The Male Identified Woman

Went out to meet a friend who is suicidal after her dear husband, her world and the love of her life, left her for another woman. The other woman has kids as in she’s a single mother, meanwhile my pal was a virgin when she got married, this guy was a photographer but he wasn’t doing well. She was crazy about him. There was a doctor who wanted to marry her but she followed her heart to the photographer. I pleaded with her to marry the doctor but she choose to follow her heart. Btw they were both very active in church maybe that also endeared her to the photographer.

And so the journey of building him started. I would get nauseated listening to the effort she put into building the so called husband. The guy took full advantage and put everything in either his name or joint yet she’s the one who was doing everything.

Anyway, long story short, he started doing well some years after his Felicia Fix It and Betty the builder wife supported him. He started planning his exit with the single mother who is alot younger than the wife. He then started treating her with contempt. Soon after he has now moved in with the side hen. My beste is inconsolable and talking crazy about killing herself and the kids. She can’t imagine living with out the husband. I called her mom to take her and kids in so that they would not be alone until she stabilizes emotionally and psychologically. I don’t want to see her in the news. I usually don’t pick calls beyond 9pm besides immediate family and I don’t sleep with the phone on but I am making an exception for her, what are friends for?

I maybe called a bitter femanazi but I don’t know what it is like to be abandoned by a man and to be very frank, I have never had men problems, other women or even men experience, maybe because I’m so sensitive and I am kind of a narcissist, plus I am very quick to leave relationships, even the LTR I have been in, my investment was minimal so it was easy for me to move on.

Frankly if you asked me why I broke up with my exes, it’s usually something most women wouldn’t consider a big deal. Maybe because I grew up in a somewhat difficult marriage but it wasn’t difficult due to the usual things like alcoholism, irresponsibility or infidelity. I am very sensitive about small things. Immediately I start feeling uneasy I start withdrawing. For the LTR I have been in, it was in the backdrop of breaking up then the guy buying me stuff to apologise, making up, rinse and repeat until I got to the point where I was completely fed up and I wasn’t going to take the person back any more regardless of the lengths they’d go to woo me back. So it’s really hard for me to understand this ride or die mentality women have.

I always ask myself, if roles were reversed would that man do the same, would he go to such lengths, for the woman? In most cases the answer is a resounding NO.

I have tried to understand this psychology of ride or die and building men it’s completely defeated. I can’t wrap it around my head. I have tried but I can’t. Maybe it’s me who is too individualistic, yet I am a very compassionate person, very, very but I still don’t give of myself to the level of most women especially married or come we sin type of situations.

The reason I’m writing about this is to vindicate what I say here all the time. Nothing good will ever come from dating and marrying a man who is beneath you. First off, you can’t tell if it’s you he’s into or the help you are giving him. Most men take women’s kindness as a weakness to exploit. I was not really cognizant of the fact earlier because I would always put myself first in relationships. It’s only when my friends started opening up to me that I realized that so many women were sacrificing themselves for men.

I can only speak via observation but it’s a very painful experience and it’s why a woman can kill 4 children she carried, nursed and raised singlehandedly over a man. This being male identified basically translates into you are nothing with out a man, your children’s life have no worth if their father abandons them. Which is a very demonic mindset that is leading to HBP, ulcers, depression suicide, killing innocent children and even Psychosis.

Men are not the be all and end all of life, this idolatry of husbands or bfs is the beginning of all evil. Love should be a controlled substance, this being drunk in love, is a recipe for disaster. Now talking about recipes who has cooked a filet mignon you give me tips I’m prepping my Christmas menu, with this Corona, I am the chef of a good number of people.

Things to do with marriage are sometimes cahllenging. It is a challenge to everyone. Surely you should only allow someone to marry you out of love.Marriage is never easy as somepeople count it. It is the most tricky part of life. The participants must be compatible for the marrriage to be successful. I know some people who have been having conflicts in their marriage since they got married. This clearly indicates that they were not compatible that is why they have a lo of differences in them. You should always ensure that you lay a good foundation before you enter into actual marriage. Agood foundation must take time.

You’d never get it; this thing called love, when viewed through those monocles you adorn.

Since you are an ardent church goer, reacquaint yourself with the teachings in 1 Cor: 4-8

Don’t use vocabularies you are not well acquainted with. Nobody adorns monocle since 18th century.

I am not reacquiting myself to anything. I know God well enough to know that He doesn’t endorse women allowing men to misuse them. My Bible says, a man who does not provide for his family is worse than an infidel. Love is not making an idol out of a partner then becoming homicidal and suicidal when he leaves you for greener pastures. The Bible says, guard your heart with all diligence, for everything depends on the state of the heart. The only Person who you should love with all your heart is God, not even your children. What did Jesus say to His disciples, if you love your father and mother more than Me, you are not worthy of My Kingdom.

Do not quote the Bible out of context to endorse demonic outcomes like depression and even murder. This is why the Bible warns of idolizing anyone or anything because it will be used by Satan to destroy you. Remember what Satan told God about Job, that Job loved his children and his possessions more than he loved God aka God wasn’t on the throne of Jobs heart.

Love isn’t ulcers and premature death. Idolatry is what brings death, sickness and destruction. Jesus said, He gives abundant life, so you know anyone or anything that steals your joy and peace, kills you and your children and destroys your future is from Satan, not from God’s pure and holy love. God is not the author of confusion and everything from God is a blessing that adds no sorrow. The moment you start building an adult is the day you put out a welcome mat for Satan to break your heart. The pain would not be as bad if she never built that man.

Since I am among the guidence and councelling committee, I would like to say that, I have been dealing with such issue for quit sometime and I have come to realise that maswala ya ndoa ni nyeti sana. Different people have got different partners. If you get a partner who is not of your type, then you have given room for problems in your life. It is as if you have opened the gate for the lions pake and you still stand by the gate. The lions may swallow you up.This tells us to choose wisely. You should never be driven by the peer pressure in life. I normally like those people with personal stands. In other words, people who are principled.

Bible yasema hivi, huwezi funganisha punda na ng’ombe pamoja kulima. Lazima ziwe ng’ombe mbili ama punda mbili. Hapana oa mwanamke au mwanamme sio wa class yako na type yako. Atarudi tu ile mahali anafaa. U