Advice to single mamas

Your life is very important. Even when you don’t have children, your life is important. It took losing people I loved dearly to really understand how valuable that one life of an individual is. I know sometimes because of blunders we may make in life, the devil and his agents like mimi humwagiwa ndani and mgtow gey community sods, may make you feel like your life either as a single woman or a single mother has no worth.

This is why many single mothers live wrecklessly because the message is if a man could not even stay with you after giving a child how utterly worthless and pathetic must you be. Single mothers internalize these negative messages from society.

Then they get desperate to get married especially if their baby daddy has moved on and gotten married. The problem with desperation is that it’s like being under the influence of drugs. You hallucinate. You see what is not there. And of course your ‘friend’ Satan is always on standby to satisfy your desperate need by sending you someone who will destroy your life completely.

Have you ever fasted for say a week without any food, what happens when you see food? Do you care if it’s junk food or if imepikwa na mafuta ya generator? Even if you see a fried shoe with some tomatoes on it you will try to eat it. It’s the same way with relationships if you are starving for a relationship you will likely end up in a toxic one. As they say beggars can’t be choosers but then when did you become a beggar? When you became a single mother or when you turned a certain age? But how are you a beggar when nobody is feeding you or housing you? None of the people making you feel like you are nothing actually contribute anything meaningful to your life. What they contribute is just negative energy that you can do without. Why should you give nobodies who are of no consequence to your life power to determine your worth? Someone who has never even offered you a glass of water is making you feel some type of way? why? You see even if that person or those people died, it wouldn’t affect your life not even an iota. Why the ferk should you care about what such inconsequential people think of you?

Every week recently a single mother is dying or being murdered by people that they are in relationship with and you are left wondering what kind of standards do these women have for the kind of people that they allow into their lives? I would think that being a parent makes you have higher standards for the sake of your kids but it seems to be the opposite. Long story short. Our individual lives are irreplaceable. You as a daughter, as a mother, as a sister, as an aunt really irreplaceable. I know because the people I have lost some who may not have seemed like much, I can’t find anyone that can replace them in my heart, nobody out of 8 billion people can replace what they meant to me when they were alive. You are irreplaceable. Nobody can replace you if you hang out with the wrong crowd or person and they not seeing your worth destroy your life. Your mother, your kids, your dad and all those people to who you mean the world to are the ones who will be left with a hole in their hearts.

After I lost someone I loved dearly to suicide, I came to understand a profound truth about our lives, that they are not just our lives but that our significant others, our loved ones have shares in our lives. God is a big shareholder in our lives. So we can’t just throw away our lives with no consideration for our shareholders. I often tell my adopted son who is almost 30 that before he does anything shitty, gets into any toxic relationship he better call me and ask for my vote because I am a shareholder and if shit happens to him, I will suffer because I am invested.

A huge part of growing up is understanding this, that you can’t be all things to all people because you have limited resources. Your life is the most limited resource you have. Only the best of the best deserve to be in it. You do not have an eternity so you can’t just allow anyone who shows interest in you to be part of your life. It’s too scarce a resource for you to squander on people who have not proved that they deserve it.

Follow the pareto principle, 20% of the people in your life contribute 80% of the value in your life. Focus on those in the 20% and to hell with the 80% who take up most of the space in your life but add only 20% of the value. Imagine if you put everything into the 20% that add the most value how much better your life could be. This principle can help you weed out bad elements in your life, keep you out of trouble and save you alot of heartache.

I salute all single mothers. You do important work. You are better than hooking up with just any man. You are better than being treated like a hoe by men who see you as desperate and easy to take advantage of. You can do bad all by yourself. God speed and I hope the killing will stop.

"Victory has a hundred fathers, failure is an orphan”~ JFK