uchinka telekramu......mablonde edition

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1…

Ukiwa msoto ubidi mtu alale mapema juu unaeza anza kuyawn ukule tena uharibu budget ya wiki…

2…

@uwesmake "If she removes both her jeans and
panties at the same time by herself. . .My brother USE A CONDOM "

3…

Employer: Umesoma mpaka
wapi?
Watchman: Form 4
Employer: Unajua kiingereza?
Watchman: kwani hao wezi wanakuja ni wazungu?

21 Likes

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1…

QUOTE OF THE DAY!!
No matter how bad you are, you’re not useless. You can still be used as a bad example.

2…

There are 5 people who are extremely difficult to advise

1. A secondary school girl in love
2. A rich luo with Money
3. NASA supporter
4. And a follower of a Prophet owuor
5.A kalenjin lady with kamisi

9 Likes

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1…

Hakuna kitu mbaya kama dem mrembo akukatae Alafu akufie kijana sura mbaya. Kila wakati ukiwaona huwa unashindwa kwani wewe unakaa aje

2…

Its hard being a safcom customer n Arsenal fan all at the same time, a week never passes without getting disappointed by either…

Kuongezea! simu tecno nayo ndio hiyo, kuweka charge ni kaa kuweka tyre pumz, lazima ushikilie…

9 Likes

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1…
Girl:Beb,Arsenali inakuanga movie?
Boy:Why?
Girl:Si nakuskianga ukisema mnangoja next season juu wewe ni fan was Arsenali…
‍♂‍♂‍♂‍♂‍♂‍♂sina ubaya na mtu mimi

2…
kudate dame Mmeru ni tricky sana…
Unajifanya mromantic,mnaanza pillow fight. kidogo kidogo anatoa panga

3…
Unapatana na dem CBD amebeba pizza kama masters degree lakini ukimkuta jioni kwa estate amebeba sukuma wiki anaificha kama D ya Joho…

4…
Nmejichocha nkabebea dem flani maji 20ltrs kutoka ground floor adi 6th floor, kufika kwa mlango ananiambia ati "asanti sana, weka tu apo chali yangu ako kwa nyumba ataingisha ndani "
Imebidi niteremke na izo mtungi zikiwa na maji adi mahali nilizitoa.
kuna ujinga sipendag

5…
jamaa anang’ang’ana kujifanya anajua kizungu saana kwa mat ati fungueni madirisha hapa nyuma tunafornicateimebidi dereva apark gari kidogo tumalize kucheka

10 Likes

wacha uchinga:D:D:D

:D:D:D

:D:D:D:Denyewe ni furahiday

@roots acha niongeze bonus Cc @kush yule mnono [ATTACH=full]110787[/ATTACH]

17 Likes

Hehe

:
For it is written He who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery "…
Similarly as we enter this cold season…
He who looks at soap and water lustfully has already bathed

Ndio mtu aniulize tena naoga saa ngapi.

Mimi labda niingie bafu kama independent candidate.

Cc @mukuna And co

4 Likes

Hao watu wanakula dogi Mungu anawaona.

MADAKTARI KWELI HUONA VITUKO

Jamaa ana tatizo kaingia kwa Daktari ikawa kama ifuatavyo,

Jamaa: Dokta nina tatizo huku sirini,

Daktari : Hebu vua nguo tuone,

Jamaa: sawa navua ila naomba usicheke, pliz dkt usicheke.

Daktari : usijali mimi hii ndo kazi yangu siwezi kumcheka mgonjwa.

jamaa akavua suruali kuonesha dushelele yake. basi dokta kuona, ustaarabu ukamshinda akaanza kucheka na akacheka kama dakika 3 hadi machozi yakamtoka.Dushelele ya jamaa ilikua ni kadogo kama betri Ya AAA (betri za remote ya king’amuzi).Daktari alipomaliza kucheka mazungumzo yakaendelea,

Daktari : enhee Tatizo ni nini???

Jamaa: IMEVIMBAA toka juzi,

Daktari Akazimia pale pale,

Mume alimpa talaka mkewe, baada ya wiki moja baba yake mwanamke akafa, yule mwanamke akapewa urithi milioni 500, mwanaume kusikia ivo akachanganyikiwa akampigia simu yule mwanamke akwamwambia “nina mimba yako”

Usifikiri Watu wote ni Wajinga Hawaelewi Mafumbo.

Jamaa na Mke wake walikuwa bado Wamelala Asubuhi.

Ghafla Mtu akapiga Hodi kwenye mlango.

Mke akaenda kufungua mlango.

Bahati mbaya kumbe ni mpango Wake wa Kando.

MKE: Unataka nini we Mpumbavu?

MUME: Nani huyo una Mtukana?

MKE: kuna Mtu hapa
Anakichwa kama Nenda urudi Baadae.

Mpango wa kando: Nawewe Pua kama… Poa.

MKE: Miguu kama Masaa
Mawili hivi.

Mpango wa kando: Masikio kama Sitachelewa.

MKE: Ondoka hapa mjinga wewe! Akafunga Mlango.

MUME: Mwambie ana Magoti kama Sitoki leo.

Japo kiswahili nakifahamu, hapa kidogo natatizika. naomba unieleze maana ya “Kaa Vizuri” ni nini? kwa sababu mwanamke akiambiwa kaa vizuri mchana anabana miguu pamoja, akiambiwa kaa vizuri usiku anapanua miguu. Haswa maana ya Kaa vizuri ni nini?

Mtoto Rehema alirudi kutoka shule akiwa na furaha ya ajabu, Baba akamuuliza “Mwanangu mbona leo unafuraha sana?” Mtoto akajibu, "Leo mwalimu katufundisha kujikinga na ukimwi kwa vitendo, alinivua chupi nae akatoa dudu lake akalivisha mpira (akisema ni kondom), akaingiza kwangu taratibu, akawa kama anataka kutoa anaingiza tena, nikawa ninasikia raha kweli, alipotoa, ule mpira umejaa majimaji meupe ya UKIMWI.
BABA: Haah! Kumanina ushatombwa tayari wewee!

Kuna jamaa aliambiwa atoe dua baada ya swalaa kumbe hajui na hakutaka kujulikana… Akaanza…

……YAA TAWFIQ
Watu wakajib Ameen…

……YAA TAHMEED
Watu wakajibu Ameen…

………YAA TAAWAKAL
Watu wakajibu Ameen…

……YAA MASH
Watu wakajibu Ameen…

………YAA MORDEN COAST
Apo ndio watu wakajua anataja mabasi…

Uswahilini kuna mambo Aiissee…

Mtoto mmoja aliibiwa Baiskeli yake akaenda Police, akaulizwa unahisi ni nani aliekuibia?

Mtoto akajibu: = Nahisi ni WAZAZI wangu,

Police wakamuuliza kwanini unawashuku?

Akajibu: = Jana usiku nilimsikia Mama akimuuliza Baba vipi IMESIMAMA? Baba akamjibu ndiyo PANDA BASI! Ikalie uichochee kama jana! Ghafla nikamskia Mama akilia aaah! aaah! oooh oooh! Itakuwa walianguka nayo!

Police mbavu hawana.

Mzee mmoja aliagizwa sidiria na mke wake, alipofika dukani akawa amesahau size gani. Mama muuzaji akamwambia: "Usijali, njoo unishike matiti yangu ulinganishe na hayo ya wife wako labda utakumbuka ukubwa wa sidiria ulioagizwa, "Mzee kuona hivyo akasema: “Niliagizwa na chupi!”

2 Likes

Friday made!

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D