Guys I know I promised to finish my story on the encounter with the slay queen but as the story cooks in the kitchen, let me share with you of my most memorable day in high school.
2 weeks to closing. Hizo time niko form 2 so the only problem I have apart from academics ni adolescence na as you know adole huwa hakosi njaa. So during this time kulikuwanga na tubash hapa na pale wanafunzi wanajipanga na kupika kama clubs ama teams ama houses. On this cursed Saturday, during entertainment, I met this Kisii classmate of mine. His name was Roy. The guy was carrying more chapatis than his mathematical knowledge. Innocently nikamuomba. Ile kitu uyo msee alinipa ni matusi tu na kunikumbusha venye nilimnyima pencil yangu. I didn’t even remember kama kuna time aliwai niomba. Machungu ilinichapa hadi nikamfuata mpaka place anaenda kwa giza. The idiot was going to class na mimi nikapitia nyuma nikachungulia from the window. Alieka hizo chapo kwa locker na akatoka. I’m sure you don’t need a calculator to know what I did.
Mimi kisniper nikanyemelea nyuma nikaingia daro to his locker. He had switched off the lights akitoka na mwizi kamili lazima uogope mwangaza. Kufikia locker nikapata kumbe kumbaff ililock so I just decided to leave. Kufika kwa mlango nikakumbuka ile matusi uyo jamaa alinipea na nikasema apana. I went out and looked for the paraphernalia to break the locker. They included a huge stone na chuma flani hainanga form apo nje ya daro. Nikarudi armed to teeth na nkaanza kazi. Punde si punde kabla niseme neno ‘chapati’, I heard screems from the class. Kumbe nugu haikuenda na all this time ilikuwa nyuma ya mlango. Wahenga walisema ushikwapo shikamana and my only way to do that was to beseech my legs to do their job. Mimi huyoo nikatokomea kwa giza into a certain kaforest apo. The guy shouted hadi wanafunzi wakajaa and they launched a manhunt for me.
They were coming for me in the forest wielding hockey sticks. A group of 50 studes if my maths didn’t fail me. I had nowhere to run. Akili ni nywele my friend ( ni ya masomo tu ndo ilinipiga chenga kidogo). I climbed one very leafy tree na nikatulia apo kama vile baba ametulia jubilee. Those nugus walitafta hadi wakachoka yet I was just above them. I knew singeenda dorm kudoze so my only option was kuota baridi the whole night. I surrendered to the cold at around 3 in the morning and went to sleep in the dorm. Of course I’m not a fool. I didn’t sleep on my bed. Nlienda kulala kwa bed ya jamaa fulani alikuwa sick bay.
Morning came and while the house captain was doing his msako he found me. He took me to the deputy whom without hesitation sent me home to bring my parent. Now folks, my mother was the latest version of transformer while my father was simply indescribable. Kwanza nikakumbuka last exam nlipata 09% kwa maths (my father’s favorite subject). I swore by the stench I had on me (had gone 2 weeks without bathing) that I was not going home. No way. Nikapata mama mandazi kando ya road, nikanunua nane za kulaani iyo njaa ilinieka kwa hizi shida. Nikakaa kando ya barara na kuzifunza adabu as I thought the way forward. As I told you akili ni nyweee….
I stopped one bodaboda guy, gave him the last andazi as I told him of my woes. We hatched a plan. He would act my father……at a fee of course. We agreed on 300 and I gave him 150 upfront. Being a Sunday, we would not go to school so he hosted me at his house till the next day as we rehearsed on how we would make the best out of this skit. Into the deputy’s office. Jamaa alibadilika once. Upon entering the office, the guy gave me a slap that I still remember in tears to date. I had to battle with kizunguzungu for a full minute then akauliza mwalimu what I did. By the time the deputy was finishing his explanation I think I had fainted thrice due to that imbecile’s beating.
Then deputy alikuwa anataka kuandika sijui report, so as he was writing, I was still on the floor na akauliza huyo jamaa….”baba jina ya kijana?” shieet!! All that rehearsal na hatukuwai ambiana majina. Till date I’ve never known his name and him same to mine. Sasa si hapo kuna shida. I looked at him, he looked at me in desperstion and regret respectively. Suddenly he jumped on me again and started squeezing my unmentionables. “ nikulipie fee alafu nikusemee jina pumbaff hii!!!” he roared. Trust me or not it’s the deputy who restrained him from killing me. “Utamuua baba….msamehe.” the depa pitied me and told me to go to class. “apana lazima nimpeleke nione penye anakaa….” The guy interjected. On the way out he asked for his balance. I gave him 200 and waited for him to give me my 50 bob balance. Punde si punde as he was getting to his pocket to hand me the cash, depa akatokea. The jamaa escorted me with a Scort Adkin kick and told me , “hatujamalizana nakungoja mfunge ukuje nyumbani” then he left.
Folks niliumwa wiki mbili. I could not even shower for those extra weeks hadi siku ya kufunga. Hiyo siku ya kufunga nlichukua all the remainder of my shopping, looked for my hero and gave him. He gave me my 50 bob. No one talked about the incident. Now reminiscing that moment, I thank God I found that guy for if it would have been my real father, I wouldn’t be alive to tell this story.
Summary buana.
Moral of the story:
Cheza kwa vyovyote utakavyo na mkisii, bora usijaribu kucheza na chakula chake…
Hekaya safi, twenty green emojis
I can relate
Umbwa ghasia takataka… New Villager unadanganya nani…
A fabricated meffi hekaya ya kuibiwa and added some salt. Hii hekaya has been there since time ya nyayo. Being doing rounds huko mukuru with different versions. Patiwa kiti kwanza
Ningeandika nusu mungenilaani…nikiamua kumaliza bado mnacomplain
Form 1 pale FSK nilikunia kwa desk ya prefect mtiaji
:D:D:D jinga sana
Umbwa ni wewe, ghasia ni mamako, takataka ni mpenzi wako
Umbwa ni wewe, ghasia ni mamako, takataka ni mpenzi wako
Here we don’t care about your feelings… Ingiza kidole kwa matako na urambe pole pole… Story za uwongo jiwekee:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
:meffi: :meffi: :meffi: :meffi: :meffi: