second and before i even finish removing my boots, akani-show niingie there`s a place for me!..

Kumbe the only place left was next to the Pastor and i have now just taken the pastors wives place!
Yaani wife ya pastor ameketi kitako infront of me and i have just displaced her and i am now the the right hand man to a Pastor i have never met before!
Come to think of it,i am infront of people that i have never met before!..The whole room is full of strangers and they are all listening to a Pastor speaking in Shona!
And as if that was not bad enough, the pastor doesn`t know that i can hardly understand Shona.
He thinks im Zims as well!!

He keeps turning round to me as though expecting me to agree or re-enforce his message and all i can do is shake my head in agreement…
From the corner of my eye i can see my friend almost laughing at me juu he is the only one in the room that knows that i can`t understand what the Good man is banging on about!..

That was the longest 2 hours of my life and i had to listen to all the close relatives giving their speeches and at this stage my mate was literally crying.
To make things worse, i have a habit of wearing any pair of socks so i had different looking pair of socks and one had a little hole hapo kwa toe!..And everyone is facing me juu niko kwa jukwaa!!!
(i didnt anticipate having to remove my shoes, nobody does that majuu!!)

Haki i was so nervous i was sweating like a Peadophile in a School bus!.. kikikikikiki…

All is well that Ends Well…

After the 2 hour matanga, i was surprised to see that Zims actually have a Feast after the formalities are complete and it was All systems go you would have been forgiven for thinking that it was a wedding or birthday bash afterwards.!

Kumbe watu wamesunda drinks kwa magari and after a serving of “Sadza na Nyama” (Ugali sukuma wiki and nyama) we got the barbeque going nyama choma kwa wingi and the drinks and music ikaanza…

Hapo ndiyo nilijua enyewe South of Africa Africans kuanzia Malawi going south we are are the same.

Kuna beste Mzims alikuwa naa “Chibuku” straight from Harare and that was to spell my downfall.
Hii kitu sijawasha since my days hapo Kware in Rongai …


Wanaiita Kumunda and apparently its not illegal huko kwao!

These ones in the picture are the ones that my best friend`s step sister managed to smuggle out as we left for my place in her car! (Kitu swafi rasa kama Vera Sidika)
Ameshinda akidai nimwambie Diamond anasema nini kwa hii ngoma…


Mimi sikumbuki nikimkatia , sikumbuki nikiandika hiyo thread that was half done on Saturday etc…
But all i know is that we did it and she gave me the time of my life!
alikuwa aeende job jana but she cancelled everything ameenda saa hiii…

Mimi nikuwakilisha Kenya tu!



Ama Namna Gani My Friends?..

:eek::eek::eek: @Ka-Buda rephrase !! kikikiki

Kwa Kiti!
Not in any other way… wacha hizo… kikikiki…

Oh ooh , did you just invite the gay brigade??..
And as they come could that pastor be known as Waweru

a divine message - it’s time you became a church elder…

Nice hekaya. For once I thought this is your head when reading the post, only to uncover a lotion top aka drink top.

Very Funny… ha ha!

Wasee wa Kuradza kudubula mabhunu.

picha ya Fera Sidika lookalike


Did the burial happen on the same day?

Learnt somethng. Once was invited for dinner by a Zimbabwean colleague in Jo’burg and I met his ugly but very nice wife with a heart of gold. The wife served us dinner and we munched away as we chatted and I noriced the wife sitting on the floor. Ok this was uncomfortable knowing Akinyi or Njeri are in no hells way putting dey ass on de floor. Now I know why. Thanks @Ka-Buda da as uncle Bob says, please blow your trempet

whed yiu de seyin?

injaka tawe! :smiley:

Seuth Efriken accent from Kimilili

sitting on the floor

Heheh…naona żubrówka hapo background…hiyo nyasi iko ndani yake niliskia nilazima ikojolewe na hiyo ngombe wanata bison

As Jomo could have said Asante sana na “mongoo hakuberrriek”

You are my hero bro… absolute monster! Peperusha bendera kweli kweli!