They say that every person has a breaking point.
A point where life just becomes unbearable and not worth living anymore. This point is different for everyone and what will make one person despair and loose hope in living may be Nothing to another person.
Wealthy people will also tell you that they dont count their success by how many things they tried and succeeded at,rather by how many times they Failed and Got up to Try again! Those simple words saved my life and i heard them from a successful woman enterpreneur on some ABC Financial programme on a cold winter night 5 years ago as i planned to end it all! I had got my self here by making some really bad financial decisions in the previous 3 years before the collapse of the Western World Economies around 2008. Like any Tom,Dick,Harry and Barry,i had taken out 2 Mortgages on 2 houses that i intended to rent out as an extra income.(And because the Bank Manager kept offering me the loans - the Prick!) Life is good when you and everybody else in the country is living on borrowed money! What; Everybody was driving a brand new car (i had an E-Class),there were parties happening every weekend with everyone basically inviting you round to their house to show you what they had been "blessed" with! I even had a Naija friend who installed a plasma t.v on the floor of his patio (veranda) Everybody i knew had at least 2 houses and they were planning on building a high rise apartment block in Kasarani. Long story shortened,the Economy in America collapses and it has a domino effect on Europe almost immediately.People start loosing jobs because all the big multinational companies they were working for are now cutting back.You dont have a job so you cant afford to keep up the car payments and that mortgage payment and your “tenant” is also been made Redundant so the “extra income” from that second home becomes the “extra burden”.
Soon,the Banks start threatening you with Court orders and injunctions “failure of which could lead to you loosing your home”.
You struggle to make ends meet and the extra overtime is gone at your job,your wife who works as a nurse has had her hours and rate of pay cut down due to Government cutbacks on the budget.
Now you and your wife all of a sudden have too much time sitting at home doing nothing which can only mean one thing…Arguments! You start fighting about anything and everything from the Bills to why she is looking at you “like that!”
Your projects in Africa are on the back burner and you start having difficulties calling home juu they just dont understand why you are not sending the money anymore so “umeanza kubadilika” or “siku hizi anaringa sana”
Finally it gets so bad that even after the reschuduling of your loans and all the arrangements you make with the bank,they have taken your second house and are now coming for your familys home. Depression kicks in and you cant see an end to this! You dont talk to the wife anymore juu it just ends up in a fight and she even blames you for being so reckless and for the fact that the kids may not have a home to come to next week.
You are so used to the brown envelopes from the magistrates court that the you dont open them anymore. That is until a Court Bailiff knocks on your door one morning and Hands you a letter of Repossession straight from the Judge.
You can jump up and down and even scream out loud but the fact of the matter is that you and your family will be “out of that house next week at 0200 Hours Failure of which your personal property shall be removed with or without your consent bla bla bla fucking BLA!!!”
That is where i was that fateful winter night.
I asked the wife to take the kids to her aunt and that she shouldnt worry i was going to work something out. I had a bottle of vodka and some "happy pills" that my Doctor had prescribed because of my "depression" and as i took big sips on the vodka straight out of the bottle and for the first time since all these started,i contemplated swallowing the contents of that months pills and wash it all down with a good guggle of Vodka.
I almost did it but then by the Grace of God that woman was on ABC talking about how she had overcome sexism,racism etc. And just like a messanger from God above she said those magic words that saved me from ending my life.
“I do not measure my success by all the things and ideas that i achieved at doing, i measure my success by how many times i failed at different things BUT managed to dust myself up,rise and live to try another day!”
KTalkers please share any relevant experiences na sitaki kusikia juu ya Lorry ama Senior driver.
Hakuna haja ya pole.
What these experiences do is they bring out your inner strengths that you never thought you had BUT most importantly,it brings you in touch with your Faith in the Almighty God.
I guess i am a HOYA Nominee juu all the evidence i have is very incriminating.
Yaani you feel like everything has come to an end. Lost a job and believe me i know how it feels. Kwanza hiyo ya bibi knowing too well how ulikuwa umemzoesha the good things. Hapo ndipo utajua mapenzi yenyu imefika Wapi. Very humbling experience
You are so right!
Iremember even on the news they were saying that the only people making money were divorce lawyers.
Not alot of women will stand by your broke ass especially kama you met when you had plenty. Sometimes i wonder kama Kenya inaenda that direction kwanza in the Property market.
Keep the Faith it is the only thing you might have left to hold on to so you can`t afford to loose it.
Think of yourself this time next year and allow yourself to see good things ahead because with Faith in God,this time next year your problems today will be a distant experience that made you a better man.
Ni hayo tu!
I have never considered suicide. I have this belief that I’m in charge of my life that I never thought of giving up. I grew up in a rough part of Nairobi and through being respectful and obedient to my folks and not being afraid of hard work, I was able to move ahead in life. I could have got much further than I have but I am brutally honest. Honesty is a disability when swimming with sharks.
I suppose if I was not able to provide shelter, the one role that rests on the man’s shoulder, for the family, I could consider suicide.
Enyewe in life kuna upsband downs! Me I was deported two years ago and the only belonging I posessed was those tooth brushes that your given by the airline. I had spent about two months in jail before been deported back home! I remember I was arrested kwa street while coming from the bank to change some bucks! Beign an illegal migrants bila passport my goose was cooked. It was the darkest moment of my life coming back home with only the clothes I had on and a tooth brush branded qatar airways and 2 yuan coins. I walked fron jkia to town where my siz working place! Wah enyewe mwanaume hutoka far
@Ka-Buda na si umeona mengi kwa hii dunia? Kwanza being so far away from your immediate family who most often are the support systems that we take for granted over here. Truly, the saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger holds true.
I have never considered giving up or resulting to something like suicide or alcoholism. But i have been quite sure severaly to die of depression in weeks or months. At one time I tried to write an informal will thinking that i might collapse and go (severe depression often comes with mild chest pain). I had lack of appetite, chronic insomnia, a ton of dont care attitude, lack of sympathy or emotion for anything, complete social withdrawal. I dint feel like buying anything including food though i always had good amount of money in the bank. This was not to save money. In any case I didnt care for money. I would be confined in my house(precisely bedroom) for a day or two without putting anything more than sugary coffee into my stomach. When I had to leave the house to buy something(food), I would pick any clothes including old worn ones, wouldnt bother shower or groom my hair or anything. While outside, I would pay attention to nothing, absolutely nothing. By the time am back, I couldnt remember anybody I talked to because I didnt pay the slightest attention to anyone.
Even if I talked to a woman/girl, i would be completely aloof and wouldnt remember her face or name the next minute. I always bought raw food to cook and wouldnt buy ready food because i found buying ready made food too much engaging with the seller. When am back, I would then put food on a shelf and go back to bedroom and cover myself with a duvet for hours because i am almost too weak to cook. Later, i would just put everything together and boil, add onions salt and some oil at whatever stage. After eating i would go to reclusion again. Spend a amonth or two in such unbroken cycle and THAT IS HELL NOW. It is then i realised that in this world, you are almost always alone despite being among people. You are the only one who knows whats going on with you and certainly the only one who gives a real fuck about it.
I later understood that a human can stand very high pressure.