tusheke tu!

wildfrank · December 16, 2016, 8:44am

Okay guys. Let me tell you about the saddest night of my life. It was last week. On a Thursday night.
I went to that place next to KBC to meet my friends. Polite beers as we catch up nini nini. Si you guys know beer hapo is 110 bob. As in me and my 550 bob kwa mfuko, meza imecha…? Imechafuka. So we’re there me nalamba chupa zangu tano za Tusker, we’re having fun playing pool, laughing, dancing, etc… We weren’t there for long. Like from 7:30 to 9:30pm. We finish our drinks and begin walking to tao.
Hapo kwa bridge ya UoN, miujiza. Hapo ndio pombe zangu zika Report. Nikatingika kama msumari haijashika. I realised I was a tad too tipsy. We struggled walking all the way to Chicken Inn ya Moi Avenue. I bought two pieces of chicken and fries. Headed to the stage nikapanda mat… A few minutes later, nimeshuka matatu and walked to a nduthi nikapanda so we’re riding kwenda home.
About a 2 minute ride. Me niko na njaa. So I decided, let me chomoa one piece of chicken and eat during this katrip. Heeeeeeeeeeh. Makosa. I had held that piece with my thumb and index finger. Remember, niko maji kama aquarium. We hit a bump and BAM! Kuku chini. I’m like, “NOOOOO!”… I felt devastated, empty, sad and every other synonymous adjective.
I legit yelled out, “Boss, simama. Nimeangusha simu…” This guy comes to a complete stop in milliseconds. Keep in mind I had cut waters so my legs were misbehaving badly. Nikashuka nduthi. I walk back a few steps and start looking for my piece of chicken. Btw, my immediate thought was “get home and microwave the shit out of it”… I’m struggling hapo looking coz it’s dark. My nduthi guy gets concerned and says, “Boss, wacha nikumulikie upate simu yako”…
I’m like, “NO! GOD PLEASE NO! NO!.. NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!”… Does he listen? No. Akapiga U turn and mulikad where I was standing full blast na headlight. It was not a good look, I swear. What does he see? A drunk boy holding an open chicken Inn box and a drumstick next to his foot. Again, it was NOT a good look. My nduthi guy says “Boss, nilidhani ni simu imeanguka, kumbe ni kuku?” Fam, I wanted to die … I’m super fuckin stupid so the next words that leave my mouth are, “Hata mimi nilidhani ni simu kumbe ni kuku …”
Why Mwangi, WHY!!! So he dims the headlight, I see his face. I don’t know what that look is but it’s bad. So, I DON’T KNOW WHY, AND DON’T JUDGE ME, BUT I SLOWLY BENT DOWN AND PICKED UP THE CHICKEN. I FUCKIN PICKED UP THE CHICKEN. I DID. … This guy keeps his cool like the government keeps our taxes. He goes, “Unajua barabara ni chafu sana?”… Keep in mind nimekata maji kama Moses, and I don’t know why I said this, but I looked at him, dead in the eye and said, “Napelekea mbwa yetu”…
He doesn’t say anything. I wish he did, but he doesn’t. Akapindua nduthi, I pandad, off we go. I am silent the whole way. So I try to break the ice with some shit like “Mbwa yangu inaitwa Stacy. Iko na mimba…inapenda kuku” … he ignores. Fam, we don’t have dogs … So we get home, I pay him. We are silent akitafuta change. I chuck my keys, and start fumbling with the gate. Btw, drumstick (piece of chicken) iko kwa mfuko … Nikaingia kwa nyumba.
I started laughing like a crazy person. Like, WTF just happened. I head to the kitchen and throw away the soiled piece. I grab a plate, fork, ketchup, wash my hands. All this time I keep asking myself where I suddenly acquired class. SMH. I tried convincing myself that my life had meaning. That I wasn’t that guy who stopped a nduthi ride midway to collect a drumstick on tarmac. But this was me. I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror since that ordeal.
Oh here is the worst part, the other piece was a wing. The one that remained in the box, was a fucking wing. And a small one. Kama ya gachui (like that of a chick). I’ve thought about that ordeal everyday since that day. I laugh, but cry internally. Like why did I do that? …
I saw that nduthi guy in the hood today. He started laughing as soon as our eyes met. LOL. But then again, why wouldn’t he? If you’re wondering if I was going to eat that piece of chicken, yes. I was. Am I ashamed? No. am I a better person now? Yes. Okay, maybe. There’s no point or moral in this vibe. Just, don’t be dumb. I’m dumb. Maybe you are too, but pls, don’t show it. Pls.
Thank you and God bless you.

