Once upon a time, I was married to a beautiful Kamba girl called Kaundu. Let us go the the beginning. In University, she was my g/f. We actually lived together coz she couldnt afford to pay for a room, so she pirated at my place. She was 2 yrs behind me, so I finished before her. And forgot about her. Good thing is that phones were not as common as they are today, so we had no means of keeping in touch, except using posta. I did not like the fact that she was so possessive and jealous. I just couldn’t get space to go out with the boys, she had to be there. So it was good riddance. Mimi huyo after uni nikahustle and got some job kwa mhindi fulani pale ngong rd. Nikachukua ka SQ huko Mathare Hospital. And life continued.
One afternoon, I was doing some job in Thika, and after finishing, decided to go home straight instead of going to office. When I got into the hospital compound around 4pm, I saw someone like her coming from casualty ya Mathare. She had seen me, and had opened her arms for a hug. I couldn’t disappear. She told me she was there for some treatment, lakini amemaliziwa. She was with the sis. She introduced me as the b/f she tells them about, and would in fact love to know where I stay. The sis told me how much she talks about me as the future husband. Boychild had no otherwise but to show her my house. So, the 3 of us proceeded to my place. Some coffee and then I saw them off to the stage waende Mwiki where they would spend the night with a relative and proceed to Ukambani the next day. We exchanged numbers with the sis (mimi nilikua na Sagem). That was kitu 6pm. I planned how I would move out immediately to some undisclosed lokeshen, and boycott Kencell for Safaricom. Nikapika supper na nikalala.
At midnight, nikaskia knock. Kuangalia ni yeye. I opened and she explained that she had disappeared from her relative’s place in Mwiki aniletee slices. I told her thats not how to do things. She asked (actually snatched) my phone to call the sis and tell her not to worry, she is at my place. Thank God sikua na credit, plus there was no okoa jahazi then. We decided to sleep and then she will leave very early in the morning before the sis starts looking for her. Slices nikapata. Threshold was easily exceeded them days.
At 5am, I woke her up tuoge tuishie. She said she is not feeling well and would indeed wait for the hosp to open at 8am she visits. Nikamuonea 18, but knowing her, I decided to play along since there was absolutely no other way out of it at the moment. Mimi nikaenda shop, bought breakfast and credit. Back to the house. I called boss and informed him I would be late. She made breakfast, and we called the sis. She told the sis ako kwangu but haskii poa, so akuje wakutane hosi, na akuje na nguo zake so that after hosp they can go straight to Ukambani. The sis didn’t sound like that was a big issue. I felt relieved and grabbed a quick slice. I felt confident that she will leave with the sis, and left for work.
At around 11am, the sis called and told me that wamemaliziwa kwa hosi, but my g/f has refused to go back with her. She insists atakaa kwangu. Sis told me its ok, she will go home alone and inform the mum. She didnt seem bothered, and this bothered me more. Nikajua hapa sijui. I told her its fine. I left office kindu 7pm and got home well past 8. Nikapata amenipikia supper mzooori, and she was in my t-shirt and nothing underneath. Obviously, slices were served before dinner. I, for the first time, felt happy to have her around. I decided to have a candid talk with her.
She explained to me that she has been looking for me ever since she left uni, and that she is not going anywhere. If I deny her, she will commit suicide. She said that we should visit her parents in a few weeks time to officially announce. Sijui ni nini nilikua nimepewa coz I saw wisdom in all she said, and actually called my elder sis to inform her that I have married. Sis akasema sawa, atacome weekend. That was a Thursday. Friday nikaamka nikapata ashatengeneza breakfast and was warming my water for bathing. She insisted that a cold shower is for bachelors ndio wamalize nyege, not married men. I thought that is wisdom. Nikaenda job, and in the evening tukaenda out pale roosters. we had a good time, and I felt happy. I decided iIwill keep her. And life was good thereafter.
Coming week akasema she needs to go home and pick her certs and other clothes so that she can look for a job. She went on Tue, was to return on same day. When I got home in the evening, she hadnt returned. I felt lonely. I called the sis and she gave her the phone. She explained that she needed to get some stuff ndio akuje proper, that she will be coming next day. It was the coldest night. I slept hungry and blue-balled. Asubuhi job kama kawa, then jioni I reached home and found she had arrived. Kuku ilikua kwa meko. She told me that the mum had asked that she stays ndio amtayarishie vitu kadhaa to take to her “new house”. Nyumba ilikua imepangwa vizuri, some vitambaas, some “new” utensils, etc. It was a woman’s house now. Plus there were several paper bags with foodstuff- ndengu, beans, muthokoi, etc. She told me the chicken was a gift from her mum to the son-in-law. Nikasema isorait, the mum appreciates me. Sawa. And life was good. I even bought her a phone, provided for her upkeep, connected her to friends who could connect her to a job, etc. I was finally settled.
