Hello people,my dad and I have been at loggerhead for as long as I can remember.This guy has been absent(not been there physically, emotionally and financially) for the most part of our lives ever since I was in std 1 to now in campus. He had lived with my mom for ten yrs in shagz before he got a job in the city where he escaped to,dunno if he joined mgtow brigade or eyes became shinier didn’t want to make them any dirtier… that’s non of my concern.
Personally I have no bond with him and deep down don’t feel the dad connection,if he were to die right now I’d be so unbothered just act as if a villager(not here in shagz) has passed on.
When I was a freshman he paid me a visit and as we parted ways he gave me 3k.He wanted we reconcile and start over again. I didn’t take it seriously coz he acts so childish I might say out loud…laughs hysterical especially any other time we borrowed him money before… I might reckon am much of a mature man than he is.
I agreed to reconcile with him and even paid him a visit where he lives and we even drunk together (liquor) but I was not convinced that he had grown up he still acted stupidly and I thought he planned like to give us a piece of land or something,he still treated us like an afterthought, I also came to learn that he has AIDs from his many yes of pervert ways.
The most bitter part is that he is a responsible father to his second family and didn’t bother about us.This is probably what made me take off with his money Ksh. 120K after showing me his been that I’d pay beers at different clubs we hanged out.I wanted at least to buy something like a nice laptop,enrol at a course so that I could at least catch up as far as his financial aid is concerned.
Though I was quite remorseful, I didn’t rush to withdraw the amount to a certain crypto app I had deposited, I had only withdrawn 20K,a week later he noted and asked me to return very bitterly of course which I did.We went back to being enemies of which am not bothered again.Now my mom wants we meet up and reconcile with him and he wants I go there.I want to go because of my mom.I hear that his other son after recently completing form 4 is with him.What do you think could have eaten up this man?What should I say when I meet him coz on WhatsApp I’ve spoken so bitterly to him without much of a father consideration.Any sound help is welcome.Thanks.

Ulianza na kuuza mkuundu, ukashindwa. Ukajaribu kuuza figo, pia hio ikakushinda. Sasa umeanza kuibia babako mzazi. Next tutakuokota chini ya daraja ndani ya gunia.

Heneway, sijasoma na sitasoma.

Man, wacha kusumbuka na shit za buda wako. If it is your mama ndiye amekuwa akikusomesha, I suggest you forget about hio catch up unataka kufanya na buda wako and concentrate on building your Life without him.

Hii link up unataka kufanya will only open a pandora box of frustrations. Focus your energies kwa yule ambaye anakusomesha, which for this case is your mum. You will be fine

Uko na kasoro mahali wewe :smiley:

The way you feel is valid my guy, i suggest uende tu and have no expectation about the outcome of the get together. Whether you forgive him or not is up to you, but wueeh this is hard to advice because this has never happened to me.

Update the kijiji on what happens next.

They say blood is thicker than water. This is why it’s very difficult for you to simply blot him out of your mind. I suggest you patch things up with him for the last time and then bid him a soft goodbye, meaning you’re aware of his existence but you refuse to let him interfere with your peace of mind. Do it for your mom, then afterwards block him on WhatsApp. He’s your biological dad but his toxicity has earned him trash status. Delete and block. Free yourself.

My mom hakunisomesha was given scholarship,she doesn’t work ni hustle tu.My mom was hopeful that if I reconcile with him anaeza tuwachia kakitu you know…
Yaani nijifanye fala, I overlook his negligence and play along…

The reflex that came to mind just from skimming through this thread is–don’t support a single mother’s kid, especially kama ni kihii. He’ll still go searching for his dad’s whereabouts. I know your subconscious mind is pushing you to reconnect with him, regardless of the differences. I’d suggest you reconcile but keep a distance for the sake of sanity. Mental health muhimu sana. Also, you’re now of legal age and need to hit a couple of solid milestones before 40. So, usipush sana. Just reach him to settle the cold war. Ikue akuna bad blood lakni msizoeane sana.