http://nairobiwire.com/2016/12/guy-narrates-the-funniest-drunk-story-ever-never-do-this-on-a-boda-boda.html

123tokambio · December 16, 2016, 8:54am

:D:D:D:D

syndicate · December 16, 2016, 8:55am

Alchemist · December 16, 2016, 8:56am

Aribu jina jenga mwili.

Fala_12 · December 16, 2016, 9:01am

wildfrank:

Okay guys. Let me tell you about the saddest night of my life. It was last week. On a Thursday night.
I went to that place next to KBC to meet my friends. Polite beers as we catch up nini nini. Si you guys know beer hapo is 110 bob. As in me and my 550 bob kwa mfuko, meza imecha…? Imechafuka. So we’re there me nalamba chupa zangu tano za Tusker, we’re having fun playing pool, laughing, dancing, etc… We weren’t there for long. Like from 7:30 to 9:30pm. We finish our drinks and begin walking to tao.
Hapo kwa bridge ya UoN, miujiza. Hapo ndio pombe zangu zika Report. Nikatingika kama msumari haijashika. I realised I was a tad too tipsy. We struggled walking all the way to Chicken Inn ya Moi Avenue. I bought two pieces of chicken and fries. Headed to the stage nikapanda mat… A few minutes later, nimeshuka matatu and walked to a nduthi nikapanda so we’re riding kwenda home.
About a 2 minute ride. Me niko na njaa. So I decided, let me chomoa one piece of chicken and eat during this katrip. Heeeeeeeeeeh. Makosa. I had held that piece with my thumb and index finger. Remember, niko maji kama aquarium. We hit a bump and BAM! Kuku chini. I’m like, “NOOOOO!”… I felt devastated, empty, sad and every other synonymous adjective.
I legit yelled out, “Boss, simama. Nimeangusha simu…” This guy comes to a complete stop in milliseconds. Keep in mind I had cut waters so my legs were misbehaving badly. Nikashuka nduthi. I walk back a few steps and start looking for my piece of chicken. Btw, my immediate thought was “get home and microwave the shit out of it”… I’m struggling hapo looking coz it’s dark. My nduthi guy gets concerned and says, “Boss, wacha nikumulikie upate simu yako”…
I’m like, “NO! GOD PLEASE NO! NO!.. NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!”… Does he listen? No. Akapiga U turn and mulikad where I was standing full blast na headlight. It was not a good look, I swear. What does he see? A drunk boy holding an open chicken Inn box and a drumstick next to his foot. Again, it was NOT a good look. My nduthi guy says “Boss, nilidhani ni simu imeanguka, kumbe ni kuku?” Fam, I wanted to die … I’m super fuckin stupid so the next words that leave my mouth are, “Hata mimi nilidhani ni simu kumbe ni kuku …”
Why Mwangi, WHY!!! So he dims the headlight, I see his face. I don’t know what that look is but it’s bad. So, I DON’T KNOW WHY, AND DON’T JUDGE ME, BUT I SLOWLY BENT DOWN AND PICKED UP THE CHICKEN. I FUCKIN PICKED UP THE CHICKEN. I DID. … This guy keeps his cool like the government keeps our taxes. He goes, “Unajua barabara ni chafu sana?”… Keep in mind nimekata maji kama Moses, and I don’t know why I said this, but I looked at him, dead in the eye and said, “Napelekea mbwa yetu”…
He doesn’t say anything. I wish he did, but he doesn’t. Akapindua nduthi, I pandad, off we go. I am silent the whole way. So I try to break the ice with some shit like “Mbwa yangu inaitwa Stacy. Iko na mimba…inapenda kuku” … he ignores. Fam, we don’t have dogs … So we get home, I pay him. We are silent akitafuta change. I chuck my keys, and start fumbling with the gate. Btw, drumstick (piece of chicken) iko kwa mfuko … Nikaingia kwa nyumba.
I started laughing like a crazy person. Like, WTF just happened. I head to the kitchen and throw away the soiled piece. I grab a plate, fork, ketchup, wash my hands. All this time I keep asking myself where I suddenly acquired class. SMH. I tried convincing myself that my life had meaning. That I wasn’t that guy who stopped a nduthi ride midway to collect a drumstick on tarmac. But this was me. I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror since that ordeal.
Oh here is the worst part, the other piece was a wing. The one that remained in the box, was a fucking wing. And a small one. Kama ya gachui (like that of @gashwin ). I’ve thought about that ordeal everyday since that day. I laugh, but cry internally. Like why did I do that? …
I saw that nduthi guy in the hood today. He started laughing as soon as our eyes met. LOL. But then again, why wouldn’t he? If you’re wondering if I was going to eat that piece of chicken, yes. I was. Am I ashamed? No. am I a better person now? Yes. Okay, maybe. There’s no point or moral in this vibe. Just, don’t be dumb. I’m dumb. Maybe you are too, but pls, don’t show it. Pls.
Thank you and God bless you.

