Due to my very motherly nature people often seek my wise counsel on very delicate issues. For most of the issues I have no real life experience with them but I advise based on my intuition and observations from the people I’ve learned from. For example if a woman is experiencing domestic violence or just neglect or verbal and emotional abuse or no financial support, I always tell them to hold on, things change.
So there’s this guy who was raised by his paternal grandmother with the support , his biological dad and mom were in high school when they had him and she gave up the baby to the dad because she wanted to return to school and her parents did not want to hear their daughter becoming a single mother.
So basically she never saw him since then though they were neighbors in shags like quite near. His mom got married and moved on. When he was getting married she got wind of it and went to look for him where he worked. He refused to see her. She’s constantly been trying to reach out to him over the years and even been wanting to see his kids.
Personally as a Christian which he is too I believe in forgiveness especially for parents and siblings. He himself has a child out of wedlock who he nether supports nor keeps in touch with though his baby mama has other kids and is married. He abandoned or dumped her after an accident when she was in a wheelchair and pregnant, they’d been together for over 10 years. He made ammends later but she had moved on. He’s not been in touch since the child was a baby.
Long story short he’s bitter with his mom and can’t just can’t seem to let go of what happened. He talks about it alot like he’s conflicted but his ego and pain won’t allow him to forgive her. For me I keep insisting that he must mend his relationship with his mom. Growing up I had a very tumultuous relationship with my mom and I know the pain of not getting along with a parent particularly a mother and when our relationship changed for the better it was the most amazing feeling. I want that for him but I understand I can’t claim to be in his shoes bcz none of my parents abandoned me let alone my mom. Your mother is the last person you expect to abandon you.
Either way, he doesn’t have the moral high ground because he has also abandoned his child. Personally I attribute alot of bad things people including myself do to just being in a bad place in life. I don’t attribute it to malice. So I forgive easily, all I do is limit my interactions with the person to protect myself but I don’t alienate them completely especially if they are going out of their way to make a mends.
I know men don’t forgive as easily as women do maybe that is why they die early because of keeping grudges. Namuombea but kusema kweli hii kesi imenishinda. I know the love of children is unconditional even if you are a terrible or negligent parent that’s why I advise women not to be biological single mothers unless there’s absolutely no option instead of killing an innocent child because the child will go looking for the dad and he may be horrible to them and hurt your child irreparably. People never think of the far reaching implications of having relations unprotected when you are not ready for what comes with it.