Because of sexual ‘liberation’, ‘independence’ of the modern woman and people breaking up due to very minor reasons, single mothers have become very common. First, I believe no one should despise single mothers because no one knows exactly what led to their statuses although one night stands with strangers and attempts to trap discerning guys with pregnancies are some of the more common causes of single motherhood.
Personally, I know of several single mothers who are disciplined, hardworking and focused. However, when it comes having a relationship(which might lead to marriage) with single mothers, there are several factors that make men to hesitate.
First, there is the discipline factor: if you marry a single mother with a boy, chances are that whenever you discipline the boy, the mother will claim you’re mistreating him because you never sired him. If you are late in paying the school fees, it’s because, he is not your biological son. Mind you, even if he was your biological son, you still could have been late in paying the fees but the woman will always think that you’re doing all this intentionally because your blood doesn’t flow in his system. You will be forced to be ever careful in dealing with the boy.
Second, if the woman comes with a girl, you are already a ‘potential paedophile’. You will have to learn to be a bit distant to your daughter especially from the age of 13. She is your adopted daughter but you cannot take her to a picnic because, well, you might be ‘tempted’. Granted, these suspicions have been brought up by silly men who defile their daughters but I am sure not many men are exactly keen on being monitored by their wives in regard to how they treat their daughters that they never sired. Perhaps these fears have some bit of truth in that a man is more likely to defile a daughter that he never sired especially if her mother got married to him when the daughter was over 10 years.
Third, unlike in the past when people really broke up for very serious reasons, today people are breaking up due to dubious reasons. For this reason, a single woman with a kid is likely to be in good terms with her Ex. This simply means that if you marry this woman, chances are high that the real father to the kid will always be hovering around. This means in your marriage, there will always be the shadow of this dude wanting to ‘meet his kid’ and ‘have time’ with your wife for ‘old times sake’. You all know what this means. And you will be properly cooked if the dude is more moneyed than you.
Fourth, I truly believe it’s quite unfair for a man to get married to a single mom today and the next thing after the wedding is school fees. No matter how much ‘love’ is there, no one wants to get married today and in one week, he is attending a parents meeting. Ideally, the first expense in regard to kids that a man should incur is maternity fees.
Fourth, if the single mom was really humiliated by the father of her kid, she will carry those scars into the marriage. No matter what, her perceptions of men will be negative. As a husband, expect to deal with emotional scars of your wife that were inflicted by the dude that impregnated and dumped her.
Fifth, it’s an unwritten brutal rule in the dating scene that a woman with kids is less ‘valuable’. Most, likely that woman with a kid used to hang out with really loaded men and wouldn’t have time for ordinary dudes. Of course after getting her kid, her ‘value’ plummeted and she can now listen and fall in ‘love’ with a guy that only a few years earlier, she would not look at him twice. No man wants a woman who falls in ‘love’ with him when her value depreciates.
In summary, there is no problem with single mothers. However, men who want to marry single mothers should be extra careful. I still insist on a golden rule that I always tell my female cousins: If you are a woman, stop having unprotected sex with anyone who is not your husband. If you have a kid out of the wedlock, then you better get your finances in order otherwise in these hard times, very few men will be willing to marry a single mother who is jobless. It’s quite silly for a man to be slaving for kids that he never sired when the real father is enjoying his cold tusker and planning on the next ‘get that college girl pregnant, dump her, move on to the next girl’ mission. It’s even sillier if the woman got paged in college by that moneyed geezer who makes millions from his apartments and then gets married to an ‘ordinary’ guy earning 80k and expect the 80k will bring up the kid sired by an old man with millions in his account. Why should the ordinary guy sweat for the seed of a millionaire?