dint smoke in the car mwiso

… at the westie round about, the short sleved goon lit one of my cigarette and puffed away. I remembered the scuffle FASIE and I had that morning when I was in her kagui ready to go to work. she’d toldme not to smoke in the car band I furiously gave her back her keys and took a mat. furious for nothing. now this.

to avoid the roadblock near nyayo stadium main gate, we took Aerodrome road. hiyo kabarabara behind the stadium kutokea Lusaka red roundabout. the goons kept on arguing which route to take to kariobangi. some wanted to go through town some through inda. last minute the goon driver took inda route and hell broke loose. no it didn’t. hell yawned. a big ugly yawn that dragged us to the deepest Mariana trench of the shadow of the valley of death located three clicks north north west of hells capital city Pandemonium. if you remember well, there used to be a roadblock some fewmetrrs after the turn off to that popular club. I forget the name. clubhouse I think. anywho, the roadblock was there that night. we approached it slowly. but as the goon driver swung right to avoid the spikes, the real driver now seated in the middle, in a dire attempt at saving his mat, in one deathly drove, snatched the wheel and swung left. right over the spikes we went. the goon driver went into panic mode and floored the throttle. missed a policeman by the length of his tree. ngai fafa. nitwathiraa. tumeisha

the struggle for the steering wheel persisted band we succeeded in ramming to hell most of the oncoming traffic. the short sleeved goon bust through his window like cum from a teenager during wet dream. tires defeated to kogalo and back twice. every passage was screaming to every known deity. the cops gave chase firring in the air hopping that a stray bullet would hit a thug, or a pedestrian, or a cat, or something. were approached the roundabout ahead at breack neck speed. my mouth opened wide in supplication to Jehovah God to save my soul. we hit the roundabout at precicely three and a quarter times the NASA recommended Escape Velocity for mars bound extra terrestrial vehicles. airborne we drifted. my open moiyj came crushing the front seat metal pipe harder than train from Casablanca. my front left tooth took blame and splintered exactly eleven times. the remnant faced my throat more like a boas fang than human tooth. airborne still. I managed to swallow five pieced of the splinter saving the rest for posterity.

we cleared the roundabout airborne careening to the right. then gravity won and we came down hard on tarmac second end laying on the driver side. did I mention the cops gave chase. they did. before we could say digital decoder, they were on us shooting fire and pissing brimestone. the door slid open and we climbed out through what now was the roof. “Lila mwanaume lsla chini” was the clarion call by the pigs. sorry, police. all we lay down. the crowd of onlookers creapt ever closer. now it is known since the days of Cleopatra that men laying down when cops are president means wezi. the kirindi decoded this and decided we were all wezi. next stop, lynching. screams rent the cool evening breeze.“wezi wezi, uaa uaa” stones rained. not stones. fist size missiles propelled twice. the elderly man Vought one at the temple and he went straight to his forefathers. I caught two. one on my butt and upper thigh. was headed to the mabenda tree nikageuka.

the police fired some more and the crowd scattered. we thumbed the three remaining thugs and we were let off. they remained on the floor together with the old guy gone to new Jerusalem. the infamous flying squad arrived and we were ordered to scrum ndio wamalizie Zhao jamaa. remember my book? still had it. I chomokaad headed to town chief in my mind, get to office, get money then hospital. completely forgot the fifteen in the book and decided to walk through Uhuru highway, over the railway bridge to harambee avenue. I am sure I mentioned that trench in hell. the devil summoned me deeper.

walking on Uhuru highway near the bridge I looked back and noticed some young men fifty or so meters behind me
. I increased my pace. on top of the bridge they were on me. a crushing blow to my side sent me sprawling down the hilly side to oblivion. they sat on me. some strangling me, some scavenging on anything on me. jacket, ring, one shoe, fifte in the book, watch and gold pen made the loot. then like wind they went. good mother of god. I felt like I had sent a please call me to my ancestors… 2.43am. narara sasa. kary gani


Nice read.

lightning strikes twice…

Woih! A sad albeit funnily told story. Good read.

I refuse to join the bandwagon and applaud mediocrity.Nowadays, the cheapest of phones come with an auto correct feature.If you must write, why not go through what you’ve written before hitting post.As a country, that’s why we fall so behind for applauding people who deserve no praise just to please them.I refuse.If I were a high school teacher marking this.I would give you 45/100.Oh, and nobody try saying the spelling and grammatical mistakes are part of the humor.

Simu yako ina autocorrect ya Kiswahili na Sheng?


We thie ugathicwo nugu ino,kwani hii ni gazeti umenunua?wacha kusoma


hawa ni watu wa mpasho ama??

Murphy’s law at work…

Nice read. With typos or not, I will still read it again.

And you @Mathice, am yet to see a piece from you that would excite anyone. Yet you are here talking about mediocrity. Andika yako tuichambue, nkt.

Nkt tuliachia wamama facebook.

Quite an experience…

Mimi ni mama Facebook.

#all, thanks a lot for reading. I appreciate your readership. nyinyi ni wetu. (bowing)


the short sleeved goon bust through his window like cum from a teenager during wet dream. tires defeated to kogalo and back twice. every passage was scream

he he he

So where to smoke…serious!

missed the policeman by the length of his tree…

In this post uwesmake is a guest… Hahaha when did this happen?