So boy child graduates from campus sometime early this decade and after five months of hustling gets his first proper job. soon the end month came along and i remember the feeling of excitement when the first paycheck hit my equity bank account on a Friday. Lazima ningeambia mwili pole and that evening found me bar hopping in town. Most of my friends found work around the same time and it was a carnival mood when we met with kuchafua meza and good tales going all around.
We used to work half day on Saturdays so i excused myself at around 1.00 am so that i could make it to work the next day. i used to live in a bedsitter inZimmer hapo canopy, those who know the area know it used to be(i think it still is) a major catchment area for working girls, most of them nothing to write home about. so i alight that matatu at my stage and decide to take some smokie pasua na mayai (a habit i picked back in campus). i cross the road and go to my usual vendor.
i ordered for my smokie and that is when i noticed this petite lightskin who was waiting for her order ya mayai. i ate two more smokies and finally felt full, paid and started to cross the road heading home. The lady also finished at the same time and was headed in the same direction so we crossed the road together.
her: Niaje, unadai twende shot?
me: Ati nini?
her: Kwani umeshtuka?
me: Apana, ni vile hukai.
her: kwani nakaa aje?
I took the time to check her out properly. she was typical shiny eye girl light skin with a cute face,better looking than the average hooker in the hood, plus she was petite,i have a thing for 1gb, combine that with lowered inhibitions from alcohol and a mild dry spell threatening to explode into a full scale drought, there was only one way this was going to end.
me: hauko mbaya vile
no point showing your hand early in the negotiations. she twirled to give me a better view of her package and i got a semi hard-on.
her: soo mbili
huh, thats cheap.
her: pale wa zile trucks, watchie utamwai fifty bob
No way am going to fvck somebody under a truck. Quick mental calculations, i had nothing of value in my house apart from a laptop and meko( dont laugh, the struggle was real.) plus with my new salary i would soon be upgrading to more suitable abodes. if i take her home, kick her out by 5.00, sleep well for two and a half hours i can be in office by 9.00am opening time.
me: siwezi enda chini ya truck, na tukienda kejani?
she checked me out for sometime and decided i looked harmless enough, either that or it was a bad working night and she needed to close this one.
Na ukinifanyia mambo mbaya?
me: Mimi sikuagi hivo
Na usinit***e sana.( swahili is such an uncouth language)
me: Zai, kesho natoka mapema six so hatutakaa
Haya basi, utanipea thao
It is unafrican to buy something at list price so i lowball;
me:niko na soo sita
apana angalau toa soo nane
i pretend to ponder for a moment, haya twende.
fast forward;tukafika bedsitter and proceeded to catch slices with niceness. she was actually good at what she does. threshold hizo siku apan tambua so sikufikisha. come 5am ,i need to kick this lady out. i shake her gently.
nataka kwenda job amka.
This lady is not moving. i shake her harder;nothing doing. I throw away the duvet and shake her once more. This time i get a reaction. she sits up, angry at having her sleep interrupted.
her: unataka niende wapi saa hii. ukinisumbua tena nitapiga nduru niseme unanirape.
Fvck! i could either call her bluff and throw her out physically or wait and kick her out at 7.00. not one for confrontation, i decide on option two. i couldnt sleep anymore so i started fooling around on my computer. come 6.30, the bish is still asleep and am getting hot under the collar. i decided to take a shower and if the girl was still asleep by the time i was done preparing myself for work i would physically kick her out. Big mistake, I had left the lady fast asleep when I stepped into the shower. You can imagine my surprise when I finished my shower and tried the door.