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A beautiful young woman send me some messages about her experiences and asked that I should share with you all anonymously:
From my inbox
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In 2022, I just trying to start up my career, my aunty introduced me to this 47 years old man who is based in Atlanta, Georgia. He got my number from her and called me and we talked briefly. All of a sudden, he started calling me everyday like 6 to 10 times a day even while I am at work. He said he is so much invested and in love with me. 2 days after we talked, he sent me 1000 dollars. He was so careful with the way he talked, he listened to me, he was caring even from the distance, he always mentioned I was his ideal woman. He told me women my age make the best wives. I asked him why his first marriage collapsed, he mentioned his ex wife was influenced by bad friends, was bad to him, didn’t respect him. He even told me she cheated on him. I felt sorry for him. 2 months into our talking he told me, he wants to marry me. I told him I cannot do distant marriage, he told me not to worry that he will bring me to the U.S using student visa that marriage visa will take some time. I wasn’t sure yet. He started sending me schools to apply like University of West Georgia, Georgia State University, which after much persuasions that he means well and wants to add to my life. I considered it. I applied and got admission for Masters in Public Health. He was already planning to visit me in Nigeria. So he visited after I got the school admission, I received my I-20 when he was in Nigeria. The week he landed in Nigeria, he proposed to me in a very fairytale way, he took me to his family. He was so soft-spoken, wanted me to excel and so sweet with words. He came to see my parents, my parents hesitated at first but I was already in Iove with him and begged them to accept if they wanted my happiness, so I thought. He did my introduction, and mention he Will travel back to America because of his business and come back in 2 months time for the marriage. He was already given marriage lists. I was here in Nigeria arranging to get a visa interview date for my F-1 Visa in order to join him in America after the marriage. My parents gave him a condition that even if my visa is approved, I will only join him in America after my marriage rites have been completed, he accepted.
I went for my visa interview but it was rejected so when I told him, he felt disappointed, and was like I have to try again. By this time, he was supposed to come to Nigeria to complete the marriage rites as he agreed with my parents. All of a sudden, he shifted the marriage date that I need to get my student visa and enter America, my parents were like he gave his word he will come at a particular date and he just Changes his date without consulting them, mentioning I have to get my student visa but I begged my parents to understand that he will still come. After much persuasions my parents listened, but with grudges because their hearts never fully accepted him from the onset. Then he agreed with my parent on a new date thinking I was going to get an earlier interview date for my 2nd visa attempt but I got a later date. He failed to come again at the date he agreed with my parents, mentioning, I still need to get my visa.
My parents were like he is not a man of his words. I went for my 2nd visa interview and it was denied again. His attitude changed, he started becoming inconsistent in calls, messages. I thought he was only angry about the situation, I didn’t know he was serious. He became more and more distant, when I try to talk to him, he dismisses me, sometimes he gives attention, sometimes he withdraws. He failed his promise again for the third time he agreed to come to Nigeria to complete the rites. My parents were already tired but I kept on covering him up, thinking he will change. He said it’s because my visa was refused 2 times that’s why he is treating like that as if I caused the visa denials. He started telling me I am delaying his life by not passing a visa interview. I did my best at the visa interviews, I even prepared well, did many mock interviews on paid platforms. He started making me feel inadequate and less. He then told me the success of my relationship are now in my hands. He really tortured me emotionally. Sometimes he will go a week without talking to me, he will dismiss and ignore my calls and always claim he is busy. He would threaten me that if I don’t get visa, no marriage. I was so naive then and hopelessly in love with him so I decided I will try again, maybe change school and get a bigger scholarship. He would threaten me his exes are still interested in him that a lot of women wants him, that I can’t even pass a visa interview that if I don’t do fast, I will regret. When I reported his attitude to my Aunty that introduced me to him, she supported him but I am not Understanding, and submissive that he is just going through a phase, I should pray to Male my relationship work that a lot of women are after him.
It felt like a dream, this is the same man that worshipped the ground I walked on. Despite how I was traumatised, I was able to secure admission into a new school and get some good scholarship, my father got a stroke so I was so heartbroken that I paused on the travel process so I could be at the hospital with my mum with him after work. I told my ex my dad had a stroke, he didn’t even show concern, he told me is that why I paused the travel process that I am not serious, that I am wasting his time. He couldn’t even say sorry or call my family to know how my dad was doing. My Dad later died at the hospital, I was so traumatized despite how we tried our best to make sure he received every care and treatment he needed even when she started showing signs of improvement and I was arranging a physiotherapist that would be coming home to help me move again as my dad was to be discharged from hospital the next week but he died at the midst of his improvement. I told my ex my died had died in tears, he only said sorry, I will talk to you later, he never ever called my mum or any member of my family to give any condolence message till my dad was buried. I called my ex in the midst of the burial planning and asked him, what have I ever done to you? Where have I wronged you to be so much neglected? He answered me I didn’t do anything and have never wronged him then he broke the news that he is in another relationship that has been in the relationship for months now. He said he didn’t know how to tell me that the person has always been there just that they were off and on and he was just using me to heal that life happens I should get over it and move on.
I died on the phone, I just lost my precious dad, he didn’t care and he is telling me this. I grieved and asked what I did to deserve this?
I was able to bury my dad. The pains of his death, I have not gotten over but I have gotten over that useless relationship and blocked him and all his family members. I learnt my lessons. I thank God I learnt early. I am now focused on my self and adding value to my life and loving my mother and siblings and genuine family. I have learnt a lot of lessons.I didn’t die of the heartbreak and God has given me another chance to focus on me. I know that self love is very important. I only miss my father.
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Despite how traumatized I was, I was able to get another school admission and a good scholarship. Along the line my father had a stroke so I paused my travel to America process and focused on being at the hospital with my dad and work together with my mother to take care of him after work hours. I told him my dad had a stroke, he was only angry at why I paused my travel abroad process. He told me after I get my visa I will have to travel and come and live with him firsr before he completes the marriage rites that I should inform my parents. I told him this is not the good time to talk about this that my dad is ill, he hung up. I told him I had to pause that I can do that when my dad gets back well. My ex refused to call my family to even know how dad is doing. My dad started recovering and was to be discharged from the hospital the next week. I arranged a physiotherapist that would be coming to the house to help me use his left hand and leg again because the stroke only affected that area. That week we were to be discharged my dad died. I was broken and shattered. I called my ex to inform him my dad had died, he just Said sorry. He never ever called my family to give condolences or even send a condolence message. While my dad’s burial preparation, I got so angry and called my ex was asked him what I did to deserve all these humiliation and neglect? He broke the ice that all these while he has been in a new relationship and the lady has always been there that I was very convenient because I was innocent and easy-going but he kept me incase this person did not work. That he and the person has been off and on but they have been back together for long but he didn’t know how to tell me. He told me he used me to heal and life happens. I should get over it and move on. My heart stopped at this moment, I was still grieving a huge loss of my dad and now he is telling me this. I hunged up and collapsed. My dad’s burial rites were completed and he was finally buried.
Though I have not gotten over my dad’s death but I have gotten over that useless man.
I am now focused on my self growth, adding value, loving myself, my mother and