I think i got hit on by a daughter-mother tag team yesterday. I met them in a matatu. I sat two seats in front of them and while waiting for it to fill up this cute three year old comes to my seat, smiles up at me and asks my name. I tell her i’m ‘uncle’ and she flat out refuses, says she knows all her uncles. I tell her my name which of course she can’t pronounce (she tried thendrik twice before she gave up) so she just gives up and annoints me ‘Lafiki Yangu’. She even has a lisp like me. I’m charmed.
I don’t like being with strangers kids lest something happens and i get blamed so i ask where mum is. She climbs on my lap and points to the pretty lady who’s now moved to the seat right behind me. I turn around and she smiles, doesn’t seem to mind the daughter chatting up this stranger. Daughter is full of her own questions now: ‘wapi toto wako’, ‘unachezaga na nani kama hauna toto’ then she declares she’s going to be magnanimous and ‘cheza na mimi sababu mimi pia sina daddy’. For the next ten minutes as the mat fills up i get taught kindergarten tunes about ‘sungura analala na jicho moja wazi’ and i gladly sing along. I’m getting barraged by the stage vendors with toys now and she really likes a pink pair of shades. I ask the mum if i can buy them for her and she has no objections. Little girl demands a selfie and so we turn around and the mother takes one.
The matatu is full now but baby girl refuses to go back to her mother. Again mother doesn’t seem to mind and i don’t too, i like kids. I hold her while she regales me with stories about her play mates followed by questions like ‘Bob alisema hapendi girls, wewe unapenda girls?’. I feel thoroughly interrogated in a mat full of eleven people. To my relief she asks for my phone to play games which she does until she doses off.
Two hours later they alight at a town next to my destination and I think that is that. That is until i notice a strange number on my phone’s call list today. I’m sure i didn’t make that call so i call the number and what do you know! It’s Mama Rafiki Yangu on the other end and she knows exactly who’s calling. I ask how and she turns on the flirt taps saying she loved my voice and would recognise it anywhere. She figures her girl must have dialled her number while playing with my phone and will i be in town next week? Well, she’ll be around shopping and since she’s not familiar with these parts of the boondocks will i mind showing her around. Little girl also says hi and that i should visit.
Mother and her wingman (or wingchild i suppose) have me cornered just like that. And when i save the number, her WhatsApp profile picture is Mubea and goggle wearing daughter smiling like a happy family. Hakuna cha taking it slow. Women have become accomplished hunters.