The Comedy of Being Broke...(msoto)

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It had been a very quiet January on the jobs front and it didnt help that i didnt have a full time job so was depending on “agency jobs” that pay weekly for doing Any and All manner of unskilled jobs.
I was at the end of my tether on this day and apart from the busfare in my pocket,i think i only had £6 in my account.
I had to get to town to see if the agencies had any jobs today and i was sure that if i got a job,i was sure to meet someone i knew and they would lend me some cash until the following Friday.
Fate is a Maafaka and on this day,all the agencies had fuckall!..
So i am now stranded in town with a pound coin in my pocket and with no job prospects for the day.
I also know that the only food in the house is a few onions that are showing signs of germinating because they have been there for the last month since i bought them on “offer”.

Should i leg it back home and buy myself a loaf of bread and milk with the pound coin just to sustain myself mpaka kesho ama should i use it to travel to my beste and hope he is home to lend me some cash?

I can`t afford to take any more risks today so i settle for the idea of walking back home and passing through a discount supermarket to see how far my £1 would stretch.

Kweli shida hukuja na mlango na dirisha pia!;
As i stride along shingo upande i check my pocket for the one pound coin and i can`t find the little Fucker!!!
Yaani all the money i have in the world imepotea!..
Have you ever considered ending it all by jumping under a bus?!.. “Why me?.. Why have you forsaken me dear god… i almost cried out loud”…

Suddenly it occurs to me that i have £6 in my account and that all i have to do is withdraw £5 (the lowest denomination allowed via ATM them days…)

Kuingiza kadi it tells me ati “insufficient funds”!
Jeso wa Matuini!.. Can it get any worse!?.. kwani £6 imeenda wapi?

So i check the Balance and Lo Behold… there has been some charge of ati £2 for some reason so available balance is only £4.25.

The ATM obviously doesn`t dispense coins so how do i get my £4.25 without looking like a Total Failure in Life?

There is no Dignity in being Broke so i gather courage and Match confidently to join the cue of people waiting to be attended to by the bank tellers…
At this stage i feel like i am about to rob the bank or do something wrong but i need my Money…

Soon it is my turn and when the polite very cute teller asks what she can do for me i hand her my card and ask her to tell me what the balance on my avccount is…(as if i didn`t know…kikikikiii)…

She swipes it and with a confident smile she says “you have £4.25 on this account Sir”…
I am so Nervous at this stage i am sweating like paedophile in a school bus but i manage to lean over and mutter the most in-dignifying thing … “Can i have it please?”…

The Comedy of it all was the look on her face as she nervously counted the £4.25.
But it left me in no doubt that she understood my predicament because as she handed it to me she gave that Jungu “charitable smile” and told me that she wished me all the best.

Its on days like that when you wish you were back home near people who care about you.

But you have To Laugh!!!

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hahahaha

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umenipeleka mbali bro…

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Hehehehe When it rains it pours.

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We have all been there bro…

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…sio wewe ulianika hapa pounds last week?,http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zTOgXnK_K4k/VekzbW6NBKI/AAAAAAAATtA/bKOyD6BYkTA/s1600/shit-post-dont-look.gif meffiiiiiiii

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Kuna time shule nilisota hata 1 bob sikuwa nayo. Mimi huyo nikaomba 20 bob ya ngumu halafu shuge niombe kwa mabeshte. Sasa on my way to shop swinging my hands ghafla 20 bob ikatoka kwa mkono flew na kuanguka kwa nyasi…
Nilifyeka hiyo nyasi na mikono na huko ndani kulikuwa na siafu till i got my breakfast

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Heheee @Ka-Buda thanks for taking me back to many many years back…when I used to sell stuff scrap metal dealers. Mambo ya kununua half loaf na strong tea was kawaida

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Hehe naeza relate… Then ukiwai broke all kind of expenses pop up…units zinaisha ama bulb inachomeka…mshwari on your neck :D:D

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Good on you bro, umenikumbusha nikitembea from kassarani to south b na total fare ilikua 50/=. Lakini hizi ndio vitu huwa zinabuild character.

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True. they make you or break you.

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:eek::eek:ulikuwa unatake how long?

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we have all been there. I was in campus, it was during the holidays but I stayed around in Nairobi looking for kazi hapa na pale, luckily I got an attachment with some guy with a struggling firm pale View Park towers. We agreed on a deal where I was supposed to do some work and get paid every friday according to how much I had got done that week. At this point I had like 500 in my pocket and it was monday, but I wasn’t worried since I had like 1k and a few coins in my a/c.
On Friday morning I spent my last 10bob on mandazi mbili na kuteremsha na strong tea for breakfast, and went to the office knowing nitapewa kabahasha ka the work done so far.
11 o’clock, boys haja come, 1pm, jamaa hayuko, decided to wait for him instead of going for the k. Around 4.30, jamaa hata hachukui simu so I gave up and decided to head for the A.T.M. Lo and behold,
Current Balance 1083
Available Balance 83
KCB ATM haiwezi toa less than 200, FUCK!
Sina supper but what I’m thinking is why has my minimum a/c balance moved from 0 to 1000, it’s a fucking student a/c. Bank isha-fungwa, what to do. That moment when you thought you had your shit together but in an instant its proven you don’t control shit, hujui ucheke, ulie, ukasirike?
Had to go look for mtu anikopeshe and early Saturday nikaamkia bank to give them a piece of my mind, kumbe my student a/c had expired, and I was bumped into a/c ya watu wakubwa.

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Kuna siku nilisota nikatumia zile ma bob unawekeleanga kwa drawer

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have been there long time ago before i knew how to pickpocket

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Hehehe…good one @Ka-Buda. Takes me those many years back in college.

I was down to my last 50 bob and I knew after that kits umami. So here I am in my room trying to concentrate on some books in my campus room but all I can think of is where my next meal is gonna come from.

At some point in the afternoon I decide to reorganize my closet (Hall 10, aka Dag Hamerskjold Hall) after doing some laundry kiasi. As fate would have it I find some 500/= inside one of my lab-coat’s (I hear they call them dust coats nowadays) pockets, that I hadn’t worn in a while (I had two of them).

First port of call: to my cuzo’s room in Hall 6. I used to leave him to occupy my room during the occasional breaks and so I thought he’d somehow left his cash there coz I couldn’t remember ever placing it there myself. To my surprise, neither did he. And so, just like that, it dawns on me I now have some money to push me for a few days. What a relief!!

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Hahah. Back in the day, to know whether HELB money ilikuwa imefika, there were no other means to check account balance apart from going physically to the ATM. The nearest ATM was in Thika. One day, I used my last 20 bob for fare from Juja to Thika, basing my hopes on the rumour that HELB imefika.

Kufika huko, hata ATM didn’t give me options for withdrawal, it went straight to the message: “You have insufficient funds for a transaction”. I left there feeling dizzy, imagining the long walk back to Juja. Mpesa didn’t exist then, so there was no way to bail myself out. I came up with a tale of how my wallet was stolen, and luckily a kind mama kwa stage agreed to pay fare for me.

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Oh the kindness of strangers. Been there, done that.

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Memories,been there and it’s not a nice feeling. siku hizi kama kuna kitu naogopa after magonjwa ni kusota. Nikiona account nikama inapungua napata tu stress.

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Hehehe. Ile mambo nimeona hii dunia, ni mungu tu ajuae

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