.
Yes
It could also be worse:
[SIZE=6]SHE DIVORCED ME BECAUSE I LEFT DISHES BY THE SINK[/SIZE]
It seems so unreasonable when you put it that way: My wife left me because sometimes I leave dishes by the sink.
It makes her seem ridiculous; and makes me seem like a victim of unfair expectations.
We like to point fingers at other things to explain why something went wrong, like when Biff Tannen crashed George McFly’s car and spilled beer on his clothes, but it was all George’s fault for not telling him the car had a blind spot.
This bad thing happened because of this, that, and the other thing. Not because of anything I did!
Sometimes I leave used drinking glasses by the kitchen sink, just inches away from the dishwasher.
It isn’t a big deal to me now. It wasn’t a big deal to me when I was married. But it WAS a big deal to her.
Every time she’d walk into the kitchen and find a drinking glass by the sink, she moved incrementally closer to moving out and ending our marriage. I just didn’t know it yet. But even if I had, I fear I wouldn’t have worked as hard to change my behavior as I would have stubbornly tried to get her to see things my way.
The idiom “to cut off your nose to spite your face” was created for such occasions.
[SIZE=6]Men Are Not Children, Even Though We Behave Like Them[/SIZE]
Feeling respected by others is important to men.
Feeling respected by one’s wife is essential to living a purposeful and meaningful life. Maybe I thought my wife should respect me simply because I exchanged vows with her. It wouldn’t be the first time I acted entitled. One thing I know for sure is that I never connected putting a dish in the dishwasher with earning my wife’s respect.
Yesterday I responded to a comment by @insanitybytes22, in which she suggested things wives and mothers can do to help men as an olive branch instead of blaming men for every marital breakdown. I appreciated her saying so.
But I remember my wife often saying how exhausting it was for her to have to tell me what to do all the time. It’s why the sexiest thing a man can say to his partner is “I got this,” and then take care of whatever needs taken care of.
I always reasoned: “If you just tell me what you want me to do, I’ll gladly do it.”
But she didn’t want to be my mother. She wanted to be my partner, and she wanted me to apply all of my intelligence and learning capabilities to the logistics of managing our lives and household.
She wanted me to figure out all of the things that need done, and devise my own method of task management.
I wish I could remember what seemed so unreasonable to me about that at the time.
[SIZE=6]Men Can Do Things[/SIZE]
Men invented heavy machines that can fly in the air reliably and safely. Men proved the heliocentric model of the solar system, establishing that the Earth orbits the Sun. Men design and build skyscrapers, and take hearts and other human organs from dead people and replace the corresponding failing organs inside of living people, and then those people stay alive afterward. Which is insane.
Men are totally good at stuff.
Men are perfectly capable of doing a lot of these things our wives complain about. What we are not good at is being psychic, or accurately predicting how our wives might feel about any given thing because male and female emotional responses tend to differ pretty dramatically.
[SIZE=6]‘Hey Matt! Why would you leave a glass by the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher?’[/SIZE]
Several reasons.
[ol]
[li]I may want to use it again.[/li][li]I don’t care if a glass is sitting by the sink unless guests are coming over.[/li][li]I will never care about a glass sitting by the sink. Ever. It’s impossible. It’s like asking me to make myself interested in crocheting, or to enjoy yardwork. I don’t want to crochet things. And it’s hard for me to imagine a scenario in which doing a bunch of work in my yard sounds more appealing than ANY of several thousand less-sucky things which could be done.[/li][/ol]
There is only ONE reason I will ever stop leaving that glass by the sink. A lesson I learned much too late: Because I love and respect my partner, and it REALLY matters to her. I understand that when I leave that glass there, it hurts her— literally causes her pain—because it feels to her like I just said: “Hey. I don’t respect you or value your thoughts and opinions. Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are.”
All the sudden, it’s not about something as benign and meaningless as a (quasi) dirty dish.
Now, it’s a meaningful act of love and sacrifice, and really? Four seconds? That doesn’t seem like the kind of thing too big to do for the person who sacrifices daily for me.
I don’t have to understand WHY she cares so much about that stupid glass.
I just have to understand and respect that she DOES. Then caring about her = putting glass in dishwasher.
Caring about her = keeping your laundry off the floor.
Caring about her = thoughtfully not tracking dirt or whatever on the floor she worked hard to clean.
Caring about her = taking care of kid-related things so she can just chill out for a little bit and not worry about anything.
Caring about her = “Hey babe. Is there anything I can do today or pick up on my way home that will make your day better?”
