The Day I Almost Got Laid: A Shitty Hekaya of A Beta Fisi.

NB: The events in this Hekaya are fictional. Any resemblance with real life events is a coincidence.

Dude has new stitches just above his left eyebrow and Guy is right handed. The two are not talking to each other and all of us are single.

You see, Guy used to be the only one with a girlfriend. That was until Dude developed a disorder that made him accidentally fall into her as.shole with his dick over and over again until he ejaculated. Sad. Guy found out and this made him mad so he beat Dude
up. I don’t know if Dude is cured or not. Guy is delicate and so I won’t tell him she once offered me some. I refused. Friends don’t do that to each other.

Slutterina is the “Liberated” kind . She has been calling me begging that I talk to Guy and convince him to take her back. I wont. That Girl is toxic. I am also avoiding Guy until he cools down. I tried to calm him, but it didn’t work. Dude feels bad about what he did, but won’t apologize. He’s even disappeared. He calls, but won’t say where he is.

So when Friday came and I wanted to go out, I was alone. I was used to the two being around. They made picking up girls. As the only sober one I easily scored the girls

Anyway, I went to this pub and the moment I stepped in my brain decided to be an asshole. That sometimes happens to me and I become highly impulsive which usually ends in disaster.

I don’t drink often, but on this day I did. After two hours of talking with some guys about politics and other stuff I decided it was time to find a girl and convince her she would be making the best decision of her life if she had sex with me. Simple, huh? That’s what I thought too. My brain had other ideas. It convinced me that it had come up with a good pick up routine that went like this:-

  1. Find a girl that’s drinking alone (Near impossibility, but that’s not a phrase my brain understands when in this mode)

  2. Flirt with her.

  3. Approach her, grab her drink and down it in one gulp and then say “It looks like you need a drink.” while starting at the empty glass. At this point the girl would be so smitten by my boldness she’d just part her legs. Cheesy as fuck MY BRAIN IS AN AS.SHOLE.

Anyway, I went with it. After scanning for a few seconds I found my target. She was in a blue short dress… blah blah as.s blah blah. She was hot. She was facing the other was and I could only see her back and so step 2 was out.

I walked up to the poor girl and didn’t even bother to look at what she was drinking. I just took the glass and with the sexiness of a donkey suffering from autism I attempted to flush. It was Devil’s Water. I immediately started chocking and coughing. The girl was using ice-cubes to cool the drink and I happened to swallow one thay got stuck in my throat and would dislodge when I coughed and the return to it’s previous position. This resulted in a short series of brain freezes of magnitude Hiroshima and Nagasaki. This all happened in less than third second and by the time I regained my composure a bouncer was already on me. These guy gain teleportation powers when a damsel in distress. Luckily it was one who knew me. We go to the same gym.

The guy made me buy the traumatized girl her drink and stopped me from beating up some skinny White knight Fisi who’d seen this ad an opportunitu to get laid.

I got a Taxi and went home, slept in a featal position and them went for my War-Rig the following morning.


You had written you went for Vicky, what the hell was that about?

Wacha niulize obizzo anafikiria aje juu ya hii story…


I agree

[ATTACH=full]12265[/ATTACH] [ATTACH=full]12265[/ATTACH]

hehehe…not a total waste of time, nice read

Osungu ni ngumu!!!,Unajaribu kusema nini sasa.

@Nugu Mzee,can you give me an editing job?


Good writing …My Team mafisi Bro. Yenyewe nimecheka!!

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