The Comedy of Being Broke...(msoto)

[The.Black.Templar]

wueh! kusota ni noma budget ilikuwa ya fare na supper pekee…70bob per day

[Grundy]

@Ka-Buda

It had been a very quiet January on the jobs front and it didnt help that i didnt have a full time job so was depending on “agency jobs” that pay weekly for doing Any and All manner of unskilled jobs.
I was at the end of my tether on this day and apart from the busfare in my pocket,i think i only had £6 in my account.
I had to get to town to see if the agencies had any jobs today and i was sure that if i got a job,i was sure to meet someone i knew and they would lend me some cash until the following Friday.
Fate is a Maafaka and on this day,all the agencies had fuckall!..
So i am now stranded in town with a pound coin in my pocket and with no job prospects for the day.
I also know that the only food in the house is a few onions that are showing signs of germinating because they have been there for the last month since i bought them on “offer”.

Should i leg it back home and buy myself a loaf of bread and milk with the pound coin just to sustain myself mpaka kesho ama should i use it to travel to my beste and hope he is home to lend me some cash?

I can`t afford to take any more risks today so i settle for the idea of walking back home and passing through a discount supermarket to see how far my £1 would stretch.

Kweli shida hukuja na mlango na dirisha pia!;
As i stride along shingo upande i check my pocket for the one pound coin and i can`t find the little Fucker!!!
Yaani all the money i have in the world imepotea!..
Have you ever considered ending it all by jumping under a bus?!.. “Why me?.. Why have you forsaken me dear god… i almost cried out loud”…

Suddenly it occurs to me that i have £6 in my account and that all i have to do is withdraw £5 (the lowest denomination allowed via ATM them days…)

Kuingiza kadi it tells me ati “insufficient funds”!
Jeso wa Matuini!.. Can it get any worse!?.. kwani £6 imeenda wapi?

So i check the Balance and Lo Behold… there has been some charge of ati £2 for some reason so available balance is only £4.25.

The ATM obviously doesn`t dispense coins so how do i get my £4.25 without looking like a Total Failure in Life?

There is no Dignity in being Broke so i gather courage and Match confidently to join the cue of people waiting to be attended to by the bank tellers…
At this stage i feel like i am about to rob the bank or do something wrong but i need my Money…

Soon it is my turn and when the polite very cute teller asks what she can do for me i hand her my card and ask her to tell me what the balance on my avccount is…(as if i didn`t know…kikikikiii)…

She swipes it and with a confident smile she says “you have £4.25 on this account Sir”…
I am so Nervous at this stage i am sweating like paedophile in a school bus but i manage to lean over and mutter the most in-dignifying thing … “Can i have it please?”…

The Comedy of it all was the look on her face as she nervously counted the £4.25.
But it left me in no doubt that she understood my predicament because as she handed it to me she gave that Jungu “charitable smile” and told me that she wished me all the best.

Its on days like that when you wish you were back home near people who care about you.

But you have To Laugh!!!

Nice one…for once you’ve narrated a truly funny story without trying to sneak in some self-praise. Way to go nigga.

[Ka-Buda]

@Grundy

Nice one…for once you’ve narrated a truly funny story without trying to sneak in some self-praise. Way to go nigga.

Wee wachaga hizo!.. I never ever praise myself i actually detest people who are full of themselves so i am really disturbed if that is how i come across to you. I just call them as i see them but i obviously need to change.
Sometimes you need to be told to Know!..
Cheers mate!

[Ka-Buda]

@Luther12

Hehehe…good one @Ka-Buda. Takes me those many years back in college.

I was down to my last 50 bob and I knew after that kits umami. So here I am in my room trying to concentrate on some books in my campus room but all I can think of is where my next meal is gonna come from.

At some point in the afternoon I decide to reorganize my closet (Hall 10, aka Dag Hamerskjold Hall) after doing some laundry kiasi. As fate would have it I find some 500/= inside one of my lab-coat’s (I hear they call them dust coats nowadays) pockets, that I hadn’t worn in a while (I had two of them).

First port of call: to my cuzo’s room in Hall 6. I used to leave him to occupy my room during the occasional breaks and so I thought he’d somehow left his cash there coz I couldn’t remember ever placing it there myself. To my surprise, neither did he. And so, just like that, it dawns on me I now have some money to push me for a few days. What a relief!!

Hehehehe…
deep in my “msoto” student days i had that habit of stashing money in different places -to hide it from myself-(when i had it) and every time i went broke i would convince myself that i had one more place to look in the house …kikikii…
What you forget at that age in your life is that you are broke because you are irresponsible and i later discovered that the best lace to start looking for lost money in the house was in the clothes you wore the last time you went Clubbing!..
Those pockets Never Disappoint!..