what do we know of Christmas

It’s some few days to Christmas and it’s only fair that we remind ourselves the circumstances surrounding the conception and birth of Jesus Christ.
When a woman called Elizabeth was 6 months pregnant, God decided to send angel Gabriel to Nazareth, to a virgin woman called Mary. Mary was the fiancée of a guy called Joseph, a carpenter who was a descendant of David. David, if you have no idea, is the kid who murdered that psychopath called Goliath in cold blood using a sling and a stone. He later became a very great king of Israel.
So angel Gabriel appeared to Mary when she was just leaving for Simon Peter Fish & Chips.
“Greetings, you who is highly favoured. The Lord is wi…why does it smell like weed in here?” asked angel Gabriel, sniffing and crinkling his nose.
“Jerobosheth, son of Zethanikah and Sarachim, descendant of Zohonoah from the tribe of Keth, was smoking by the window,” answered Mary.
“Oh, him! He’s out of rehab?”
“He escaped.”
“I hope to bump into him on my way out. I will need a puff,” said angel Gabriel, looking outside the window.
“Look, I was on my way out, so be quick,” said Mary, one arm akimbo and the other arm held at a 90-degree angle, her handbag dangling from her wrist.
“I was saying that the Lord is with you, Mary.”
Mary started looking around her, fear creeping in.
“Relax, Mary. Don’t be afraid. You have found favour with God.”
Mary flipped her weave and asked, “What do you mean?”
“You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will call him Jesus. I repeat, you are to name him Jesus, and not these other strange names you women are naming your kids these days, like the names of countries.”
Mary shook her head and exclaimed, “What?!”
“So, this kid, Jesus,” went on angel Gabriel. “…will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the descendants of Jacob forever. As in, his kingdom will never end.”
Mary was dazed.
“I don’t mean to brag, but I am a virgin.”
“Yeah, I know that.”
“And I don’t intend to have sex until Joe and I get married.”
“Yes, really. So how is it going to happen? Sounds impossible to me.”
“That’s exactly what I said God.”
Angel Gabriel sighed.
“Well, apparently, the Holy Spirit will come down on you. And then the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I. I asked God to explain but He told me it’s complicated.”
Mary leant against a wall.
“So, in short, you are saying that I am going to have a baby? Just like that?”
“Yup. And even your relative, Elizabeth, is going to have a child in her old age, imagine. No word from God will ever fail. He has already made up his mind.”
Mary seemed cool with the whole idea of getting pregnant with the Holy Spirit. She didn’t freak out or even ask the important questions like, “Is this a Naswa prank?” or “Are you sure you couldn’t find another virgin the whole of Nazareth?” Maybe the other girls were all sluts, who knows? So Mary told angel Gabriel that she was cool with the arrangement and that she didn’t mind at all, especially since she was the servant of the Lord. So angel Gabriel went off to look for Jerobosheth, son of Zethanikah and Sarachim, descendant of Zohonoah from the tribe of Keth. And Mary, since her donkey had broken down, took her camel and rode to Judea to visit Elizabeth, where the foetus in her (Elizabeth’s) womb leapt upon hearing Mary’s greetings (when I was pregnant, my child would leap too, only that it would be said that “the baby kicked”). And then Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and she started saying things.
Then Mary sung a song that is popular and very important in our form 4 C.R.E, that even an exam on it is set. Then she stayed with Elizabeth for about 3 months then went back home.
How will Joseph take the news of Mary’s sudden, unexpected pregnancy?
What will become of their relationship?
Will Mary bombard the world with photos of her baby bump every week on Instagram and Facebook?
Will she seek advice from Nazareth Mums Uncensored?
Find out on the next chapter of The Circumstances Surrounding The Conception And Birth Of Jesus Christ.
(Story (loosely) based on the New Testament, Luke 1:26-56)
Merry Christmas, most esteemed council of the interwebs.

by wanja kavengi


Hehehe… Nimempa like.

I like this version…