What red flags to look out for to avoid kunguru wa kupiga kambi kwako?

[rayoo]

@Binge

Shit like so happened to me not too long ago. A lanye nilisukumiwa number aliniuliza to host her for a week. Ati she didn’t have anywhere to go after her cousin disappeared bila kulipa rent nyumba ikafungwa. I offered her a place only for the weekend nikijua siezi mischa kejani on Monday. But hiyo Monday hakuwa na haraka ya kuenda place. I noticed anytime she left she’d bring more stuff pole pole. After a week I threw her out. She refused to leave akidai she’s pregnant and doesn’t have a place to go. Ilibadilika kuwa story mrefu long and short of which nilibadilisha number na kuingia boni.

If she’s the drama type prepare for a long fight.

but u succeeded in tossing her out i hope, despite her refusal

[kalifa]

@Binge

Shit like so happened to me not too long ago. A lanye nilisukumiwa number aliniuliza to host her for a week. Ati she didn’t have anywhere to go after her cousin disappeared bila kulipa rent nyumba ikafungwa. I offered her a place only for the weekend nikijua siezi mischa kejani on Monday. But hiyo Monday hakuwa na haraka ya kuenda place. I noticed anytime she left she’d bring more stuff pole pole. After a week I threw her out. She refused to leave akidai she’s pregnant and doesn’t have a place to go. Ilibadilika kuwa story mrefu long and short of which nilibadilisha number na kuingia boni.

If she’s the drama type prepare for a long fight.

How did you get her go leave eventually na slices ulikula? Would have thrown her out aende kwa mwenye alimkula.

[rayoo]

@Zush

Sema hukuwa ready acha lame excuses:D:D:D…if she’s cooking sausages using the microwave just tell her "we don’t do that over here"

ready for what?

[Yuletapeli]

@rayoo

Tangu ninunue pocket pu**y…my mpesa balance iko juu juu tu.

Ala!! Tunakucheki

[kah_tony]

@kalifa

That is true, kuna mwengine nilikuwa na kula for ‘free’. After a month nika add up the cost of pesa ya vitu kidogo I spent on her and it came to 10k

Peasants hujitokeza bila kujua.

[Yuletapeli]

@Bachelor

I recently dodged a targeted bullet from a kunguru who offered herself for “netflix and chill” at my place with the intention of kupiga kambi, probably indefinitely. At first, I thought the gods had finally smiled upon me after a longer-than-usual dry spell. Until I found out she had recently lost her job na amefungiwa nyumba. Nillingia Karura bila kurarua. I learnt a painful lesson a few years back which made me develop an anti-homeless-kunguru defence mechanism.

So this one time, a friend who lived in the neighbourhood called me with a request. His ex was on her way to his house but he wasn’t going to be home until later in the day. Since she was already in the neighbourhood, he requested that I host her until he got home. I happily obliged. Happily because kunguru alikua ameiva mbaya and it had always been my intention to pick a few slices. Kunguru alifika in a cab akatoa a whole gunia (zile za Naivas) of clothes from the boot. I didn’t make anything of it at the time. She wasn’t my problem. Or so I thought.

Nilikaza rasa in the hope that my friend doesn’t show up that night. It paid off. Kunguru alilala kwangu that night nikachukua slices kadhaa. What I didn’t know at the time was nilikua nimecheswo! One night turned into two, and two nights quickly turned into a week. Jamaa alikua ameingia Karura. By the time alichomoka from his Karura hideout, kunguru had already made herself at home kwangu. Alikua anaosha hadi nguo na kupika. Slices nilikua napewa on the daily. At times I actually didn’t mind the idea of her being around.

My boy would later confess to me that it was a con the whole time. He knew she was homeless at the time and that I would easily take the bait given her looks. Now that I had taken slices, she was my problem, not his. We laughed it off. Kunguru alikaa kwangu a whole month until I had to devise a way of getting rid of her. I tell you getting rid of a kunguru, especially one that brings the kind of value she was bringing, is no joke. Being an asshole and kicking her out wasn’t an option. So ilibidi nimescript kipindi.

How do you guys go about avoiding such situationships? Besides getting hold of insider information about her financial situation, are there any red flags you look out for?

…hapa uliponea kaka.

