Singles never be intimidated by married folk.
MONOLOGUE | The Grand High Witch from THE WITCHES by Roald Dahl
Your way, remove your vegs
And get some freshwater into your spotty scalps,
Lychees of England, miserable witches,
Useless, lazy beaches.
You are a heap of ideal good-for-nothing worms,
Exactly eating my lunch.
I am looking at the window at the beach,
And what am I seeing?
I am seeing a revolting sight,
Just putting me off my food.
Hundreds of rotten, repulsive children
Playing on the sand.
Why have you not created them? Why?
You will do better.
My orders are that every single child in England
Shall be looked at,
Squashed, squirted, squittered, and freaking
Here again in one year’s time.
Who said that? Who daresh to argue with you?
Was it not? Come here!
Which dares to say I’m wrong?
We not be with us very long.
Stupid who answers back must burn
Until her bones are black.
I hope nobody else is going to make me cross today,
Freezing like a freezer, cooked like a carrot.
You will never see her again.
Now we can get down to business.
I am having a plan, I just got to go splat.
You could buy sweet shops,
You will fill them high with luxury sweets and tasty chunks.
You will have a great gala opening
With free sweets and chocolates for every child.
You will be filling every sweet and chalk
With my latest and greatest magic formula,
Formula 86 Delayed Action Mouse Maker.
To cause delayed action,
Roast in the oven one lap clock sector off at nine o’clock in the morning,
Inject one droplet of the formula in each sweeter truck.
Open your shop and as the children pour in the way home from school,
Cram them full of sticky eats,
Send them home with guzzling sweets,
And in the morning, little forge,
Got marching over to celebrity schools.
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