What was your school's student self-imposed rule?

Pale high school, we had a certain kambodian guy. He joined our school in form 3 and he was one class ahead of me. Now this guy, let me call him Mutiso, had a deep and funny kamba accent. Being in form 3, and with the KCSE beckoning in the coming year, he had to work hard. Therefore, like other hardworking form 3’s and form 4’s, he would extend his evening preps ndio ikifika time ya kulala wanakuta majunior wameshapiga kelele wakalala. Our school program was that the evening preps would end at 9.30pm and all dormitories’ light were to be put off by 10. This would help in enhancing the security coz only the security and classroom lights would remain on hence limiting fishy activities in the dorms. Sasa Mutiso would come at 10.30 and in case he found anything missing, he would ensure that his arrival was noticed. He would shout something like – “ile nguma nyoko imechukua shati yangu kwa kamba ngesho utaamka ukilokota makalatasi. Utayua mi ni Mkamba wa Ngitui.” On another day he would shout – “ile muyinga imechukua mbaket yangu hapa nakupatia ndakika tatu kama hautaki kukosa usingisi. Na kama munaona ninawatisha, leo naacha noti ya mia tano hapa yuu ya pox yangu. Kama unataka kuyua mbona kuku hakoyoi njalimbu kuchukua.” This made us fear and respect this guy in equal measure.

FFWD.

Even though Mine_rva was a form 2 boy, he was liked by every student for I was the sole supplier of mitumba trousers that had some pockets kama za jeans and were wider at the bottom, and sports t-shirts kama zile za akina Ja Rule, Fat Joe, G-Unit, na ma-etc. Those were the in-thing them days and I would make a kill from selling them. My supplier was a certain 30-something year-o woman who had ‘hanged her ikus’ from the oldest profession – upoko. Thank God she is now a millionaire importing bales of mitush from UK, she helped me enjoy life pale highskul. While other guys concentrated on smalltime businesses kama kuuza bika na mandazi, my business had 100% profits guaranteed and I would clear my stock of about 50 pairs of trousers in just 2 weeks. The woman being a neighbor, would sell them to me on credit at 150 and I would resell at 300 and pay her tukifukuziwa schoolfees coz it was a norm to be sent back home after 1 month (hatukuwa na m-pesa hizo days). To ensure the safety of my money, I would deposit them at the canteen and the canteen woman would enjoy my interest-free ‘loan.’

Now with all my money, there was one thing that I was lacking. In our school, the measure of manhood was the ability to get one beautiful girl during the sports, drama and music festivals. Tulikuwa tunaiita ‘kuanua manzi’ and it was so highly-regarded that if a mono succeed in it, he would automatically start eating in the ‘eating in the same table with the elders.” Given that ours was the biggest school in the county, it was always a guarantee that one of the five main annual events (term one ball games, term two ball games, athletics, music and drama) in high school calendar would be hosted in it either at zonal, provincial or national levels. So, on such occasions, we would wear our sharpest trousers (supplied by none other than Mine_rva), and try to hook up the crème de la crème of girls. Mimi ni wale tulikuwa shy sana them days, so with the confirmation that the national drama festivals would be hosted in our school in term 2, I knew that I had to do something to prove a point.

Most guys will attest how mtu alikuwa anacram mistari ya kukatia dem na kufanya practice ndio ajipatie confidence but akipatana na dem anasahau kila kitu. Mimi na my close buddy, Jimmy decided that we must consult Mutiso. We told him that we wanted to prove that hizo vitisho zake baridi were indeed true. He obliged. He told us that shule zikifungwa, he would take us to the heart of Kitui, the home of kamuti. So, siku ya closing ilipofika, we went straight to a remote village with scattered shrubs to meet the doctor herselufu. She was an old woman and she started telling us vile alituona jana kwa ndoto tukikuja na mabla bla mingi zingine. We told her our issue and she would giggle as she yelled some words that none of us understood. She later gave us some bathing water and told us to leave and wait for results.

True to her words, siku mbili hazikupita, nilikuwa jam session pale Coco Savannah (wasee wa Naxvegas can relate). Maze nilikwachua dem mhot that first Sunday na akakubali kukamuliwa that very first day. She was also a form student pale Shiners’ Girls. A short, brown-skin girl na nyonyo zilikuwa zimepoint kama compass. Since we were under age, climbano had to take place kwa keja ya jamaa flani alikuwa anapea students room yake for a fee. Watu walijua kutafuta pesa zamani. So kufikisha dem kejani tu hivi, kissing moto moto zikafuata, nguo zikateremshwa na mjuols ikaslide kama nyoka pangoni! Although dem hakuwa vajo, ile dry spell alikuwa nayo ilikuwa imefanya ikus kuwa tight na warm kama oven. It took me like 3 minutes kumwaga first shot even after trying to hold. The subsequent ones took a bit longer but were equally sweet. Nilikamua vitu from kitu 3 to 6.30 na akapromise atanitafuta the next Sunday coz the village threshold ilifikishwa mara kadhaa.

Several weeks later, during the drama festivals, nikaangukia a certain Nubian girl alikuwa anaitwa Hawa. To prove that hii kamuti ya Kitui ilikuwa strong, Hawa was from our girl school and being from Nairobi, they had to pass right in front of our gate. Nakwambia hiyo August holiday, dem na friends wake walishuka kwa mat eti wanataka twende na gari moja. Every guy was surprised how a form 2 boy was able to pull off such a stunt with a form 3 girl mwenye alikuwa ameshinda wengi kukatia. That was the talking point for several weeks after schools re-opened. Mimi nilkamua Hawa mara kadha wa kadha ila siri ya success yangu ni Jimmy na Mutiso pekee ndio walikuwa wanajua.

Hiyo dawa iliisha nguvu with time and I never went for recharge coz my confidence levels were higher than before and I now knew how to talk to girls. To this day, I have never done such stuff that involve uchawi but I can attest that ukikosana na Mkamba na uskie anaenda nyumbani, my friend enda ukakeshe kwa church mpaka arudi.

And you had to post this uchawi thread on a Sunday…ngoja mass ya kwanza iishe. Waje wakukemee…
On thing though,drama festivals,are they held during term two or term one?

Term two ni music.

mkamba akitisha wewe na uchawi kata yeye hapo hapo damu imwagike hataweza kuroga wewe kama umemwaga yeye damu

hii ni hate sfeesh

ni classified information nimewapatia

The lowest things a man can do is to purchase flesh and use such things to attract girls

Trao 50 ulikuwa unaingia aje nazo chuo?

the canteen woman was a very good friend, she could sneak them in, bit by bit. yeye ndiye alikuwa storekeeper na bank yangu

them days we were naive. I actually believe that a man who buys lanyes needs deliverance

have you tried it?

tulisoma kitambo so siwezi kumbuka poa

nilisoma kitambo. sigwesi kumbuka every detail

Purchasing flesh ni sawa ata Samson alifanya hivyo lakini witchcraft hapana

boss, we were in form 2. at that age most people act of the peer pressure to impress others. most of the school strikes and fires husababishwa na form 2’s

Hekaya timamu hii…big up! Kwanza apo kwa coco savannah i can relate