Umewahi gundua when you are broke, everything just decides to go against you. Credit huwa imeisha, zile “dear” messages ndio unapata. Ooh dear customer your data bundle is almost finished, ooh dear customer your Mshwari loan is overdue and your loan limit will be cancelled, ooh you dont qualify for a KCB loan because of CRB; ooh you can now pay your electricity bill via MPESA, ooh you can go to your nearest Equity agent and clear your outstanding water bill.
Halafu your call log is busy.
Landlord CALLING…mama mboga call waiting…butcher call waiting…Denno debt sh6000 waiting…its like they all agree in unison to call you at a specific time…GOTV, you cannot watch this channel because your subscription expired…even oxygen you get in tots, you cant even breathe…the only thing that is always in surplus at this time is the sun, and space in your wallet. You get a message and you are reluctant to open it because it could be a bitter message from one of your creditors, you open it anyway because it could also be an MPESA message sent by mistake and you’d need to withdraw it quickly. You open it anyway, “ILE PESA NITUMIE KWA HII NUMBER, ILE NUMBER YANGU INGINE INA SHIDA”
This is the time you eat cabbage boiled and it tastes like kuku wet fry. You drink water and it tastes like delmonte. When you receive an MPESA message you get an instant orgasm. On checking you realise you had requested for an MPESA account balance, message just arrived…dear customer your MPESA balance is sh.0. You go to the kitchen to atleast lick sugar in the sugar bowl to cool the hunger pangs, you get two grains of sugar, you attack them with the little energy left in you at gun point, like a lion attacking a buffalo! You turn your head towards the salt shaker the way bruce lee turns his head to look at his next victim, sweat dripping from your face. You get 1 grain of salt looking at you with red eyes, it is lonely. You attack it with all your teeth out, guns blazing, like a hyena devouring a fresh kill!
You try to think, you realise wuololo, you have run short of ideas in you mental account. Halafu while going through your laundry, you see heaven! You cant believe your eyes because lying in your pockets, begging to be withdrawn, is a whooping sh250! Tears dangle in your eyes, you yank it and kiss it passionately and hug it tighter like a boa constrictor does to an antelope, you face Mount Kenya and say alaloyaaaaaaaa!!!
AAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNN!
Chunga bp isikumalize uwachie mafisi usukani