Have a relationship with him but on your terms. Remember, mothers don’t always tell the truth. He may have walked away because it was unbearable to live with your mother.

I have noticed men go through so much shit but they are okay with the kids hating them rather than telling kids how bad the mother is.

Boss, that’s your Biological father…just than…nothing more. He wasn’t there when u needed him the most. I was brought up by a single mum and I know how u feel…wewe jamaa, wacha kufikiria eti if u reconcile, atawaachia kakitu…hustle hard boss, u have your mum to take care of. Did that man worry u would have slept hungry, gone without clothes or had no money to pay ur school fees? Did he make an effort no matter how little to support you? Did he care? if I were u, I would forget him and acted as if he never existed…

You are a grown man now. You need to pick your own life battles. Work. Take care of your mother because it’s your duty to do so.
Do you know why he left her ? I’m telling you some skeletons are best left in the darn closet.

After you read all comments…just go back to your normal day to day routine…and think thru things.
As purple said…blood is thicker than water…hi maneno hata huwezi sleep over it…it will take time…a hell lot of time…and you may still be left with raw mixed feelings and emotions and un answered questions.
But heres some jewelry…BABA NI BABA…RESPECT THE MAN REGARDLESS…fail in anything else but dont fail when it comes to HONORING YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER…sawa…you will be held to account one day…sawa hata kama umeamua kukata risto na yeye…RESPECT THE MAN.
God bless you and guide you and your family.

So the guy is a responsible father to his second family but treats you and your mother as an afterthought?
Seems the blame lies with your mom, find out what she did to build up such resentment from your father, plus you are not helping by straining that relationship further by stealing from your dad. He has tried to form a relationship with you but you still fuck up.

conclusion: your dad is a stand-up guy, your mother is STILL a kunguru for scheming to get an inheritance from him. You and your mother don’t need him so let him live his new life in peace and you can live the life your mother chose for you.

acha ujuaji mob kijana, he might not have been there for you, lakini for you to turn your frustrations with him to such hubris will be your downfall

Your father is still your father whether he was never your dad

If you cannot bury the past and forge forward then the same problem awaits you with your son. Your father is your first hero. Even if the teen years bring some separation but your father is still that

Someone your age shouldn’t allow themselves to be foolishly led to make such dishonest decisions.

If I were you, I would at best keep the connection with buda casual. I will then stand my ground and deny to be used by mama to settle old scores (this is actually what your mum is pushing you to do) with mzee by exploiting him pocket wise.

Last, kama mzee anataka kukuwachia kitu, atafanya tu bila your involvement.

Usikuwe katikati ya vita ya mzee na mama. Steer clear of it and attach importance to the one who actually raised you when the other wasn’t concerned about your well-being

Maybe you stealing from your dad reminded him why he left you guys.

Fact is we see our mums with such puppy eyes and not for what they truly are. Maybe as a partner they’ve got major weaknesses and that’s why your dad left for his sanity as we’ve got only one life to live.
Babako iniatited contact with you kama a fellow man. Try to build a relationship with you. Going to an extend of giving you his ATM. But you, waona your dad through your mum’s eyes. Your thieving makes you a shitty person.
See your dad as the man he is. You’re old enough to know you can never work out with some women. Your mum was such a woman to your dad.

The point is in as far as I would to like to defend my mom,she was harmless, obedient innocent girl when they lived together in the village, there’s no way she could be hard headed as you’re trying to point out…what my dad I think did was to be exposed to many women skimply dressed you know…kichwa ikaruka or as you say once you start a lanye, there’s no going back.Dont you think that’s why he has AIDs.Sikuwa namchunguza bt I went through his phone and all I could see ni…hi babe…Mambo wify…beb Sasa in 95% of his WhatsApp from around 40chats… basically kuhanya tu I think he’s just a lustful man who by having just a mancave is good to go as he can bring how’s in and out… needless to say he doesn’t live with his second wife as well though he helps those kids,he lives like a 20yr old I tell you.

how are you in university and cant write simple English coherently ?