Caring about her = a million little things that say “I love you” more than speaking the words ever can.
Uppuss. The way the law works in the west, that is inevitable. Wazungu hawajui kutumia shoka vizuri. She left the guy because she hated him. Nothing to do with glasses and sinks. She hated the guy and needed an excuse to leave, knowing the court would order him to pay her cash prizes for leaving.
These “Alpha Men” have invented the Single Mothers they did not arrive on Earth from Planet Singleton.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction these women You met, fell in love and married, were they NOT demons before? ama they changed overnight??
Men should be responsible not running around with their willies in their hands playing who sticks many holes.
Marriage is not a bed of roses, there are many things we forgo to keep running . women think they are gold if they dont sniff another woman in the mans life, but when she realises that she might not be the only one she calms her tities . dont give too much attention to the woman, love the kids and maintain a responsible life, pondering her with too much love will brew a time bomb. give her the respect and listen to whatever ideas she might have but not meaning you will buy it. Most of all keep yourself happy and love yourself more
wanataka kuniridhi na niko hai. They did miscalculation sai am sweeping her dry… A man only takes enough.
No fault divorce manenos.
The evil mother in-law and the bitch sis saa hii wanashangaa what hit them.
hahahaha the stories she is telling people is totally opposite and full of lies. I know its because of shame. The mother has not even come to Nairobi to see her daughter before or after the court case. Ata to clear the house debt ndio nyumba to be open for her to access her clothes hana, the mother cant pay juu yeye ndio mkora number one na she cant help her daughter juu amaeharibu kwake…
btw a very good friend, married in 2013, anaishi kwake ruai, last week at around 12am, mother in law and father in law come and picked their daughter. So jamaa was left with his 2 small girls. Guy took them kwa his mum, yeye akarudi job. incredibly last friday they went again to his mother place and now picked the 2 girls. The guy is mad like shit.
Reason of their breakup, the wife and mother work in the same place, wife wanted to do masters and buy her own car. Jamaaa told her juu job yake ni contract they put the things on hold juu masters is not higher salary guarantee plus they have a ka fielder she can use. Wife akamea pembe sana. But everything has the hand of mother in law.
Yeah, when someone is led misled by her mother, unajua tu huyo hamwezi kuishi. And that father must be a cuck, how can you be dragged by your wife kuenda kudeal na vitu in your daughter’s house? Some men have no self-respect.
si mzee anapewa orders na mama sasa.
My own observation is, how the mother treats the dad is how she will want her daughter to treat you, as her man. Kama yeye amekalia bwana expect the same. Its incredible hizi vitu
What a Thread! @kanyus
My two cents is have you considered professional counselling? I know most counselors give Philip Kitoto Kind of advices but some are good talk to some elderly marriage counsel give it a final try before you decide to go the divorce way…
Unless you want to live a single life the efforts of starting a new relationship/marriage will go full circle as you will discover that even the mpango & you will have issues, maybe different ones but issues will be there in all relationships… Suggest to her that (professional counselling) if she is willing to go through this there could be a chance you might be able to salvage this…
@D… Mungai you one cold mofo!..:D:D:D
I don’t know who you are but you are a wise man.
So…you have a mpango wa kando.
You mete domestic violence on your wife who’s also the mother of your kids.
You used to love her so sio ati you were forced into holy matrimony.
But she’s the evil one?
Isorait.
Matusi ya huyo mwanamke [yenye inafanya apigwe vibao] unafikiria ina build attraction ndani ya huyo mwanaume, nugu hii?
when it comes to domestic violence, a great many women actually ask for it.
Marriage is not those makali Ama fobe, nyama choma etc you just order and they come depending on how much you got in your pockets ! No refence manual, operation guides hakuna ! Few men get into it without even knowing , wananjikuta dani ! Deeeep in total mess .Torrance, wisdom, patience, sacrifice, prayers and remember mwanamke huongea shinda zake na the whole world . Men you can’t fight the world , either you give up or die .
But always remember killing is no solution!
While that may be true in some cases, because we make noise instead of communicating calmly when annoyed ([SIZE=1]it is the way we are wired emotionally)[/SIZE] [SIZE=4]I could also argue that it takes a vv special breed of a man to learn to walk away and come back later. [/SIZE]
at lest we are in agreement about something.
I have no recollection of disagreeing with you about anything. Besides when we are left alone as he jumps into his car and zooms off, we start panicking…ooooh where has he gone now, who is he with and then we kind of beg back kwanza when he switches off his phone!:mad:
Marriage is not what is being painted here on KTALK.