Upgrading to 10 Mbs Safaricom Fibre

Something that has been pissing me off for the past couple of months was the issue of bandwidth on Safaricom Fibre. When downloading a file using Eagle Get or updating Fortnite my internet would go to shit on all the other devices most of the time even go out. I did not have this problem with torrents.

I tried upgrading in November but the stupid cunt of a USSD did not work well and it deducted for the 5mbs package which when that happens you are fucked for a month. The customer care people cannot do anything about it. So I persevered the shitty internent in November and December also because why would I buy a 4k package and only use it for a couple of weeks in Dec.

Arriving two days ago to this chaotic county of Nairobi my first goal was to upgrade that shitty internet. Fate would have it that it expires on a Sunday and for all of you bob con me more orphans know that the customer care agents would rather ignore your calls that miss out on Sunday debauchery. So I wake up today and the cruel hand of fate would again conspire to give me a green customer care rep who had just rolled out of the intern chain in his borrowed oversized Corduroy suit with a heavy luhya accent straight from a village in siaya.

The guy tells me to send the funds for the 10mbs silver package and that it would automatically deduct the amount even if the other 5mbs package is still active. This is what gives away his noob status and being the courteous bastard I am I calmly inform him that that is not how the system works. He argues a bit and then puts me on hold as he scuttles over to suckle on the supervisor’s tit. He comes back a minute later and without a dose of regret, without even acknowledging I was right he proceeds to follow the correct procedure. He takes down the 5mbs package which had already expired and informs me that I can then pay the balance and then call back.

I already had a balance of 621ksh from my previous attempt so I made sure to top up the exact 3378 to take it to 3999 and called back again. This time I got a seasoned representative who was quick enough to apologize for the inexperience and inhospitality of the noobish guy. He even had the time to express how tough January was on him because he had been working all through the December holiday. I found that a bit weird that he would even divulge such information to me - a stranger on the other side of the phone. I laughed uneasily as I expressed my sympathy to him and quickly ended the call with a ‘Thank you. Have a nice day’ before he started asking me where I live and whether we could meet for a cold beer.

Needless to say, I am enjoying the 10mbs. I am getting smoother game play in Fortnite and if you were to take anything from this post is, 1- I am a mbirrionaire that I can spend that kind of money in January on internet, 2- Some of these customer care reps can put you into hot shit, actually both of them if you know what I mean, 3- I don’t even know where these hekaya came from or whether it is even worth the energy it took to type it out.

Anyway - Buona giornata, Peasants!

Njaa-nuary does strange things to people…

It wasn’t.
But I feel you on the bandwidth manenos.


Iyo 5Mbps ni shit especially kama unadownload stuff kwa IDM. Inakula bandwidth yote huwezi access net kwa any other device. Mimi I think the best package when it comes to gaming should be 20Mbps. Deorro once said ati 5Mbps can download a 2GB movie in 10 minutes, blatant lies.

Luhya accent from a village in Siaya? Endea refund ya Geography.

I do pubg na 5 MBps.

mimi ni kama internet provider wangu ananiscam ! am on the 3mbps but nikifanya speed test download speed haipiti 2.08mbps . Which is the correct way to determine if you are actually getting what you pay for?

Hiyo 2.08 mbps ni throughput.

Sawa engineer

Thats 40Mbps

Hebu download stuff na IDm uone kama speed itahit 350KBPS and above.

My 13 yr old has been on my case about installing fortnite for her. If you are playing it then there’s no way I’m getting it for her.
Ahsante sana.

panatambua your snail speeds


atakuwa addicted, mwekee tuu. very good game

We! 80MBPS!!! Series ya 10 GB 1080p full season done in 2 minutes. Lakini ni ya ofisi

halafu ukuwe na ssd downloads are fireeee


That means this guy’s fortnite is unstable even at 10Mbps

I do pubg not fornite.Never liked it.