About a month after, my mum called me asking why I have not gone to visit her for a long time. She complained that she had hear that I got a girl, but couldn’t tell her. Tukapanga we will go and see her that Saturday, which was the day after. So, that next tomorrow, we went to shagz. I introduced her to mum and dad, and they liked her from the word go. It was an excellent weekend. And she proved herself by spending time with mum in the kitchen while we watch TV with mzee. We arranged for a visit to their folks and this was planned to happen in two weeks. So, tukaenda huko Wote and we were received well. I understood why the mum was not bothered by the daughter’s eloping- hao watu walikua peasants for real. Mum was a mama pima, mzee long dead. 7 children, my wife was the 3rd born. Three sisters had kids, in the same house. Walikua wanaishi kwa plot, a double room. Another visit followed like 2 months later and we paid some dowry. They were very receptive.
As expected, morning sicknesses soon started, and we were blessed with a baby girl. She hadnt found a job yet. Tukahama SQ nikajishikia ka 2-br pale kahawa West. She also got a househelp, a kamba from their shags. Now, gentlemen, that househelp was a beauty. Yello yello, 1gb, soft, innocent, ferkable. In three weeks, I was nyanduaring her tingz as the wife slept. I would say niko na job nafanya kwa laptop, then tiptoe to her bedroom and eat in silence. Then a shower and join wife and baby in bed. This went on for like 3 months. One day, while the girl was riding me, tuliskia mlango ya bedroom imefunguliwa, and there she was holding a knife. Both of us were butt naked. Mimi nikajua hapa kimeumana. I went behind the lady and held her such that if someone is to be stabbed, it would be her, not me. And she was screaming attracting the attention of the neighbors. She was surely after me, and after some hide-n-seek, hio kisu ilinipata kwa matako. Ilinikata vibaya sana. I had to be rushed to hospital for some stitching. The girl was kicked out and had to spend a night at a jiranis. I returned home from hosi at around 6am, and apologized to her, saying it is that girl who was tempting me. She would hear none of it, and she swore she will kill me one day for this. Man, when your wife tells you that, you become paranoid. I started sleeping in the spare bedroom, with the door locked. I thought she would be angry for a few days, lakini wapi? A month later, she was still promising death on me. Meanwhile, she got another househelp, still from their shags. I was ejected from my “bedroom” since the new girl had to sleep there. I tried arguing, akachukua kisu. I accepted to be sleeping on the sofa.
One evening, I came home drunk, and decided enough is enough. Nikasema kama ni kwangu, silali kwa kiti tena. We fought, serious fight kama ya wanaume wawili. Screams all over (from her, not me). In the process, she fell on the baby, mtoto akakua unconscious. A ceasefire was immediately declared as she screamed her lungs out vile nimeua mtoto wake. I wanted us to rush the kid to hosp, but she would hear none of that. She prevented me from opening the door. Jiranis were outside trying to peep inside to see the dead kid. Mimi sijuangi firstaid, so there was nothing I could do except stay alert lest the knife gets me. At around 3am, she agreed we go to hosi after a lot of pleading from the neighbors. Unfortunately, the kid was pronounced dead. She didnt cry. Tukapanga mazishi low-profile, and in 3 days, we were alone in the house- the househelp having resigned the next day. I knew I had to do something.
That Friday, i talked to a colleague akanipea gari lake- a toyota 110 for an outing the next day. Some few beers made him say yes. I got home and told the wife that I want to take her out somewhere the following day. Akasema sawa, and I suggested we can even drive to those sides of Wote anionyeshe mashimo za huko. Akasema sawa, but she said hataki kuenda kwao. My plan was to take her to their home, niambie mamake amenichokesha, na nichomoke nimuache huko. Tukatoka kitu 9am na kushika njia ya Machakos. We were laughing like new lovebirds. After 3 hrs, tuko Wote. Time to execute the plan. So kufika kwa turn to their place, nikafuata hio njia instead of proceeding on the main road. She asks me where am going I told her to sharrap. Sitakangi ujinga saa zingine. I accelerated towards their home. Kitu 800m from the place, she held the steering wheel n steered the car off the road. Next we hit a huge rock. Kaundu kakarushwa nje through the windshield, and she blacked out. I only got some minor injuries. People came to help, including her mum, who was visibly drunk. Wakachukua msichana na kupeleka spitali. Polisi wakakuja na breakdown. Gari kapelekwa Wote. Called my guy, explained the problem, akasema poa, atajua vile atafanya. Then I threw away that line. And moved house the next day. And didnt go back to my workplace on Monday.
I haven’t heard from Kaundu since then- some 11 yrs ago.