You Remember Njoki Chege the Only
Lady who got guts to tear men
apart? It seems she has set
standards with Nancy Roxanne the
Standard Group witter following
suite explaining why she will never
ever date Short and Broke Guys.
Below are the reasons why as to why
The Types of Kenyan men I
- I cannot date a short guy
No‚ I just can’t. I will friend-zone
you even before I learn your name.
When a short guy tries to chat me
up‚ I get this inexplicable impulse to
reach down and pat him on the
head like you would a puppy. We
cant be in a relationship and I am
towering over you in my seven inch
heels! I will look down on you:
literally and figuratively. It just
How am I supposed to get romantic
with a short dude? The best part
about making about making out is
when you tip toe and your guy lifts
you up into him. You cant do that
with a short guy! What with him
barely making it above your b()()bs!
The 69 position is also definitely out
of the question with a short guy! I
cant explain it. It is maths.
Something about angles and
You knowwhen a guy embraces you
and you settle perfectly on his
chest? Not with a short guy! He will
hanging on awkwardly around your b
()()bs trying not to suffocate in your
So you see‚ it is nothing personal. I
just cant date short dudes!
- Broke Niggas
I have my own definition of a broke
nigga. If you make less than me‚ you
are a broke nigga! I make a pretty
tidy sum at the end of the month
FYI. That pretty much eliminates
three quarters of the eligible (read
tall ) blokes hot on my heels. But
hey‚ a brother can dream.
Ladies‚ if you have ever accepted to
go on a date at a fast food joint‚ get
down on your knees and repent for
you have sinned. I will be damned if
I ever let a guy take me to Mc frys
for a date. And just because it
sounds fancy doesn’t make it any
less of a fast food joint so ditto for
steers‚ KFC galitos and chicken inn. I
am not coming to your house to eat
the microwaved leftovers of your
mother’s mashed potatoes either.
I expect a guy to treat me to a nice
meal in a fancy restaurant that
doesn’t have pictures in the menu!
The reason is simple; I ain’t
lowering my standards for no nigga!
You should be able to top what I
can do for myself. But that is just
me. What do you think?
- Dudes who listen to Riddimz
No self respecting person would ever
go near this poor excuse for a music
genre! It is atrocious! If you are over
20 years and still listening to this
crap‚ you need to evaluate your life’s
decisions. You are a disgrace to the
human race! Your mother didn’t
carry you in the womb for nine
months to listen to riddimz! In high
school it was acceptable because
you were a wimpy ass sissy who
couldn’t stand on your own two feet
so when riddimz became ‘the thing’
you shamelessly followed the crowd.
Plus you lived in eastlando so you
didn’t know any better.
Your taste in music (or lack of)
speaks volumes about you. Riddimz
just scream unsophisticated
‚ uncultured and uncivilized. That is
not a combination you want in a
future spouse. Whenever I see a
grown man still cranking riddimz‚ I
die a little inside. Just when you are
beginning to think it can’t possibly
get any worse‚ he greets you in a
fake Jamaican dialect! I can’t.
Ghetto Dudes. (Eastlando).
I know they all fall under broke
niggas but they deserve a post of
their own. These people are a
special species. They are in their
own class of human. Like something
is not quite right with their genetic
make-up. Maybe the conditions
during fertilization were a bit off so
they mutated into what they are
Anyway‚ every time I interact with
them‚ I get bad vibes. This union
would be doomed from the get-go.
Communication is paramount in a
relationship and everyone knows
they wouldn’t construct a coherent
English sentence if their lives
depended on it and sheng just isn’t
How would you even come on to me?
“Nijeaz mresh. Izo mbana za
Do You agree with this Lady? What
Name can we give her? Drop a