Women and Cheating

Sex & Relationships
1

Coming from another post about women getting caught cheating.

Just want to give another perspective on female cheating. The why.

Now, when you are a single woman, not in any relationship, you are in a state of equilibrium and homeostasis. Mtu kama mimi I see men like other women. I don’t feel anything when say a man is talking to me about sex, say in the office. He might as well be talking to me about making samosas. I ron really care. Like there’s this guy who ever talks sex Yaani Sijui ni obsession but he can turn anything into something about sex. Like recently I took him some avocado since they were getting spoilt in my house. Jamaa ashanza Kunis how how avocado is an aphrodisiac, akikula he screws the wife until she cries, anga until she comes 5 times. Sijui nani aliachwa bcz his game was wack. Rumor however has it that his wife moved out of the bedroom because he hanyas too much with interns and students but I digress.

Now, when a woman is in a relationship or rather when she is sexually involved with a man, because if a woman is in a relationship but not having sex and the man disappoints her in one way or the other, not necessarily cheating, it does not affect her like if she’s having sex with him. She may love the guy to death, she may even go into depression bcz maybe the guy is cheating on her and she’s crazy about him BUT somehow it won’t occur to her to seek solace via sex with other men.

Now what I see with say married women or women who are involved sexually, not FWBs because that one is not a relationship, it’s just no strings attached sex. Yes. Women do those with hot boys like gym instructors where the women don’t care about the man sleeping with other even 15 women so long as she gets hers and his game is top notch. It’s purely sexual and superficial bcz the women are turned on by his looks meaning his gym body. Footballer thighs which they only see on TV.

I’ve tried to understand this phenomenon but it’s hard small. When a woman is sexually involved with a guy, she becomes very sensitive. Like very small things that never bothered her now start bothering her. I think it’s spiritual because even men in that post were saying they could sense minute changes in their women. You can find a woman who was a virgin until marriage once disappointed by the guy and its not even about cheating, maybe the guy spoke rudely to her or was inconsiderate of her, she will sleep with upto 10 guys in the first year of marriage.

I think kuna vile sex opens up a kind of portal in a woman. Like if the person she’s in relationship with disappoints her, she automatically seeks affirmation and solace maybe revenge or to boost her ego in the arms of other men. It’s therapeutic to sleep with other men. It soothing to her injured ego.

The woman’s defenses against team mafisi is completely down when she’s not happy in her primary sexual relationship. I think women put their men on a very high pedestal such that any small disappointment can be extremely destabilizing and devastating to the woman. It’s almost like their sense of self is transferred to the man. So when the man is amazing then her sense of self is very strong and her self esteem is very high but when she’s disappointed in the guy, it crushes her self worth and sense of self to the extent that she quickly needs another man or men to rebuild it.

I noticed that immediately after the disappointment the woman is really low then after she starts seeing another man, she perks up, becomes upbeat and very confident once more. In psychology there’s something called external frame of reference whereby you gauge yourself or your decisions or your values by an external entity like what happens in cults. Or even in drug addiction. A person who was a very sober doing the unthinkable just to get that high or to please their cult leader. I was reading a post today on Kilimani Moms about how motherhood changes women and majority said, they no longer think of themselves. They go out to buy something for themselves and find something for the baby and buy that instead. Their happiness is based on the baby. To my mind I thought that the same instinct to derive their sense of self from their children, is the same one to derive self esteem and happiness from how your man is treating you or making you feel. So since you can’t give those positive feelings of validation, affection and affirmation to yourself or so you think, you seek it via sex with other men. Same way men seek solace in alcohol when their primary sources of affirmation are disappointing them. I don’t know. I’m trying to psychoanalyse this queer phenomenon.

Disclaimer :Of course it’s not the case for all women but I have seen it in alot of women.

2

Nice analysis!!
Mature Men are more adaptive nowadays and are more occupied with raising their kids and acquire more wealth than waste their lives playing detectives. She can play around but keep it to herself. Ama hawa ni beta males?

3

I kinda get the rationale of what you are saying. The famous French novelist Gustave Flaubert, aptly described this phenomenon in his novel Madame Bovary.

Bovarisme, a condition that was coined and inspired from that novel, describes an all too common form of drudgery and boring marriage life that many women wish to escape from - more so if they settled on a boring husband. Upon reaching this reckoning, they are so marinated in their own delusions to the extent that they place so much expectations on the new lover since he is the panacea to all her marriage problems - albeit temporarily. This is because the other party can only shoulder this responsibility for a while. (Madame Bovary for example was ready to leave her boring husband and teenage daughter in her home country of France, to go and live in the USA with a young man who was half her age.)

