What would you advise

I need some sobber minds here.
As a junior elder in my area, am oftentimes called upon to mediate all manner of skirmishes and misunderstanding. Many are easy while some are so complex, times I need several monks wisdom to cut it.
This here is one that I have no idea how to adjudicate.
It’s rather simple … boy girl. Both in their early thirties. Both previously married, the guy had a come we stay marriage, while the girl had a wedded marriage. They both have kids.
Boy meets girl, boy asks for and gets. Then down the road they both fall hopelessly in love. They get engaged and the girl Semi_moves in with guy coz the kids are both in boarding school.
They are very keen to live together as man and wife. But…the girl has not legally divorced her former husband. Meaning, she is still legaly married .
For the four years they have been together, the guy has been asking her to file for divorce but the girls always brings excuses… saying that the previous marriage is over and that the marriage certificate is just a piece of paper… The latest being that a divorce is an expensive thing. This issue has been a thorn in their otherwise happy lives .
So last Wednesday, the guy , in his cups, called off the engagement. This kicked off a storm from the girl that attracted half my church and ebbed at my door. Am to give directions Kesho after church.
I honestly don’t know what to do. I actually do, but I don’t. Am contemplating running off to Nbi this weekend to avoid the couple that know waits upon my Solomonic wisdom.
Friends, what would you advise the guy… or the girl.


There is no crisis here worth your participation unless your village is Pettyville On Mucheneneko.

The guy is right. Girl should go back to her husband.

the issue is the girl filing a divorce which she doesn’t want…get the bottom line of that and resolve the dispute

Guy - understand reason for calling off the engagement, explain to lady, and carry on. No need of going back. Huyo bibi si wakuoa, the first husband may bring problem…consideri kids are involved.
Girl - love ends. Aelewe na ajipange…mbona alikataa proper divorce!

However, I know nothing.

Huyu kunguru is not ready to commit, anachezea huyo jamaa, there are several red flags
[li]not borne him any kids[/li][li]not ready to officially terminate previous marriage[/li][li]4 years engagement[/li][li]…[/li][/ul]
So what would happen if any one of them died or had some a serious illness requiring the spouse to act?
Current state is not favourable, akin to building on a road reserve.

You sir, are devoid of wisdom in any shape or form. Your decision to side with @admin during the #FERKADMIN revolution just because you had been elevated to a “hekaya master” level was devoid of intellect. Not to mention you lost the fight and subsequently got dethroned. So much for that Solomonic wisdom.

no divorve no commitment, hapa nko nyuma ya mboy shild


Toka hapa!!! Elders and masters are busy saving marriages, don’t you know meffi ya kale hainuki

Agreed. Now discuss the above topic
please sir

She certainly keeping her options open and leaving the guy on a pedestal, previous marriages not withstanding. Wrong. What is the official hubby’s opinion in all these, why would’nt he call it a day himself?

Bottom line, she’s still someone’s wife.
She can’t be married to 2 men. That would be illegal.
Since it’s a Christian setting, she can only return to her hubby or stay separated - not divorced (according to Pauline text).

In had a sit down with them, individually and together. The guy , rightly says HE WONT BE A SECOND HUSBAND. The girl contends that there is no hurry to get a divorce, that they use what they have to better their lives rather than waste it in court. A valid point too. But the guy asks, what will happen ten in years time, if she still won’t be divorced. Girl says to cross bridge when they come to it. Btw, previous husband of girl is already married and settled. Boy says a man can have many wives, but woman ply one husband.
Hii ngumu saidi

Get to the other side of the girl’s husband and ask him why he never filed(s) for divorce on his side, what/how does it benefit him or what’s keeping him from doing it. There, you have your answer.

Ambia huyo jamaa to grow a pair. He is starting on a wrong footing. Hii si kitu ya kupeleka kwa wazee na hata hamujaoana.

Kwani divorce huwa ngapi if the 2 parties are willing to let go of the marriage?

boss we ni talker na ni church elder kweli church ni biz tu.

Dame AKWENDE!!! M2Quandom hebu kuja uambie hawa watu. Wapee thesis of the only thing you know of.

Ndio nashindwa. If it’s mutual na hakuna issues with property and custody, it’s pretty straightforward to get a legal divorce. Kuna kitu huyo mwanamke hasemi. Boy child akae ngumu. She should shape up or ship out.

She propably wants to still be legally married to the first husband for financial reasons. Huyo ndio wanawake hutokea funerals kighafla with a marriage certificate laying her claim on the deceased estates.

There’s a positive angle to all this lakini. He’s basically getting a free wife he doesn’t have to be legally responsible for. If the marriage lasts itakuwa sawa. If he ever tires of her, he can chase her away and she can’t claim anything in court because she belongs to someone else. Mwenye atapata the short end of the stick ni the former husband; he’s still responsible for her na ana-cohabit na ndume ingine.

Edit: Unless he has bought property with her, in which case he’ll be screwed. Former husband yake atakuwa na claim kwa mali yao (I think).