A ‘problem’ called single mothers

Because of sexual ‘liberation’, ‘independence’ of the modern woman and people breaking up due to very minor reasons, single mothers have become very common. First, I believe no one should despise single mothers because no one knows exactly what led to their statuses although one night stands with strangers and attempts to trap discerning guys with pregnancies are some of the more common causes of single motherhood.

Personally, I know of several single mothers who are disciplined, hardworking and focused. However, when it comes having a relationship(which might lead to marriage) with single mothers, there are several factors that make men to hesitate.

First, there is the discipline factor: if you marry a single mother with a boy, chances are that whenever you discipline the boy, the mother will claim you’re mistreating him because you never sired him. If you are late in paying the school fees, it’s because, he is not your biological son. Mind you, even if he was your biological son, you still could have been late in paying the fees but the woman will always think that you’re doing all this intentionally because your blood doesn’t flow in his system. You will be forced to be ever careful in dealing with the boy.

Second, if the woman comes with a girl, you are already a ‘potential paedophile’. You will have to learn to be a bit distant to your daughter especially from the age of 13. She is your adopted daughter but you cannot take her to a picnic because, well, you might be ‘tempted’. Granted, these suspicions have been brought up by silly men who defile their daughters but I am sure not many men are exactly keen on being monitored by their wives in regard to how they treat their daughters that they never sired. Perhaps these fears have some bit of truth in that a man is more likely to defile a daughter that he never sired especially if her mother got married to him when the daughter was over 10 years.

Third, unlike in the past when people really broke up for very serious reasons, today people are breaking up due to dubious reasons. For this reason, a single woman with a kid is likely to be in good terms with her Ex. This simply means that if you marry this woman, chances are high that the real father to the kid will always be hovering around. This means in your marriage, there will always be the shadow of this dude wanting to ‘meet his kid’ and ‘have time’ with your wife for ‘old times sake’. You all know what this means. And you will be properly cooked if the dude is more moneyed than you.

Fourth, I truly believe it’s quite unfair for a man to get married to a single mom today and the next thing after the wedding is school fees. No matter how much ‘love’ is there, no one wants to get married today and in one week, he is attending a parents meeting. Ideally, the first expense in regard to kids that a man should incur is maternity fees.

Fourth, if the single mom was really humiliated by the father of her kid, she will carry those scars into the marriage. No matter what, her perceptions of men will be negative. As a husband, expect to deal with emotional scars of your wife that were inflicted by the dude that impregnated and dumped her.

Fifth, it’s an unwritten brutal rule in the dating scene that a woman with kids is less ‘valuable’. Most, likely that woman with a kid used to hang out with really loaded men and wouldn’t have time for ordinary dudes. Of course after getting her kid, her ‘value’ plummeted and she can now listen and fall in ‘love’ with a guy that only a few years earlier, she would not look at him twice. No man wants a woman who falls in ‘love’ with him when her value depreciates.

In summary, there is no problem with single mothers. However, men who want to marry single mothers should be extra careful. I still insist on a golden rule that I always tell my female cousins: If you are a woman, stop having unprotected sex with anyone who is not your husband. If you have a kid out of the wedlock, then you better get your finances in order otherwise in these hard times, very few men will be willing to marry a single mother who is jobless. It’s quite silly for a man to be slaving for kids that he never sired when the real father is enjoying his cold tusker and planning on the next ‘get that college girl pregnant, dump her, move on to the next girl’ mission. It’s even sillier if the woman got paged in college by that moneyed geezer who makes millions from his apartments and then gets married to an ‘ordinary’ guy earning 80k and expect the 80k will bring up the kid sired by an old man with millions in his account. Why should the ordinary guy sweat for the seed of a millionaire?


Your articles are only good for starting discussions but you never participate in them. Na ya jana was pure bullshit, when you get called out on it in the comments, you perform a disappearing act. Meh.


I dont have a problem with the feminism game, I will adapt and play along. This is a give and take situation not take take take. So if women want to be so independent, they thy must accept to loose some things that come with dependence.

And anyway, I dont think there is a woman playing the miss independent game that is really faring well. Ni ujanja ya nyani tu ama sauti ya chura.

There is nothing like total freedom, liberation from the family unit is the recipe for disaster.


A well thought article.

point on,I also don’t have a problem with single mums,I have a problem with men who marry single mums.rule number one, when and if you are dating a single mum with a daughter regardless of age,don’t you ever be left alone with the daughter,hata kama unampenda aje,usipeleke yeye out,hosi or anywhere,patia mama pesa afanye hiyo.and to you men who want to date single mums,why are you wasting yourselves,yeye alikula raha wakati wake,jionee huruma epuka balaa.

1 Like

kwani wewe ni ndugu ya @petrenome ama anajiita aje

@fala LA hasha,ni vile I wonder how one can sacrifice his young years(early20s) investing,kujipanga and end up marrying a single mum who got hers at 21

so if omani marries Amina. omanibgets drafted to join kdf. after some time he is sent on a mission to Somalis. by bad luck a bullet or landmine takes his life. would you still claim Amina as a single mum enjoyed herself therefore she should not get married to another man even if then man loves him? i think most of you guys are just quick to judge single mums. if it did not go out well for you or ur friend with a single man then that does not mean that it will be same for other men. every story has a different script.


Single mums need love too, and they give it back three-fold. Trust me :slight_smile:


Hii story ya single mothers vile ni moto ya kuotea mbali mtaongea mara ngapi? If that’s not your thing then walk away from them. Simple!.


Very true Karlmax comes of is the kind who feels he wants to be worshipped of sort , or tries to be really important :confused::confused:

How about you do a piece addressing the role of men in this mess. Those children have fathers who either denied responsibility or gave false hope of marriage. Or it was all a wicked scheme by the mothers.

Half of villagers here have kids with women they are not married to.


He was up to the same antics in Klist and eventually, nobody was commenting on his articles. Atabaki akijiandikia. Which is also fine.

The aspect of generalization of a particular demographic in society is a very lazy way of justifying a stereotype, we have ladies that have no child that are a pain in the arse to be with, they may not be having a kid due to six abortions, would you rather date that one or one who has her own kid and is not afraid to showcase to the rest of the world


A man does not just sire a kid with a lady then anaingia nyasi. But to each his own. Wenye wanataka single mothers, it is a free world.

1 Like

Na kwani huyu njoki chege anachukiwa aje?

@karl marx si wewe hukashiff kila kitu…am yet to see any post you make on a lighter note or any that cannot just include you lashing out and just throwing a tantrum. i admit we have very little to be looking forward to but all these posts you make here kama wewe akili yako hufkiria tu the negative all the time utakufa mapema bure.RELAX!!

Nitasoma hii kesho

…if the single mother is dry fry material then nitakamua… btw most of the hot chicks u see twerking in clubs are single mums… having fun we shall have but kuoa SIEZI… these were the girls who friendzoned u years back… they thought u were below them… they know their value has decreased tremendously so they try to get a guy of equal value… so by u accepting/marrying u’ll have confirmed to her n to urself that u have low value (kuna venye atakudharau subconciously)

…and people should also know that the only way to get rid of this single mother vice is to reject them… i know it sounds cruel but once the young population sees the repurcusions of living a carefree life, they’ll avoid taking that route kabisa and the problem will dissappear… if a mistake is not punished it will be repeated