[Falafulani]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8Rxb-9snJQ

[Azor_Ahai]

@Binge

Shit like so happened to me not too long ago. A lanye nilisukumiwa number aliniuliza to host her for a week. Ati she didn’t have anywhere to go after her cousin disappeared bila kulipa rent nyumba ikafungwa. I offered her a place only for the weekend nikijua siezi mischa kejani on Monday. But hiyo Monday hakuwa na haraka ya kuenda place. I noticed anytime she left she’d bring more stuff pole pole. After a week I threw her out. She refused to leave akidai she’s pregnant and doesn’t have a place to go. Ilibadilika kuwa story mrefu long and short of which nilibadilisha number na kuingia boni.

If she’s the drama type prepare for a long fight.

You must be a garbage collector. Why would you invite a lanye to live in your house under whatever circumstance??

[Binge]

@Azor Ahai

You must be a garbage collector. Why would you invite a lanye to live in your house under whatever circumstance??

Despite my own misgivings, finer counsel and a hardened exterior, I still have a bit of empathy and humanity in me. While she said she needed a week, I told her and I thought I was clear, she could only stay for the weekend. Besides small head can convince you the quid pro quo of free slices for a weekend isn’t too bad consideration. Lastly, she hadn’t displayed any “red flags” of being a psycho.

But all said and done, nilikaa macho. When wiki ilifika she just had to go. The red flags were now all there.

[Netgranny]

@Bachelor

I recently dodged a targeted bullet from a kunguru who offered herself for “netflix and chill” at my place with the intention of kupiga kambi, probably indefinitely. At first, I thought the gods had finally smiled upon me after a longer-than-usual dry spell. Until I found out she had recently lost her job na amefungiwa nyumba. Nillingia Karura bila kurarua. I learnt a painful lesson a few years back which made me develop an anti-homeless-kunguru defence mechanism.

So this one time, a friend who lived in the neighbourhood called me with a request. His ex was on her way to his house but he wasn’t going to be home until later in the day. Since she was already in the neighbourhood, he requested that I host her until he got home. I happily obliged. Happily because kunguru alikua ameiva mbaya and it had always been my intention to pick a few slices. Kunguru alifika in a cab akatoa a whole gunia (zile za Naivas) of clothes from the boot. I didn’t make anything of it at the time. She wasn’t my problem. Or so I thought.

Nilikaza rasa in the hope that my friend doesn’t show up that night. It paid off. Kunguru alilala kwangu that night nikachukua slices kadhaa. What I didn’t know at the time was nilikua nimecheswo! One night turned into two, and two nights quickly turned into a week. Jamaa alikua ameingia Karura. By the time alichomoka from his Karura hideout, kunguru had already made herself at home kwangu. Alikua anaosha hadi nguo na kupika. Slices nilikua napewa on the daily. At times I actually didn’t mind the idea of her being around.

My boy would later confess to me that it was a con the whole time. He knew she was homeless at the time and that I would easily take the bait given her looks. Now that I had taken slices, she was my problem, not his. We laughed it off. Kunguru alikaa kwangu a whole month until I had to devise a way of getting rid of her. I tell you getting rid of a kunguru, especially one that brings the kind of value she was bringing, is no joke. Being an asshole and kicking her out wasn’t an option. So ilibidi nimescript kipindi.

How do you guys go about avoiding such situationships? Besides getting hold of insider information about her financial situation, are there any red flags you look out for?

Ghaseer malizia hekaya.

[uwesmake]

:D:D:D

[kryptony]

Elders you are now confusing young men. On one hand mnasema nyumba haulipi rent haufai kulala, kisha kuleta kunguru mancave ni risky move juu anaezakwama. Is how i acquired a 20 year old baby mama. Story for another day. Nowadays me huprefer kuchapa vitu kwake ndio akianza upuzi i just up and leave. Acha kunguru kwa mataa and take the shortest route to Mau

[PERDITION]

@Binge

Shit like so happened to me not too long ago. A lanye nilisukumiwa number aliniuliza to host her for a week. Ati she didn’t have anywhere to go after her cousin disappeared bila kulipa rent nyumba ikafungwa. I offered her a place only for the weekend nikijua siezi mischa kejani on Monday. But hiyo Monday hakuwa na haraka ya kuenda place. I noticed anytime she left she’d bring more stuff pole pole. After a week I threw her out. She refused to leave akidai she’s pregnant and doesn’t have a place to go. Ilibadilika kuwa story mrefu long and short of which nilibadilisha number na kuingia boni.