Of course, many women will not act on that instinct of seeking thrill and adventure with other men.

4

Even if you’re married you must always remain anchored in the Lord for true happiness and satisfaction. It’s unfair to require your husband to be your all, your oxygen, kila kitu although it’s quite tempting and you might feel very hurt when he doesn’t instinctively read your mind. However, only God can fulfill those deepest yearnings of the soul. Cheating is never the answer.

5

I call it the fairy tale brainwash that begins in childhood. When you read all fairytales a woman or girl is always potrayed as a damsel in distress waiting for her prince charming or white knight in shining armor. Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel, Cinderella, Snow White and Little Red Riding Hood. It may be subconscious but it’s always in the back of the woman’s mind albeit not consciously that happily ever after is in a man. Unfortunately men are human too and often bring even worse problems into a woman’s life than what she had, meanwhile she expects the man to be the beginning of endless, unpunctuated bliss and salvation from the vagaries of life. The expectation vs the actual reality in the ground could easily lead to insanity. In my mind, I see even these post partum depression and Psychosis women suffer are actually the shock of realizing how far the reality is from what you were expecting. It is worse if the man isn’t supportive of the adjustment you as a woman needs to make and coming to terms with the reality on the ground vs the fantasy held since childhood. It is so hard for reality to match the fantasy.

I think you expect honeymoon kind of thing then when you get back to normal life after the novelty wears off, it’s almost unbearable. I hear heroin addicts talk about chasing the dragon. The first high they had which is unattainable in subsequent drug use. Must be why someone who got married as a virgin can bed 10 men in a year. Btw at least 10 partners a year is the UN definition of prostitution. So she’s chasing the dragon, the more of a let down the experience is with the man she has an affair with, the harder she chases the dragon. Hence the high turnover. Very toxic.

6

Hizi ni mingi. Can never understand women. If you try, you will get paralysis by analysis.

You can be the most bodied gym instructor and no woman gives a shit about you. It happens to celebrities all the time. You can be the darkest man and suddenly this beautiful woman just falls for you. She can’t even look at another man.

7

You’ll never understand women by reason. The only reasoning you need is to find a way of “keeping her happy”, and you need zillions of sensors to know how to do that, coz they’re all different, even twins. Count yourself lucky if somehow she remains happy with your blundering about.

8

I can assure you that gym instructors are the happiest men in this country. Starting with Franky just Jimy. On that high note lemme find out what he’s been up to with his lakeside baby momma.

9

No I would not think. I know from experience. Older women are always throwing themselves at gym instructors. They even have kids for them. Many men doing DNA will discover Franky Just Jimit is their kid’s baby daddy.

You are right about quiet guys, actually it’s an open secret among women folk that quiet guys are the baddest in bedmington. And of course if you are having an affair a quiet man is better than mdomo baggy, loud mouth. In campus there was this guy who looked like Shaquille who all the girls wanted. He was very social and outgoing and popular but he never once discussed his conquests and they were many. He was the preferred option for anyone who cared about their reputation. He was spoilt for choice bcz he was discreet. Btw he would date several girls at a time and still remain friends. Quiet guys or rather discreet guys are very popular amongst women.

10

Hata uwe the most alpha of alpha males… it’s just a matter of time before your woman “cheats” on you. I’ve seen this play out so many times it doesn’t surprise me. Monogamy does not work. You try to win an argument against biology then it’s just a question of time before you lose. Snooping around a woman to find out what she’s up to is in my opinion a fools errand. Be attractive in her presence, that’s the best you can ever do. Whatever she gets up to away from your presence should be none of your concern. Najua hii itaumiza the married ones, but the truth hurts.

11

Well put. I think that perfectly sums up the human condition in its essence raw form which is why many societies both primitive and advanced, came up with a set of social codes that if broken, could shame both men and women should they act on some impulses. (Although most patriarchal societies are more predisposed to punish women heavily for the same behavior). For instance, a man who sleeps around might not endure as much humiliation as a woman who gets labelled as a slut. Also, men don’t readily forgive cheating as a woman would.

The fact that a man can easily get away with some discretions in the eyes of his society than a woman ever would, could explain why women have a dramatic behavioral change that many many were talking about.

Could it be the apprehension of not being found out and the potential consequences that goes with it that makes them change so suddenly?

12

Women are probably not as monogamous as we think. If fear of social ostracization and pregnancy is a big deterrent. Remove those and add benefits financially and women may be just as promiscuous as men. As they say if you want monogamy marry a swan this is the Era of polyamory and swinging. I was watching black couples who swing they have a youtu.be channel for black couples to teach them about the swinging lifestyle.