Katch rarely had water problems .Occasionally the Water Company would go into an arm wrestle with Kenya Power over unpaid electricity bills. We’d miss water for a week or two. Nothing on the scale of Nairobians. All problems would eventually be solved and a constant supply of water would resume.
One thing they always did – these water guys – was, like clockwork, read your meter every month and provide you with the correct bill.
Along came a company called Spencon (I think), bought the whole water supply outfit from the Govt. They did their audits, fired a bunch of people – one committed suicide…whatever. Our water supply was disrupted for about a month while they laid down these yuuuge pipes and we thought they were gonna make Katch great again. Katch water supply now comes from some alien land, not the Isiukhu River. And it’s amazing because, apparently, half the work is done by gravity.
The first people to be fired were the meter reading minions. So now these moist ass negros just sit in their comfy offices doing nothing but estimating peoples bills based on their previous readings. And I got used to it, you know. If I stayed away for a month I’d still get my water bill… ghosts take that opportunity to use my water supply.
Another problem is that we now have water for only about an hour or two a day or two. If you miss your chance to fill up, well too bad. Sucks to be you. You lost, thanks for playing. Let’s try again in a day or two, shall we?
This month this friend dude of mine got a huge bill. Upped from KES. 300 to KES. 900. I was like “Yo, Friend Dude. This is insane. You have to complain. They’re testing to see if you are a sucker man.”
I got my bill the very next day. It had magically risen from around KES. 400 to KES. 1,900. I went to Water Office the following day. I met this dude there.
“This can’t be right. I don’t even spend much time here. Unless I started a car wash business or I now give elephants baths there’s no way I’d use this much water. Even if I left the taps running non-stop it would not get to this because the taps are dry ninety per cent of the time!” I said.
The dude was like: “Hey, don’t even worry about it. Mistakes happen. We’ll send someone right over to read your meter. We’ll get you a new bill. Would you like some tea?”
That went well. I had a speech prepared and all but OK. It’s all good.
Three days later I got a new bill: KES. 3,163. MOTHERF…!
So I call up my friend.
“Hey, did you complain about your bill? Did you get it fixed?”
“Yea I did. They raised it to 1,400. Thanks for pushing me to complain, you whiny bastard.”
I feel like this company is now molesting me… touching me in places that make me feel uncomfortable. I still haven’t paid my bill. Am waiting for them to disconnect my supply. I’ll survive on nothing but dew, sugarcane and my intestinal fortitude.