You know you are a real Kenyan if… (2003)
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You unwrap all your gifts carefully, so that you can re-use the wrapping. Ama you tumia it to cover your potted plants in the digz or cover your meza in the jikoni.
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You don’t have genuine containers or utensils, you only use margarine, ice-cream and yoghurt mikebes. (Blue band, Kasuku, Kimbo, mallo, Lyons Maid)
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You call an older person you’ve never met before ‘uncle’ or ‘aunty.’ “auntie, unashuka,” “uncle sinikuvukishe baro?”
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More than 90,sorry 95% of the music CD’s and cassettes in your digz are illegal or pirated copies. (done in Dubai ,kariokor base or Rivarori)
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Your backyard or store is always full of stuff because you never throw anything away, just in case you need it someday. (a gum boot without a partner, njumu ya left ya sandak zile za tenee and the baby walker - the baby now 12 and you are 40)
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You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottle(mikebe tupu) from your stays at hotels (Sarova shaba , Sirikwa…) and also the tu flamingo sabuni soaps that are usually offered in the lodges. Most of them ni zile umechanua. It’s kenya anyway.
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You have almost always overweight baggage when travelling by plane. (Taking unga ya jogoo, Omena, Royco, sugarcane, arrowroots and githeri to ‘uncle’ Paul in the U.S. !)
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If a store has a limit on the quantity of a product, then each member of the family will join separate queues to purchase the maximum quantity possible. (Mumias sugar during a shortage)
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All children have annoying nicknames. (bebi, toi, boi, kadogo, nyako, rembo, doli, mamie, dadie, toto, kanono, twig)
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Nobody in your family informs you that they are coming over for a visit. Uncle, wife, sis-in-law, two nephews and mboch have camped at home from Wesdan-(Western)
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You sanya, mints and toothpicks at restaurants. ( Murray mints, wrappers, and chumvi shakers, serviettes!)
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Your mathee has a minor disagreement with her sister and she has not talked to her for almost 10 years. (nisikie mkiongea ama mkicheza na watoto wake - mtaniona)
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You only make telephone calls at a cheaper rate a night. (Ati economy ni mbaya!)
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You teach your friends swear words in your language. (jinga, fala, shenzi wallahi billahi, aki ya ngai, nyasai kende mrembe mno ingoho!)
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You never have less than 50 people to meet you at the airport or see you off even if it is a local flight. (Yeah, my relas from Gatanga have hired a minibus to see me off to Lokichoggio. - 1st person to fly in the family, that’s why)
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You keep changing your Internet Service Provider because the first month is free you surf for the first free month and then when it is time to start paying, you dissapear (I have proof, I know some jamaas…)
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Office supplies mysteriously find their way to your home.(Makasis, biros, mastamps, stapler ya mdosi, makaratasis glue etc,etc.)
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You don’t buy a printer because it is cheaper to do it at your work place where it is free. (kudowea Yenyewe!)
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You wash your car on a Sunday. (Yeah reading the paper sitting on a kamawe in tu baggy shorts) even if you don’t have one, you usually spend most of yout time imagining that you have one.
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Weddings never start at the appointed time. (three hours later, African time: Better late than never) food is majimaji (kitoweo), salt is NEVER enough)
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You always lie about the ages of your children if they have to pay higher admission fees. “Hapana, haka katoto kangu ni kasweet sixteen” and yet he has beards all over. ( Nairobi Show)
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When you are young, your parents buy you clothes at least two types and too big so that they would last longer.
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At least one of your uncles is a teacher.
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You have a 10 kg bag of rice in the kitchen. (Basmati from Mwea)
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You always read first the Sport sections of the Sunday newspaper that you have ombad the vendor (Ati wacha ni cheki headlines za ball tu! (especially jamas!)
26.You always love shopping at Uchumi strictly during the End month and at the mid month. Reason: End of month sales. Ati mapromo!
So then am a real Kenyan and am proud of that.Are you…?
