How Uwes will lose his X6

Copied from MKZ ya Mike Mondo.


Let me begin by saying, there are thieves I can tolerate. Like say; a woman who steals my heart, Robin hood, and Peter Pan. The rest of ya’ll thieving ass low life’s need to be rounded up, and have the entire Nairobi cane you 5 strokes per item you stole and then locked up next to the most vile sodomist in kamiti maximum.

YES, I AM PISSED!! Why, because car thieves are now using beautiful girls in clubs to steal your car. Let me explain:

Over the weekend my friends and I passed by 40/40 club in Westlands. All we wanted was a polite beer and then we head home. Kama kawaida, one beer became two and so on. At some point during the evening I went to the smoking section of the club to enjoy a nice drag of my favorite tobacco, which i must admit, hits the spot really nice after some alcohol. While there, there was a group of ladies sitting on a table, who asked for a light, which I provided (and FYI smokers, a matchbox is less then 10bob…just buy one).

These ladies got all worked up about the fact that Mike Mondo was right there, one of them claiming she is a “Huge Fan”, I politely said thank you and continued to enjoy my tobacco. Little did i know, I WAS A MARK!! One of the ladies kept chatting me up, saying how she lives in Buru Buru, how i should give her a shout out on Monday and also mentioned how much she liked my jacket, which at the time was hanging on one of their chairs. I paid no mind to it, but at that time i also realized it was getting chilly so I proceeded to put it on. The lady said she was also feeling cold, and said if she could put on my jacket for a few at least until we finish talking because she was freezing (another FYI, Ladies, if you are going to freeze and shine, don’t ask men for their jackets, news flash, we also feel cold! And in matters survival, there is nothing like being a gentleman, it’s each one for themselves).

Anyway, I gave in to my gentleman side and gave her the jacket to wear. My boys came over to the smoking section and we started talking, at which point i decided its too cold outside, we go back to our table. I politely asked the lady if i could have my jacket back and she initially refused. In fact, she clung to it, telling me I should let her keep it. I told her that’s impossible, I mean, that was an expensive jacket, I wasn’t going to just leave it with her. No matter how hot she looked! She complied and gave me back the jacket…and that’s when I noticed something is wrong. My pockets were lighter…

I checked! My charger was there, the money I had In my inside pocket was there…but I could not find my car keys. So I asked her politely if she had seen them, she says she doesn’t know anything about car keys. I asked her friends to look under the table or around where they are sitting if the keys were there, and suddenly their demeanor changed. They got all defensive, telling me to stop accusing them of stealing my car keys. I found that odd, because I did not accuse anyone, I simply asked if they had seen car keys anywhere around their table. They got so agitated that the decided to leave the club (please note, they had not finished their drinks yet). I got more suspicious of them so I tried to call the clubs manager on his phone. Unfortunately he did not answer. I also informed the bouncer about it, but he was tied up sorting out another mess.

It was then I told my boys we should leave, which we did. And we followed these ladies to the elevator. Please note, 40/40 is on the 9th floor. When these ladies saw we were there waiting for the elevator with them, they opted to take the stairs. Four ladies, half drunk, in skimpy clothes and high heels walking down 9 floors? Now that fueled my suspicion further. They were bailing! I had no proof of what i was suspecting so I could not confront them. And after all, my car was safely parked in Riverside at my boys house and not at the club. So I kept quiet. We left, and the ladies disappeared.

The next morning I woke up and went to 40/40 to ask the cleaning staff if they had found any keys, they said they hadn’t. And trust me they didn’t because we ransacked the whole club, but found no keys (thank you 40/40 staff for being helpful). I went to the security staff for the building and asked if there were any keys that had been left with them by the night staff, they said there was none. So walked out upset, knowing now more than ever, those ladies must have taken my car keys.

As I stood outside the building, I lit a cigarette, started smoking. A cab guy nearby came and asked for one too. He asked me “you look stressed out, nini mbaya”. So i explained what had happened, to which he responded by laughing. He told me, “Shukuru gari haijaenda”. So I asked him, what do you mean? That’s when he explained how I was a MARK. They ladies are sent by car thieves who wait outside the club milling about aimlessly or waiting in another car. The ladies must have assumed that because I am a media personality, I must have an expensive car. So they steal the keys from me, and give it to the car thieves, who go around pressing the alarm key until they identify my car. Which they get in and proceed to go like they own it. I stood there for a short while, and the cab guy advised me to get a new ignition for my car.

This is my warning - leave your car at home and use an uber/taxify/mondoride/littlecab … Thieves are now getting smarter and have upgraded from stealing phones to stealing cars. To these thieves though, if it were up to me, lets just say mob justice would be a walk in the park. I would honestly ensure your are damaged goods physically, psychologically and spiritually. You would not be able to pee without assistance. I would take away your will to live, I would ensure the thought of stealing gives you nightmares. Why? You do not steal or attempt to steal a man’s car…that’s like taking away or attempting to take away his left NUT.

Hizi story ndefu wekeni kwa mfuko

sisomi kama sio sex n relationship

That’s why I have my suzuki jimny

• Leave your car at home when you go clubbing
• Don’t fall for the smiles of beautiful ladies at the club, they could be setting you up
• They take away your car keys and give to thugs who drive off with your car

Hehe nobody wants a Jimmy? Na vile mi huona ikiwa poa for off-road trips.

That’s the whole point " nobody wants jimny". I can leave it kwa parking lot with keys hanging inside and no one will touch.

Mkamba naona umerudi kwa mtandao :D:D

Na kama uko Eldoret kwenye akina @Budspencer huenda kuhang out na tractor?
Honestly it isn’t a joke, several times we went drinking and our only transport home was a tractor parked outside.

This story was brought to you in association with Uber and 40/40 club

Mimi huwa natembea na clamp ya kanjo, nikifika naweka…

Mbosha ya smiling beautiful women or it never happened

Who carries car keys in their jackets? Sounds more of something that can happen to wankers who are fond of displaying their keys kwa meza. Funga gari uweke key kwa mguko. Nobody would even know you drove to the venue.

Sande omwami ,hii vitu mrefu kusoma huwa zinanisumbua.

Wharrrris this

Its the new trick employed by thugs.
He was lucky, a friend of mine lost his Toyota Dyna Truck in a similar set up pale Mlolongo. Luckily it was comprehensive, got compensated.

Makende we we. Ukifunga gari unawekanga key wapi?

My bro used to ng’oa steering wheel kwa Peugeot 504, ukiingia ndani unabaki umecheka tu.

mfuko . lakini testis kama wewe nasema “mguko”. ongea kiswahili kama unataka msaada. now when you talk a language that only minions understand then how can non-minions like me help you shenzi :slight_smile:

Angesimamisha hao madame wasearchiwe.