Craziest Lanye Stories

True and I remember it was posted on Hekaya, @Starscream is a fraudster

Mine was just juzi juzi, nimepata msichana petite pale tagged nikaita kejani. Agrees price 2k.

Msichana hakuwa mbaya vile though too thin for my liking but tulisema shimo mbaya ni ya nyoka tu.

While conversing I noticed mdomo inanuka. Ah, nothing a bottle of Vat 69 can’t take care of.

Blunder begun when tulifika bed. As a rule I don’t foreplay if I’m paying… Lube always on the ready.

Sasa dame anachukua stick vizuri complete with the waist whining and soft luo mourns.

Ikabamba sana dame akaamua ni squirting sasa. Watu wangu ile harufu ilitoka humo ndanio_Oo_Oo_O.

Now sheets are a mess!! Nyumba inanuka kama fish market saa saba!

Mind you it’s kitu 12AM so lazima tulale hapo. Longest night, changed the sheets but bado. The stench had sipped through the duvet hadi kwa mattress.

Alafu morning dame anadai morning glory. Abdalla for the first time alikataa kusimama, ndio nilijua ata ancestors are disappointed!!

Alitoka kejani kitu later in the day and has tried to come for a rematch but ain’t nobody got time!!!

I came to the conclusion that the chick must have had an abo*rtion hivi karibuni and thus the pungent smell.

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Huyo girlfriend ni bibi saa hii, chunga usinivunjie ndoa, hii hekaya umenitaja nayo ovyo ovyo on lanye threads

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Hii ni laana mjamaa, hama hiyo nyumba and overhaul your beddings

So, we get to heaven and Gabriel is holding a screenshot of this testimony :D:D:D
Hao walikuwa wa Spinners Hapo stage ya Nai. Ndio wanakuwanga hivo

Chap wacha hizo

Damn

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Heheh… Spinners, mukaro and now club 21… They are just on point.

Native :D:D:D:D

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Nothing a thorough cleaning can’t take care of…

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Quite the opposite… But I find myself in Nyeri often on job related trips.

Cunt relate, I got a girlfriend before I knew pvssy and was a shy teenager.

Unaharibu

Kuna siku niliibiwa 10K na 2 pokos kwa room in river road,… Kuna siku niliibiwa laptop na phone na poko ya kwa keja, Kuna siku I had to pay alot of money pale whitesands Mombasa juu ya kuingiza poko kwa room- Don’t know how they found out

Buda boss umepitia Life.

???

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@tall mnyama everywhere is a dumb beast

This used to be the script…ukianza kukula vitu, and she notices now your small mind is fully involved she would tell you “weka miguu straight ndio iingie yote”…kumbe that was the signal to the other lanye on the other side of the bedsheet that your pockets were ready for emptying. Hapo pa unataka iingie yote ndipo ulikuwa unaona moto.

Lost my wallet the second time I went there (I was lucky the first time when she told me to put my legs straight niliguza huyo lanye wa kuiba na mguu na nikashtuka, but akazusha ati nyinyi muache kunikanyanga hata kama mnatombana), the third time I lost money (kama nimeweka kwa kapocket kale kadogo ka jeans ka hapa mbele - greeks call it kaba ngue)so the fourth time I didnt go with my wallet and any extra money coz I thought they were only interested in the wallets, so I lost my phone. Kuanzia hapo I would leave everything at a friend’s place (he used to sell newspapers) and then go there na hiyo soo moja ya kukulana tu pekee. Many times nilikuwa napata pockets ziko inside out, wamekosa kitu ya kuiba. Thank God for his grace I quit that behaviour man. Jesus is wonderful!!!

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Nikiwa campus, kuna neighbour alileta lanye kejani usiku. Ahsubuhi aliamuka peke yake.
Kuangalia kejani, laptop, phones, money etc zimeibiwa.
Alafu alikuwa amemfungia ndani ya keja. Jamaa had to shout and scream to get people attention ndio wakate padlock na hacksaw.

Hahaha, almost got myself in the same spot. Some 2 years back nimeenda Diani, pale Leopard Beach Hotel. The client was catering for the flight and my accomodation since he wanted some stuff done and he was to make a killing out of it. I didnt have money on me, its those times, and client was to pay me a few days after coming back to Nairobi. So ikafika jioni, nikaachana na client after the meeting, nikapatana dinner time na a group that was there for a conference, very many young hot blooded chaps, usiku tukaenda out huko Ukunda. Nikajipatia mtu huko, but just before I sealed the deal one jamaa mentioned that he would have picked his but it would expose him coz its likely to be billed on their company, or would appear in the transactions even if he paid on the side. Hapo hata mimi nikawacha, otherwise when we were checking out I would be very embarrassed when the cashier brings the matter to the client as he cleared the bills. Dodged a bullet

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