Vituko nimefanya in this life

Ill be turning 30 in a few days and recalling the crazy things i have done over the past 3 decades,i can only laugh,shake my head in desbelief or thank jah for protecting me.
1.Trying to walk from Machakos to Nairobi(2am) after kupoteleana na my buddies at Masaku 7’s event.i was very drunk and i just wanted to go and sleep in my place.I imagined it was about 5km hivi…Nilitembea for almost 2hrs luckily after several attempts of trying to stop vehicles one good fellow stopped and drove me all the way to nbi
2.One time in campus one of my buddies came to me claiming some guy had stolen his laptop ati tuende tumtishie.Kuenda huko manze tuliharass huyo boy with blows and kicks wacha jamaa akule chini akaanza kutoa fom na kutetemeka kwa grao.Manze nikahepa .mimi huyo hadi tao to my bro’s place exile.Kufungua simu 5hrs later…attempted calls kama 100,calling the guys tulikuwa nao naambiwa ati jamaa amekufa .waah! nlizima simu nikaona nikama life yangu kwisha.After a few hours kucall tena akanishow msee ako poa zilikuwa rumors.Thereafter tulikuwa tunaoperate kama fugitives coz tulikuwa tunatafutwa mbaya.Luckily very few knew my full name coz guys used to call me by my nicknames.i differed that sem
3.Stealing money from my dad’s Atm.nkiwa form1 prymo during holz nliskia fathe akipea mathe pin amtolee doo bank.nlikram hio pin and later on nikaland hio atm card card.went to the machine nikatoa 100k in total over a couple of days.Luckily he never found out…I spent most of the money buying electronics…ps2,laptop etc
4.Kukula mcuzo…Manze am nt proud bt nkiwa 3rd year i fucked my cuzo who at the time was in form 2.Dont judge me though ,alikuwa asha ripen and she wasnt a virgin either so…I also attempted to fuck my aunt .my moms youngest siz…she was in her early thirties and i was just turning 19 bt it backfired .she never reported me .

5.Kuiba dictionary na calculators.In high school we formed a syndicate of about 5 people . we used to steal this items and supply them the entire Kisii area to shrewd book dealers .We even used to sneak to other schools too(mostly girls school).We would enter dressed in girls uniform after realising watchmen had started getting wind of our missions.On a good weekend we could steal about 100 books mostly dictionaries and calculators and sell at about 20k.Eventually we were caught and i was lucky to escape expulsion due to my good perfomance in class.2 of my buddies were expelled.One is in the british army skuizi

6.The day i almost killed my siz over food.Nkiwa kitu 13yrs i had gone playing and delayed taking my lunch…kufika kejani my siz had given my food to one of her friends who had come over.i was very hungry and i couldnt find anything .Upon inquiry she insulted me about smthng i cant recall.Nlienda nje in fury and rage nkasaka mbao mzuri.When her friend left nlimtafuta and smacked her proper kwa kichwa.Wacha siz atoke mbio akipiga nduru blood gushing heavily from her head…neibas walimuona wakampeleka hosi.Doc alisema ni bahati alikimbizwa hosi mapema…Usiku mzae alinifunga kamba akanipiga kama ghasia.

7.Grisly bike accident.When i got my first sportbike i quickly became a speed freak.I knew it was dangerous bt the thrill i got compared only to an orgasm.So one day on my up and about.i went to some local kitu afte kuwatch an early kickoff game…normally when i was with my bike pombe was a no no…bt on this day i threw caution to the wind.since the game was almost over…nlibuy Smirnoff quater and quickly gobbled it down my throat.nlikuwa nshakunywa 2 beers already…huyo mimi kwa bike nkirudi mtaa…i was moving at almost 250km/hr before i made a wrong move and veeredinto a tree plantation.2 months kwa hosi critical condition
nmefanya mambo in my short stay huku

Base ya jaba imefunguliwa?

Half truths.

Unaona vile trump anauma hio pizza? Some things umesema are wrong son ,plain wrong

What amazes me in this world is people who have a long rep like you tend to live longer… and people who are straight and morally upright die faster… makes me think on which side of the fence I should be…

ukweli mtupu wadau

Which bike was that son?


najua izo dictionary mlikua mnazisanya GAS na kereri. mnaenda kula lanye na io doo

boxer inafika hata 80 kweli? hii hekaya peleka klist

Do you have statistics to prove it or did you just pull this from your ass???

There are solid statistics to prove otherwise. Men have longer rap sheets and tend to have shorter lives than women. That evidence contradicts your jua kali assumptions.

Enda therapy jamaa. You seem to have had a very troubled childhood and this is not recalcitrance as you would want us to believe.

Hapa umetundanganya.

nlikuwa KH hehe

some people get it .Others dont

My childhood was fine…Nlikiwa tu extremely mischevious and i regret nothin,i got away with most things…Therapy ni nini …meffi wewe

Never a Boxer maximum ni 100. wewe hapo umesema 250. even a 300cc bike will struggle to hit 200

i was trying to be sarcastic you slow mofo.
It was a Tvs apache rr…what am trying to say is …i was going very very first

Has TVS apacheRR arrived in Kenya? and which year was that?

KH kuna time jamaa wa dictionary na calculators alishikwa and he never liked the experience. He was left for dead kwa fence after kichapo cha mbwa. Following day akapewa expulsion. Good times they were