Who wrote this? LOL

Ni wabaya hivi kweli?

THE NAIROBI MAN…ouuccchhh!

-The Nairobi Man views himself as a cross between King Msawati and Don Juan
de Marco. He expects women to swoon at his feet; to clamour for his
attentions as though his company is the oxygen that keeps them alive. For weeks or months on end he will not communicate with a certain lady but when
suddenly the fancy strikes, he expects the woman to enthusiastically turn up to meet him.

-The Nairobi Man views women as an accessory; ornaments to decorate his life that can be acquired and disposed of with no thought at all.

  • The Nairobi Man is allergic to romance. His idea of a date is a trip to the local where he buys his woman some black ice and nyama choma. Of course there is the added advantage that while they are having this ‘romantic interlude’ his car is being washed. Two birds. One stone.

  • The Nairobi Man makes little effort to express his affection. Valentines Day dinner is at a smoky local bar where the couples are being serenaded by a one-man guitarist. Birthday gifts never stray from the classic ‘fake-gold-chained-bought-in-a-bar-when -drunk’ or the ever popular ’ trinket-picked-out-by-secretary-who-also-had-to- remind-him-of-the-birthday’ .

  • The Nairobi Man thinks nothing of spending 6,000 shillings in a single day on beer and nyama choma yet he fights tooth and nail against paying 10,000 shillings as child support for one of his many children born out of wedlock.

-The Nairobi Man denies paternity even when the child is the spitting image of him. He re-writes history; suddenly describing the woman whom he so publicly swore undying love for as a whore who slept around on him; and all because she is now carrying his child in her womb.

-The Nairobi Man wants a woman who is modern and independent when it comes
to chipping in on paying the bills but traditionally demure in how she
treats him. He expects a mistress of the Kamasutra who has somehow remained a virgin until she met him. He expects to be treated like a King without feeling any need to treat his woman as a Queen. He thinks nothing of coming home at 4 in the morning after switching off his phone all day, but when his woman comes home later than 8pm he acts as though she has killed the Pope.

  • The Nairobi Man will do anything for his football team. He follows them around the country, watching every home and away game(AHEM…some of us start dropping off here). Yet he is always busy whenever his woman asks him to take her car to the garage for her. He never seems to have time to get around to fixing
    that leaky tap; yet he has time to watch all 19 English Premier League games
    on the weekend. Not forgetting the Kenyan league, Formula One and the
    Rugby.

-The Nairobi Man is all about his boys. They are the security council with veto
powers over every aspect of his relationships. They determine how much time he spends with his woman, and where. The mob mentality makes the Nairobi Man treat his woman like dirt under the impression that all his boys do the same. Yet his boys are merely talking tough; but he doesnt know this.

  • The Nairobi Man wants to be put on a pedestal but to treat others like they are from the gutter. He is loud and abrasive; he belittles those who are not of the same ‘class’ or educational background (sounds like some people in some of this forums)as him. The Nairobi Man judges the worth of others by reference to where
    they went to school, where they live or what they drive. He cares not how utterly devoid of personality or intelligence the woman on his arm is, so long as she is beautiful and unquestioning.

  • In his mind’s eye; the Nairobi Man has the intellect of Einstein, the wisdom of Plato. He is an authority on each and every subject under the sun. The Nairobi Man turns even the simplest discussion into a furious argument; he is never wrong. He must always get his way(ahem…). He is often heard shouting in the bar; authoritatively stating his opinions as fact on subjects as diverse as sports, international relations, law and economics.

  • The Nairobi Man lives an imagined life; an image of himself that he projects to the World and maintains at all costs. He dresses in expensive suits that have been bought on credit. He drives a fancy car whose loan repayments are driving him to the brink of bankruptcy. He wines and dines his many lovers in expensive restaurants yet he is three months behind on the rent and his children have been kicked out of school due to unpaid fees. The Nairobi Man has no assets to show for his salary; only numerous debts and receipts from restaurants and lodgings.

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I am 26 year old nairobi man earning ksh390,000per month living in the surburbs with no wife or baby mama

That writer… 40% truths, 10% sweeps; 50% regrets of being always attracted to, and doomed for life to never get anything better than the Nairobi man.