Much has been said about the high rates of divorce with younger generations and now that mulidecide niwe divorcee lemme give my perspective from observation.
First and foremost marriage is not a joke and it’s not for watu wa Roho fupi. If you know that you have a very soft heart. Kitu kidogo wewe hulia wiki mbili. Please avoid marriage because stress itakuwa. If you know you are not a tolerant person same. From what I have seen marriage is all about tolerance. If you are tolerant and patient and you forget things quickly even if you marry the devil you can survive kama hata kuuwa. If you are those people who keep grudges and never forget anything please don’t try, you will ever be annoyed bcz even if in daylight your partner does not wrong you akilala he may kick when having a dream.
Number 2 weka emotions huko mbali. If you are a very emotional person utapata shida coz crisis ziko mingi sana. And the most troubling thing about marriage is that unlike dating you don’t have an exit clause particularly if you are a Christian coz hata mukiachana or you divorce in the eyes of God you remain married until death. Now the person who you dated can be an angel after some time shetani amuingie aanze vituko. If you are a person who makes decisions based on how you feel Bas hio inaishia hapo. So you have to be very logical and always leave room for error. Usikue ule mtu you’ve put all of your heart there, you’ve put the person on a pedistal akipea sister yako ball unachizi Unaenda Mathare for what’s left of your life. Leave room for error. Don’t trust 300%.Don’t become too emotionally attached.
Number 3 especially for ladies never forget that you are still an individual. Women lose themselves in relationships ALOT. They leave their family of origin, their life long friends, their hobbies, their interests and just become an extension of their husband. The problem with this is that your satisfaction in life cannot come from one thing or one person and the more you zero in on that one person to satisfy your needs emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, name it the more your expectations become unrealistic and the more you set yourself up for disappointment. In life you need a support system that isn’t limited to one person and also having a variety of different types of people as friends helps you be a more balanced, insightful and interesting person. It also helps you learn alot and to grow as a person and understand the world better. Associate with many different types of people. Don’t cut everyone off and become all about your spouse.
The aspect of maintaining your individuality is that sometimes your partner may take a wrong turn in life like go into crime, into drugs, into promiscuity, swinging and a good number of any vice you can think of for you you can’t follow your partner into the abyss live by the values you have always held as an individual, don’t compromise if you eat healthy and they don’t, don’t change to look like a team player when old age comes everyone will carry their own cross based on their diet, or suffer debilitating illness or disability. If you were too dependent and intertwined to the point of losing your individual values and goals, your partners negative may take you alongside him or her or they may become so successful and fulfilled outside of the home that you will resent them bcz you sacrificed your every thing for them and now you have nothing of your own to focus on but your partner is passionate and consumed and fulfilled by things outside of your relationship. Either way as a person you must always be growing as an individual for you to get the most out of life. Individuality and personal growth is very important.
Nini nimewacha? Have individual assets. You can buy jointly and say but divide to an individual starting with the woman bcz especially women become very financially vulnerable if the man leaves or dies. Plus you want to avoid Kenyan courts as much as you can.
Other than that, it’s not Compulsory if you haven’t met anyone you want to take such a risk on bcz it’s a huge risk then don’t. It’s not a crime. High risk, high returns and high losses if it falls apart. Everything has its up and down sides. EVERYTHING.
BTW I realize we are in a Lunar year and watu walizaliwa 29th February are having their once in 4 years birthday today. HBD if any Lunar baby is reading this.