Wow! My exact philosophy about exes

Great minds think alike…If they are not good enough for your love, they’re not good enough for friendship or even congeniality.

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One lady received a phone call from a guy she had broken up with six months previously saying that he was leaving the country for good, and he wished to say goodbye briefly at a nearby mall. They hadn’t talked for that period, but she felt that she could grant his wish since they were meeting at a public place near her home. So she stepped out without informing her parents. When she got to the mall and called him, he said that he was finishing up something at his house and if she could drop home he would appreciate, alternatively she could wait for him a little longer.

She knew his home. He lived with his wealthy parents in a palatial residence, and there were always workers. She proceeded to his home so that she could get done with the issue quickly and get back to her business.

Unfortunately, that was the last time she was seen alive. The ex-lover’s problems with drugs and mental instability had deteriorated quickly during that period. He was totally unhinged and ended up strangling her to death. Several times, she managed to run away from his house, but the gatemen couldn’t open for her without the bosses permission.

This is the lesson: you may be the kind of person who works on yourself after a breakup. You introspect, look back, and glean lessons. You see what you could have done better, and you incorporate the wisdom from those experiences. You unpack any feelings of anger and resentment. You find peace and regain your joy.

All this is glorious and commendable. The only problem is when you assume that the other person does the same as you. And so when they reach out to you, you have no hard feelings, and you’re not hung up on any wishes for revenge. You’re at peace and less wary and cautious. You imagine that they have also let go of the past like you did.

Your safety is found in not extending your good intentions to everyone. Whatever problems that made you part ways with a person may have become worse, and you’re no longer safe with them. When you close chapters about people, do not reopen them.

You’re not the general manager of the universe such that you’re the only person they can talk to. Let them find support within their social circles. Just like you no longer involve them in your life, neither should they involve you in theirs.

(©️ Benjamin Zulu Global)

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Aki this is So Sad… These Bonobos Should be Encouraged to Seek Therapy.

Avoid love relationships with drug users, is what I would say. You fool yourself to think you can change or control them, coz the truth is they are unhinged, and they can’t control themselves. Some of the mental and emotional damage from drug use takes years to heal, some forever–a person is screwed up for life. Kama mtu ni wa bangi, miraa na hizo maupuzi zingine, run. Usidanganywe it’s harmless.

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There are many psychos out there who are not on drugs, some are married with kids and even good careers and seem to have alot going for them. Afadhali drug addict than them. Either way, Benjamin Zulu is trying to say that, you should avoid your exes like Satan. I agree with him 500% nothing good comes out of picking something you threw in the garbage. It stinks and it’s rotten. No contact all the way. I personally block and delete everything as soon as I am done. 7 billion people in the world what time do I have to keep in touch with exes? I know male psychology, they want to stay in touch so that they can try again that’s why married women sleep with exes. Me and exes is oil and water. Even if we bump into each other, I am never amiable bcz I don’t want them getting ideas. I will make it very clear that you are a stranger to me bcz I want to be left alone. I knew what I was doing when I dumped you. And yes, it’s always me doing the dumping. This guy is a serial killer. Married for 25 years. 2 adult kids. Is an architect. He has killed more than 10 prostitutes by the time of the interview. Drug addicts don’t have the presence of mind to pull this off for over a decade. The most conventional men are the most dangerous.

Life has all sorts of social rejects and disturbed people, I only pointed out drug addicts because of the story of the first woman murdered by the ex.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, so some people imagine that since they’ve healed from the breakup, they might get nostalgic and feel there’s no harm meeting an ex, “as a friend”, but the feeling might not be mutual. There are emotionally unstable people, (those who think they should never be left), who might consider an ex bf or gf an enemy, and harbour plans of revenge if given the chance–to teach you a lesson for causing them grief.

Out of the murders we hear about on the news by exes and estranged bfs and husbands, you rarely hear about them being addicts. Infact to be a serial killer, you must have a presence of mind that addicts lack.

We may say that it’s the drugs but men just don’t take rejection very well even when they are at fault bcz they are socialised to expect women to submit to them. Breaking up with someone is the ultimate sign of dominance. You are showing them that they mean nothing to you and you are better off without them. That can’t be easy on the fragile male ego, it’s worse if it’s coming from a woman who was once at their beck and call and that’s why men go shoot bosses who fire them in countries where owning guns is legal. It’s their way to reassert their dominance. So a woman would be well advised to completely disappear from such a man’s life by blocking him and avoiding him. Bcz these power struggles never end with men. This is why I don’t understand why women keep in touch with exes and even sleep with them. Women don’t understand the kind of danger they are in. These men can destroy their marriages, reputation, and even kill them. They think men are like women who forgive and forget things easily and quickly. Men never forget rejection even after 30 years.

You are looking only at one face of the coin, that it’s men who kill ex-wives and ex-girfriends, reason being the male ego. What do you have to say about women who kill ex boyfriends? What about men who kill ex wives following separation, because of child support and related issues? I doubt it’s just about the male ego, it’s more. The issue of the murder of exes is multi-faceted. There are money issues (in places like US), and the frustrations of the woman getting half of his wealth, or whatever part of it, just because they got kids together. Men feel the game is rigged against them legally when it relates to separation from women, because they don’t see how it’s justified to give money to someone he now has no commitment to, whom he most likely hates.

This is why I say that men are so different from men and should therefore act accordingly with alot of caution and distance. Raising a child requires not just money but time and alot of work. With a few exceptions women don’t see raising their own children as giving undue advantage or being taken advantage of by a man they have separated from. Men on the other hand see providing for their own children as a burden once they are estranged from the child’s mother. Women don’t understand this bcz their love and commitment to their offspring isn’t determined by how they feel about the child’s father.

As such I would advise women to disappear with their children once they feel like the father of their children are not willing to raise their own children. Instead of waiting for the axe to fall, steer clear of the man instead of forcing the father to take up responsibility and faking amicable comparenting. Men do not take up responsibility for their offspring as easily as women do. At times the man still wants to dominate the woman by forcing her to sleep with him if she wants any upkeep from him. Going to court further challenges the man’s dominance and it’s caused many men to kill.

The only thing I can tell women is that they should be very careful who they have children with. Once you have a child with a man and comes a time he wants out of the marriage and his attendant responsibilities, you are in danger. Some women have been killed in marriage so that the man can move on with no baggage. Infact children have been killed in the process. Major Mugure among others. My point is once you become estranged, the man is dangerous until proven otherwise. The woman should forget about being friends and do everything to protect herself and her offspring. No leaving the child alone with him. No going to visit the man. No communication that gives false hope. Most violence happens in the process of breaking up. Distance can help protect life and give time to process difficult emotions to reduce the probability of the situation turning fatal.
Breaking up is hard some people become monsters bcz of it. It’s just wise to keep your exe as far away as possible to avoid becoming collateral damage.

Women and children have been killed following an acrimonious separation, but it’s more of the guy not wanting to support the woman (through whom he has to support the kids if she has custody), than about the kids.
It’s hard to understand those who kill children, (like the Mugure guy), probably because they see them as having been poisoned in thinking by the mother. All the same, I still think that such people are insane in some way when they do it, even when they seem calm and normal. It isn’t normal human behaviour to kill one’s offspring, (just as killing parents), that’s why it’s so shocking.

Kapoti kuna niku strangle nikikuingia mkia.Utapata orgasm msito saidi

Unfortunately the bad ones don’t come with labels. So it’s just wise to err on the side of caution.

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