Never felt so old

You know how old people drop one after the other like a game of musical chairs. Let me tell you I am just in shock how many of my age mates, slightly older and younger are no more because of this disease.

Can no longer take life for granted. I am tired of counting. People I used to work with, grew up with and went to school with. I am beginning to wonder if it’s that verse about the rapture.

Everyday I am telling God thank you. I never understood the privilege we have to be alive till now. These were not old people, they were not sick they were in perfect health. One whose dad is a doctor was being attended to by no less than 22 doctors. It’s worse than a terror attack.

There was this guy who worked in my building he was working and suddenly he fell ill in a matter of hours he was gone. A female dentist younger than me, from my community, she went to work on a Saturday, as she was leaving at mid day she felt very unwell, pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital. She had 3 kids. Sigh.

Its gotten to the point where I am even fearing to go on FB least I see someone I know is no more. Imagine the feeling that you get to several of your age mates are suddenly no more. Yesterday you were chatting on FB, liking their post, kidogo RIP, RIP. Mungu wangu. Machos.

Today I went in to see a doctor after avoiding it for so long. I got to talking to a nurse who was there and I noticed she had a beautiful watch and I told her. She told me a patient she nursed from the brink of death gave it to her as a gift for nursing him and his wife back to health. She started telling me how the two deteriorated on day 1 and had to go to the ICU. The description she gave me of the suffering before you make it or you don’t is harrowing to say the least.

Before one lovely lady died she put up her final status, I’m crying as I type this because she lost her adopted first son few years back, her marriage fell apart and now she has left her biological son who is little behind. Some things it’s only God who understands, I no longer type trite cliches when these things happen. I can only be sorry for your suffering and pray for your strength, I don’t pretend that because I am a Christian I know what to tell. Imagine I don’t. I am just as at a loss like you and I gave up a long time ago trying to make sense of tragedy. If Jesus could weep loudly and be in anguish until as He prayed his sweat were like drops of blood. Sasa mimi ni nani, to tell you not to cry, the only thing that I can say with out fear of contradiction is that katika kila jambo Bwana ana kusudi njema. If you want to wail like mom to Ndwiga brothers, wail, pour out your heart to God like water, even the Bible says that the angels of the Lord collects tears and prayers, wailing is prayer. That’s why the Bible says the Holy Spirit intercede for us through wordless groans. Jesus said God will not hear you for your many words. For before you have asked God knows what you need. One barren woman went to Shilloh, she prayed weeping bitterly until she lost her voice and the prophet saw her moving her lips and thought she was drunk. When Eli discovered that she had been pouring out her heart to God, he said to her, go in peace and may the Lord God of Israel grant you what you have asked of Him.

I’m so sad. I am a very, VERY sad woman. I thought we would be growing old together to reminisce about the various regimes and trade war stories but now you are gone and you keep going. It’s so painful. Please God take away this scourge.

As the Jewish prayer says, Our Father, our King, remove pestilence, sword, famine, captivity, and destruction from the members of Your covenant.

Let me end with one of my late age mate’s final status update. It makes me cry every time I read it. May God grant us hope, grace, peace, protection, refuge and rest from this evil that has befallen us.

Jeremiah 31:25

For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing.”

May the souls of those we have lost to this pandemic rest in eternal peace.

Pole Ms. Truman

Two threads, different titles, one message.

Pull yourself together and don’t worry about tomorrow. Also get antianxiety medicine.