Coming from another post about women getting caught cheating.
Just want to give another perspective on female cheating. The why.
Now, when you are a single woman, not in any relationship, you are in a state of equilibrium and homeostasis. Mtu kama mimi I see men like other women. I don’t feel anything when say a man is talking to me about sex, say in the office. He might as well be talking to me about making samosas. I ron really care. Like there’s this guy who ever talks sex Yaani Sijui ni obsession but he can turn anything into something about sex. Like recently I took him some avocado since they were getting spoilt in my house. Jamaa ashanza Kunis how how avocado is an aphrodisiac, akikula he screws the wife until she cries, anga until she comes 5 times. Sijui nani aliachwa bcz his game was wack. Rumor however has it that his wife moved out of the bedroom because he hanyas too much with interns and students but I digress.
Now, when a woman is in a relationship or rather when she is sexually involved with a man, because if a woman is in a relationship but not having sex and the man disappoints her in one way or the other, not necessarily cheating, it does not affect her like if she’s having sex with him. She may love the guy to death, she may even go into depression bcz maybe the guy is cheating on her and she’s crazy about him BUT somehow it won’t occur to her to seek solace via sex with other men.
Now what I see with say married women or women who are involved sexually, not FWBs because that one is not a relationship, it’s just no strings attached sex. Yes. Women do those with hot boys like gym instructors where the women don’t care about the man sleeping with other even 15 women so long as she gets hers and his game is top notch. It’s purely sexual and superficial bcz the women are turned on by his looks meaning his gym body. Footballer thighs which they only see on TV.
I’ve tried to understand this phenomenon but it’s hard small. When a woman is sexually involved with a guy, she becomes very sensitive. Like very small things that never bothered her now start bothering her. I think it’s spiritual because even men in that post were saying they could sense minute changes in their women. You can find a woman who was a virgin until marriage once disappointed by the guy and its not even about cheating, maybe the guy spoke rudely to her or was inconsiderate of her, she will sleep with upto 10 guys in the first year of marriage.
I think kuna vile sex opens up a kind of portal in a woman. Like if the person she’s in relationship with disappoints her, she automatically seeks affirmation and solace maybe revenge or to boost her ego in the arms of other men. It’s therapeutic to sleep with other men. It soothing to her injured ego.
The woman’s defenses against team mafisi is completely down when she’s not happy in her primary sexual relationship. I think women put their men on a very high pedestal such that any small disappointment can be extremely destabilizing and devastating to the woman. It’s almost like their sense of self is transferred to the man. So when the man is amazing then her sense of self is very strong and her self esteem is very high but when she’s disappointed in the guy, it crushes her self worth and sense of self to the extent that she quickly needs another man or men to rebuild it.
I noticed that immediately after the disappointment the woman is really low then after she starts seeing another man, she perks up, becomes upbeat and very confident once more. In psychology there’s something called external frame of reference whereby you gauge yourself or your decisions or your values by an external entity like what happens in cults. Or even in drug addiction. A person who was a very sober doing the unthinkable just to get that high or to please their cult leader. I was reading a post today on Kilimani Moms about how motherhood changes women and majority said, they no longer think of themselves. They go out to buy something for themselves and find something for the baby and buy that instead. Their happiness is based on the baby. To my mind I thought that the same instinct to derive their sense of self from their children, is the same one to derive self esteem and happiness from how your man is treating you or making you feel. So since you can’t give those positive feelings of validation, affection and affirmation to yourself or so you think, you seek it via sex with other men. Same way men seek solace in alcohol when their primary sources of affirmation are disappointing them. I don’t know. I’m trying to psychoanalyse this queer phenomenon.
Disclaimer :Of course it’s not the case for all women but I have seen it in alot of women.