Ive been on the forum couple of months and its been a real eye opener about not just how the world has changed since I was a girl ,and trust me its a while back. Im taking a hiatus to sort out some issues that need all my attention. Last night I was at work and went through alot of stuff on the forum and decided before Im outta, I share my insights with especially the younger pink handles. As am a mom of girls I can see I have my work cut out for me to equip my dotas on how to navigate the choppy waters of relationships in this era.
In my day, people were very conservative in their relationships you could be in a relationship with someone and sex wouldnt be on the table, now I realise that losing one’s virginity is a rite of passage like losing wisdom teet and sex is equal to dating and dating is equal to sex.Gone are the days when you could date someone for years and not sleep with them. Nowadays its about on the first or third date or at most 3 months , if you’re not sleeping with someone they dump you promptly.
Now if you’re already in this lifestyle Im not judging you, but I want to suggest a better way to do relationships . A woman is not a compartmentalised being, whatever a woman does or doesnt do in any one area of her life affects not just her and every area of her life but even imprints on her offsprings’ DNA and genetic makeup. Read up on epigenetics. This means that as a woman you must be careful about everything and cant be as ‘adventurous’ as the other half of the population. Every last thing you eat,drink, have sex with- including vibrators,watch,do will not only affect you but your posterity.
Since this is a relationship/sex forum I’ll not go into food ,alcohol,cigarettes and why no woman should touch drugs especially shisha. Its all going to your kids genetics.Lemme start by saying, Your body and Your heart are not playthings so dont jump into the popular culture and extremely destructive of hookups and serial monogamy. Remember that all the baggage you’re racking up by living by the low standards of this sexually amoral culture/society will hurt not just you but your kids and their kids kids. In being a mother you need to be emotionally open and whole now if you’ve become an emotional ice queen because of heartbreaks,breakups and sex with men who’ve got no consideration and commitment to you basically men using you for sex. This means you will not be the best mother for your kids and you are likely to marry a man who will not be a great dad for your kids because you’re emotionally broken.
I understand that because women have become more promiscuous it creates the impression that for a woman to get a commitment from a man she must sleep with him. But because everyone else is jumping off a cliff does not mean you do it as well just so you belong. Its possible to be absolutely chaste until your wedding night. However you must be smart how you relate to men, first of all be clear in your mind that casual sex /relationships are not for you. You only have sex and children with your husband. If a man is not your husband ,you have no business in being alone with him or getting emotionally attached to him. You have clear goal, you focus on it and dont deviate. Because your posterity is on the line. Remember that even for practical reasons women are at greater risk for disease because of their anatomy , greater risk for emotional problems like depression and addictions should the relationship fail and risks of breast cancer and suicidal tendency for abortions and early /single motherhood. As in if theres someone with an incentive to stay off the predatory dating/sexcapade landscape of today, and steer clear of this minefield until theyre married legally ,it should be a women.
Now I understand , that many women have not had unconditional love growing up and grow up in very unstable home environment and so leave home with a great void and need for love . The poor role modelling in abusive and unhealthy marriages makes women have a victim personality, problems with self assertion and self esteem because the template of what a relationship or marriage is is a man neglecting and abusing a woman. So they gravitate towards this. Much of it is unconscious. Search for the Human Magnet Syndrome by Ross Rosenberg to understand better this dynamic. Now before any woman enters any relationship she must resolve this childhood wounds and parental lapses and wrong imprinting. Otherwise shes bound to perpetuate the unhealthy dynamic she saw growing up. Its not called a generational pattern for nothing, if you dont make conscious steps to move away from it, you’ll repeat the past. Instead of dating 20 people when you’re wounded from your generational issues, sort them then when you’re whole and mature enough for marriage, get married, dont date, dont mess around, short courtship then marriage, pray for a spouse earnestly because as a humanbeing you have tunnel vision,only God knows who will be best fit for you and your kids 15/20 years from now,for you you only know what you see now but things change and only God knws the beginning from the end.Do it God’s way not the world’s way trust me you’ll have saved yourself a cesspool and quagmire of unimaginable proportions.
Its no coincidence that prostitutes and pornstars are drug addicts and commit suicides. Humans particularly women are not cut out for this multiple non committal sex rampages. Dont mold yourself into something you’re not created to handle because well everyone is doing it. If you look in history nobody exemplary did things because everyone else was doing them. Check out the timeless icons. Gandhi, Mandela,MLK ,Mother Teresa. They were extraordinary because they were different from what everyone else did or expected.
My point ladies is this , woman is a custodian of morals and high ideals in every society. And when she fails at this, society,generations, herself will go to the dogs. As a woman,its your choice, and its a choice that can start from today. Even if you’ve messed up so far, so what? You can start over and because society loves redemption,all will be forgotten. But the journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step. I want to end with 2 stories of two women in the Bible - one a wise woman Abigail( 1 Samuel 25),one a victim of society - the Levite’s Concubine (Judges 19) and ask you which would you want to be . Then I end with the Proverbs 31 woman to show the standard God has for you as a woman - this is the best and my model for womanhood. Its not to be a slay queen or shisha queen who drinks and curses worse than a sailor and can do all kinds of unimaginable lewd acts without flinching. Live honorably, steer clear of the corruption that is this world. For the simple reason that You are better than that.You can do better and I hope you do. Much love Georgina.