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SEND HIM TO HIS FAMILY WHEN HE DIES AND SAVE YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN FROM UNNECESSARY HUMILIATION, TRAUMA, AND DRAMA
I said—when he dies, and you KNOW that his family can’t stand you, when you KNOW they’ve been waiting for an opportunity to ATTACK you, to HUMILIATE you publicly and in front of your children—ABANDON him.
I am speaking to IGBO WOMEN.
Oyinna Ogbonna Ọsọndị Owendị said, ABANDON him!!!
I am saying this with my full chest, because you are not property, you are not proof of loyalty, and you are not a sacrificial lamb for community theatre.
———
When he dies, don’t go and drink corpse water in the name of culture. Protect your dignity. Let his people handle their son.
You can love a man deeply and still choose not to die for him. Grief is enough. You don’t owe anyone humiliation.
And honestly, let’s be honest — with the way many of them live, it’s not even prophecy, it’s probability. Between the reckless driving, the bottles of Hennessy, the cigarettes, the side chicks, the unprotected sex, and the allergy to hospital check-ups, they are practically speed-running to the grave.
So please, plan your peace.
Because when the inevitable happens, you’ll be the one left crying with one eye and calculating your next move with the other — and that’s okay. That’s called survival instinct.
Nobody will give you a medal for loyalty after they’ve finished shaving your head and handing you a bucket of corpse water.
So when he finally does his grand exit, whisper “Rest in peace, sir,” call the ambulance, send his body home, and log out.
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WHEN HE DIES, ABANDON HIM
We know the statistics.
Men die younger than women.
They live fewer years and live far more recklessly.
They call it “enjoyment” or “good living,” but let’s be honest — many of them are out there driving drunk, chain-smoking, skipping medical checkups, collecting infections from casual sex, and calling all of it masculinity.
So the odds are already stacked: your husband will probably die before you.
And better him than you, because we all know what happens when women die first — half the time, the children end up mistreated by new wives or neglected by fathers who don’t know how to nurture.
So if you already know there’s a high chance he’ll go before you, then the question becomes: how do you protect yourself when that day comes?
⸻
Let’s Be Honest
Most Nigerian women have seen it happen.
A man dies, and his wife becomes the next target.
The family storms in — counting property, spreading rumors, measuring loyalty, accusing her of witchcraft, demanding rituals.
Some of you have husbands who’ve already set you up with their families through gossip and lies.
Some of you live with men who play the victim, who smear you behind your back, who complain that you’re the reason they can’t save money or get ahead.
So when such a man dies, why would you walk straight into the trap his family laid for you?
If your marriage was built on suspicion, smear campaigns, and constant defense — when he dies, abandon him.
Send his body home.
Do not attend the burial.
Do not expose yourself or your children to that circus of cruelty.
You’ve already suffered the loss of a husband.
You don’t owe anyone a performance of mourning just to prove you’re a “good woman.”
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Protect Yourself While You’re Alive
Since we can’t even bring up the subject of wills or insurance without being accused of planning murder, we must find other ways to protect ourselves.
Start with economic protection.
If you’re building, build in your own name.
Let him handle his family projects.
If he wants to impress his people, let him. That’s his legacy, not yours.
If you’re a homemaker, start finding a way — any way — to make money.
Go back to school.
Learn a trade.
Sell something.
Ask for a salary if you’re managing the home full-time.
Dependence is not loyalty; it’s vulnerability.
If you’re already working, stop pouring all your resources into projects that don’t have your name on them.
Don’t build houses on land that’s not yours.
Don’t fund family projects that will one day be used to evict you.
And if you ever contribute to something jointly, keep your proof.
Keep receipts. Keep screenshots. Keep transfers.
You may never need them, but silence backed by evidence is power.
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This Is Not Rebellion
Before anyone starts shouting, let me make it clear.
I am not teaching women to hate men.
I am not teaching women to harm their husbands.
I am saying: stop harming yourself in the name of loyalty.
You do not owe a community your humiliation.
You do not owe your husband’s people your peace of mind.
You do not have to die twice to prove that you loved him once.
Love should not demand that you swallow death water or shave your head in public.
It should not leave you broke, blamed, and abandoned.
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Final Word
If you already know your husband’s family doesn’t like you, take note.
Don’t wait for “tradition” to finish you.
Protect your sanity now.
Make your quiet plans in peace.
And when he dies, if the hostility is clear — abandon him.
Let his people bury him however they please.
You owe no one a ritual of pain.
Because no woman should have to drink death to prove she once loved a man.
——
Me, I’ve said my own.
If you like, go there and be doing good woman. Go and be doing nice woman.
Go and beg to be picked, because that’s what it is.
If you know for a fact that something will bring you pain and drama, and you still continue to do it so that people will not say you’re a bad woman—shit, let me tell you something: drinking corpse water is the worst thing that could happen to a woman.
Why would you drink corpse water?
Did your mother give birth to you to drink corpse water?
Did your children ask you to bring them into this world just to watch your humiliation?
No. Absolutely not.
So stop begging to be picked. There’s no need for that.
You’ve already been picked—by a loser who set you up with his family for a lifetime of trauma.
You dealt with it. He died too soon—for whatever reason.
There is no reason on this earth for you to be humiliated publicly, for you to drink corpse bath water, for your head to be shaved, for your dignity to be trampled while you are drowning in grief.
Nobody deserves that.
You shouldn’t have to deal with that nonsense.
Don’t even expose your children to it.
And if protecting yourself—if staying away from places where you’re likely to be harmed and bullied in front of your children—makes you a “bad woman,” then please, take the title proudly.
Join the rest of us.
We are the bad women. We are the bitter ones. We are the misandrists.
We are the ones who said no to dying for respectability.
Because the fear of being called names is what keeps too many women in graves built while they’re still breathing.
There’s no reason to stay in any situation where a man sets you up with his family in life, and they destroy you in death.
NO.
The only women who should attend such a burial — and only if the husband truly deserves their presence — are women who can afford to hire mobile police or army-grade security to protect their family. Me? God forbid it ever comes to that, I want this man to live as long as he can, but if it’s me, I’m going with the military. If anyone tries anything, I will have armed protection and make sure they face severe consequences.
Inukwa’m mmiri ozu? Eh, say wetin happen?
Una dey mad?
I mean—did any of Jesus’ disciples drink His corpse bath water?
Who is your husbandit’s mother? Who is his father that I should be drinking corpse water?