I am a peaceful man. I take the words of Kenny Rogers in Coward of the Country seriously -“Walk away from trouble if you can”. This is a lesson I learnt early in life and it has kept me away from much anguish and unnecessary, expensive time wasting conflicts.
But sometimes you cannot avoid trouble, especially when trouble decides to find you. It so happened that in the early 90s, when the clamour for multipartyism had gained momentum, I was working in Bungoma as a raw material locator for a newly established cigarette manufacturer. It was actually theft but that doesn’t matter for this hekaya…
I operated from Mwalimu Wambwa’s Ark Hotel, yes, the one next to the Bungoma Airstrip that Google Maps chooses to call Kakamega Airport…From the Ark I would make follies to Malakisi, Bumula, Busia (North Teso) to identify large tobacco farmers ready to cheat the other company of the leaf they had been contracted to grow.
In my late 20s, this was brutal work. It involved I move around with a coterie of enforcers in a pickup to ward off the other company’s staff and thugs who would do anything to protect their interests. In the evening, I would stop at Kanduyi to pay them for the day’s work before parking the company pickup at the Bungoma Police station or members’ club and retreating to my room at the Ark.
We oprated on the principal of WDF- work hard, drink hard and F hard to keep the morale up. It so happened that I had spotted a half Teso half Bukusu beauty who kept me company most evenings, and made my Bungoma stay memorable…But she also turned out to be the source of my trouble…
It so happened that there was a regular at the Ark, a hefty guy called Solo. Solo was so huge and rumoured to be so brutal people kept off his path. He was also said to be the main supplier of fangi to Bungoma, transporting it from Lake Victoria. The police were said to be on his payroll so people said it was futile to try and report him to the police…
It so happened that one quiet evening Solo took a liking for Rose. He grabbed her as she came from the loo and forced him to sit where he was and bought her a drink…At first I was not concerned but when I thought we should go to sleep I went to the table where Rose was and called her. What happened next was so fast and violent that to this day I can never recall the sequence of events. I however recall that Solo moved in one fluid movement, there was a heavy fat backhand slap across my face, a moment of darkness then I was on my back on the floor seeing the proverbial multicolored stars cascading down to the ground in endless torrents. Through the haze I could see Mwalimu Wambwa’ s bald head mouthing something to Solo who looked menacing, as if he could at any time crash my exposed gonads with his big foot. I reflexively coiled myself into the shape of an embryo in its cocoon…Next the hotel staff were helping me to my room and my most miserable night ever…
I could not chew anything the following day as my tongue was full in my mouth. The upper lip was ballooned like the labia majora of a momo. I could only take some ugali mashed like congee in chicken broth…
Three days later, with the help of painkillers I was able to resume work. My thugs would not believe me when I narrated what befell me, but being the loyal attack dogs they were, they vowed revenge.
Over the next five days, they sipped drinks from strategic locations in the Ark and closely monitored my adversary’s movements. They discovered that after drinking his Pilsners to his fill, he would stagger out into the darkness through the airstrip to his abode at the end of it.
On the sixth day, the thugs did not leave their arsenal of Nyahunyos in the cabin of the pickup as usual. Shortly after 8.00 pm Solo swaggered in as usual and occupied his usual table where he was joined by a minion. His dinner of a chicken and huge mountain of ugali was served followed by his kickstart half of smirnoff…then the Pilsners.
It was not until midnight that he rose and left without ceremony. By then, four of my eight thugs had left while the remaining four surreptitiously also left, following Solo into the darkness. I also left for my room though I couldn’t sleep a wink that night. I could swear I hear a man screaming a few minutes later but I guess I will never be sure…
The report I got the following day was that my guys landed on Solo from front and back, lacerating his body with the Nyahunyos until he was lying on the airstrip tarmac helpless. My thugs melted into the darkness.
He re-emerged at the Ark four days later with bandages all over his body…
Fear the revenge of those you consider weak…
PS- @uwesmake, @pamba - if you normally see a hefty man (he should be in his late 60s now) who looks like he was once under the trends of a battle tank that is Solo.