I’ve been running away from marriage for the better half of my life. I didn’t even know it , until a man I was seeing for years, without advancing the relationship, in exasperation once told me, you, you don’t want to get married. It’s hard not to want something you have been brainwashed from childhood to want. Remember those prince charming fairytales?! Personally, I liked Tintin and snowy,Asterix and Obelix, Bully beef and chips and Enid Blyton story books. Cinderella did nothing for me!
You can hate something subconsciously but you will never admit it consciously because everything around you from childhood tells you the opposite. But somehow I just always knew that I never looked at relationships as a path to marriage and having children. I never talked about getting married and having children with anyone I dated no matter how much I loved them. If I did it was in jest, just to make them happy or get something out of them. Whenever a man told me how he wanted us to have kids I’d say… Nothing!
Well, at least I dated. Some women I know have never dated anyone, never been in a relationship and never had any intimacy with men. They realised that they didn’t want to go into that arena and steered clear of men from the jump. To be honest, I’m torn between being jealous of them and being grateful that I’ve been in love twice in my life, once very madly in love. There’s millions of people who have never been in love, never been in a relationship with someone who they were madly in love with. I’m not sure I’d have traded in the experience for a clean record. It’s contributed to the person I am whom I think very highly of.
Being a first born means you have to be motherly, you don’t have a choice, you are a deputy parent. Upende usipende. But does that automatically translate into you should become a mother? Children gravitate to me naturally as do animals, I have a motherly aura what can I say, I have experience of being a deputy parent since I was a child. Does that translate to I should become a mother especially if I don’t want to deal with men on a permanent basis and my faith demands that children have both parents present in their every day life?
I wanted a pointee kid like nothing else I have ever wanted but I guess Jesus is more important to me than having a mini me junguu. Afterall the Man died for me and I just love sacrificial men. Like I can do anything for a man like that! Feminist or not. Anything including letting go of my dream of having a child with a white man. It was a very difficult choice. Letting go. I hope I’m getting a bigger mansion for my obedience and sacrifice. It took three pastors to get me off that horse. One told me to adopt but I wasn’t looking for just any kid, I was looking for my DNA and that of a white man. Adoption does nothing for me.
I say all this to say, I don’t understand how a man promising you marriage will make you give him USD 140k ,fly him and his daughter to the states among other crazy stories I’m hearing about the homosexual conman Casanova Burale. Probably because I really believe that it’s men who want and need marriage. As a woman I have never needed marriage. Like let me give you my money so that you will marry me! I’ve rejected marriage proposals up to very recently when I decided that I am no longer dating. This was after the Kenyan lady who went to the UK was beaten to death by a Kenyan man she’d met there less than 7 months of her arrival there for work! That was a wake up call and it had me shook.
I couldn’t imagine my poor parents receiving my battered body in a casket because I couldn’t keep off men. At the time I made the decision I had left a certain man and he had been trying to win me back over a year after I’d left the relationship. Luckily he was transferred outside the country for work so he had to let go.
The thing is, I still don’t understand why women are so desperate for marriage. Maybe if I’d have met my dream junguu man I’d have known. I just don’t gerrit. The things men do to women in relationships,in those marriages doesn’t make it appealing. At all. I remember meeting my first bf many years later and he asked if I was married and when I said no , he said, wewe umekataa wanaume! But the truth is, si wanaume nimekataa, ni mashida staki. Staki kupigwa na MTU Hadi nife. Staki kushinda nimelia usiku kucha badala ya kulala. Staki stress.Staki ulcers. Life is hard enough with Ruto, housing levy, high cost of living, growing older , climate change and high unemployment rates. I’m barely surviving! A man and the entitlement, narcissism and toxicity they come with would sink my ship. If I don’t know anything else about myself, I know that! I have enough problems I’m not going out of my way to look for more.
So ladies conned by Burale,abused and used and tormented and tortured by men, a time comes when a woman must grow up and pick a struggle. Either you are struggling for yourself or you will throw yourself under the bus, to struggle for society , the patriarchy and men.