If she’s the drama type prepare for a long fight.

Ulikua unakula lanye raw mpaka akaota ako pregnant?:D:D huwa mnatafuta ukimwi kila mahali ghaseer

[King_Robert_Baratheo]

@Falafulani

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8Rxb-9snJQ

One of many films where Scientology Jesus displays his Napoleon complex. Well at least he does his own stunts.

[tyler123]

A bunch of sissies here. Whats so hard about telling somebody to leave your house yenye halipi rent?

[Jaweed]

@Bachelor

I recently dodged a targeted bullet from a kunguru who offered herself for “netflix and chill” at my place with the intention of kupiga kambi, probably indefinitely. At first, I thought the gods had finally smiled upon me after a longer-than-usual dry spell. Until I found out she had recently lost her job na amefungiwa nyumba. Nillingia Karura bila kurarua. I learnt a painful lesson a few years back which made me develop an anti-homeless-kunguru defence mechanism.

So this one time, a friend who lived in the neighbourhood called me with a request. His ex was on her way to his house but he wasn’t going to be home until later in the day. Since she was already in the neighbourhood, he requested that I host her until he got home. I happily obliged. Happily because kunguru alikua ameiva mbaya and it had always been my intention to pick a few slices. Kunguru alifika in a cab akatoa a whole gunia (zile za Naivas) of clothes from the boot. I didn’t make anything of it at the time. She wasn’t my problem. Or so I thought.

Nilikaza rasa in the hope that my friend doesn’t show up that night. It paid off. Kunguru alilala kwangu that night nikachukua slices kadhaa. What I didn’t know at the time was nilikua nimecheswo! One night turned into two, and two nights quickly turned into a week. Jamaa alikua ameingia Karura. By the time alichomoka from his Karura hideout, kunguru had already made herself at home kwangu. Alikua anaosha hadi nguo na kupika. Slices nilikua napewa on the daily. At times I actually didn’t mind the idea of her being around.

My boy would later confess to me that it was a con the whole time. He knew she was homeless at the time and that I would easily take the bait given her looks. Now that I had taken slices, she was my problem, not his. We laughed it off. Kunguru alikaa kwangu a whole month until I had to devise a way of getting rid of her. I tell you getting rid of a kunguru, especially one that brings the kind of value she was bringing, is no joke. Being an asshole and kicking her out wasn’t an option. So ilibidi nimescript kipindi.

How do you guys go about avoiding such situationships? Besides getting hold of insider information about her financial situation, are there any red flags you look out for?

Kunguru hafugwi, next time jaribu kumalizana lodging

[dingoo_wa_ingoo]

@rayoo

ready for what?

Ready to support anyone, let alone yourself. He was trying to be polite:D:D.

@Binge

Despite my own misgivings, finer counsel and a hardened exterior, I still have a bit of empathy and humanity in me.

Bullshit. You are a scavenger.

@kryptony

Elders you are now confusing young men. On one hand mnasema nyumba haulipi rent haufai kulala, kisha kuleta kunguru mancave ni risky move juu anaezakwama. Is how i acquired a 20 year old baby mama. Story for another day. Nowadays me huprefer kuchapa vitu kwake ndio akianza upuzi i just up and leave. Acha kunguru kwa mataa and take the shortest route to Mau

This is what I have heard the forresters of kenyatalk say:-

1. Nyumba ya mwanamke yenye haulipi rent, usijaribu hata kuingia. That is their golden rule.

2. Leta kunguru kwako at your own risk.

3. The safest bet ni kwenda “neutral ground” - that is away from her hometown or neighbourhoood.

[dingoo_wa_ingoo]

@King Robert Baratheon

One of many films where Scientology Jesus displays his Napoleon complex. Well at least he does his own stunts.

who? what?

[King_Robert_Baratheo]

@dingoo_wa_ingoo

who? what?

When? Where?

[Jimit]

@dingoo_wa_ingoo

who? what?

T.C. That’s Tom Cruise