In my entire dating life I never felt the urge to police movements, calls, messages of anyone.
I mean I was too busy living my own life to have the time to even think that I was being cheated on. In my twenties I was too busy travelling and living in diverse areas that most of the time could not support a long distance relationship.
So basically I didn’t have time for investing my partners whereabouts. I was also in uni either studying or teaching during my weekends. I was fully occupied so I didn’t have time to think about what is happening.
BTW majority of the time I never caught them cheating but they did cheat just that because I was not doing DCI work I hardly ever found out. If I felt unhappy in the relationship I started seeing other people bcz I did not sign up for misery yet I was sacrificing time and energy which I could have invested in other things that were more beneficial to me than an unfulfilling relationship.
Either way, my the devil may care but not me saved me from ulcers and other stress related ailments.
My advice to those who are planning to kill a spouse or someone they are dating if they catch them cheating is, that you are too invested in the relationship instead of on your own life and progress/goals. That is why when you get someone cheating on you it’s the end of the world for you.
Of course it’s painful to be cheated on but I can’t imagine how you are going to kill someone for cheating on you. Even if you are married.
Me if I am not happy with what you are doing, I just tell you a few times and if you keep it up, I will just withdraw slowly it will not be dramatic at all. I will just go mute. No drama. No violence. Nothing. Just the wall of silence.
So please follow my good example bcz these relationships are never that serious. You can have an angel and they die on you, so will you kill yourself? Of course not. So why should you kill yourself or your kids or your spouse/gf/bf because they left or they cheated on you?
In this world you are all alone. You are an individual and there’s nobody you can’t live without. So you concentrate on your own life, your own goals and do not make someone the reason of your living.
If you ask my remaining exes bcz many have died under mysterious circumstances they have nothing but good things to say about me bcz even during breakup I tried to be as civil as possible bcz it’s me who left. I still treated them with respect and dignity even if they were the cause of the break up.
Guys train yourselves to not be very invested in any relationship coz that’s where all this problems start. You don’t have friends outside your person, you withdrew from your family. You abandoned your interests and hobbies. You are not having any individual goals. You stopped having fun, traveling, discovering new music, following current events and basically anything outside of the relationship or marriage.
Guys let’s learn to let go without harming others. If you really love someone you can’t kill them bcz they cheated. If you can’t get past it, leave the matrimonial bed, have your own room or leave the relationship if it’s disrupting your life, health and peace or destabilising you.
When the company you work for doesn’t follow the stipulated contract, you leave or you negotiate and ask for your terms to be met or you leave. You don’t burn down the company. Human relationships are the same. Nobody should ever die bcz one partner feels shortchanged.
Life is short and it can be very sweet so please let not one relationship destroy your life as you languish in jail or kill yourself bcz of a marriage or a relationship.