http://nairobiwire.com/2016/12/guy-narrates-the-funniest-drunk-story-ever-never-do-this-on-a-boda-boda.html

fixed

wildfrank · December 16, 2016, 9:02am

nacheka kama mwenda wazimu…best memories are made ukiwa drunk, the craziest you dont even recall

biraru · December 16, 2016, 9:09am

:D:D:D:D.yenyewe nimecheka

Lucky_Luciano · December 16, 2016, 9:51am

hahahaha nice read…ati mbwa yangu inaitwa Stacy na ikona mimba…hii ni kichaa

Giggz · December 16, 2016, 10:20am

wildfrank:

Okay guys. Let me tell you about the saddest night of my life. It was last week. On a Thursday night.
I went to that place next to KBC to meet my friends. Polite beers as we catch up nini nini. Si you guys know beer hapo is 110 bob. As in me and my 550 bob kwa mfuko, meza imecha…? Imechafuka. So we’re there me nalamba chupa zangu tano za Tusker, we’re having fun playing pool, laughing, dancing, etc… We weren’t there for long. Like from 7:30 to 9:30pm. We finish our drinks and begin walking to tao.
Hapo kwa bridge ya UoN, miujiza. Hapo ndio pombe zangu zika Report. Nikatingika kama msumari haijashika. I realised I was a tad too tipsy. We struggled walking all the way to Chicken Inn ya Moi Avenue. I bought two pieces of chicken and fries. Headed to the stage nikapanda mat… A few minutes later, nimeshuka matatu and walked to a nduthi nikapanda so we’re riding kwenda home.
About a 2 minute ride. Me niko na njaa. So I decided, let me chomoa one piece of chicken and eat during this katrip. Heeeeeeeeeeh. Makosa. I had held that piece with my thumb and index finger. Remember, niko maji kama aquarium. We hit a bump and BAM! Kuku chini. I’m like, “NOOOOO!”… I felt devastated, empty, sad and every other synonymous adjective.
I legit yelled out, “Boss, simama. Nimeangusha simu…” This guy comes to a complete stop in milliseconds. Keep in mind I had cut waters so my legs were misbehaving badly. Nikashuka nduthi. I walk back a few steps and start looking for my piece of chicken. Btw, my immediate thought was “get home and microwave the shit out of it”… I’m struggling hapo looking coz it’s dark. My nduthi guy gets concerned and says, “Boss, wacha nikumulikie upate simu yako”…
I’m like, “NO! GOD PLEASE NO! NO!.. NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!”… Does he listen? No. Akapiga U turn and mulikad where I was standing full blast na headlight. It was not a good look, I swear. What does he see? A drunk boy holding an open chicken Inn box and a drumstick next to his foot. Again, it was NOT a good look. My nduthi guy says “Boss, nilidhani ni simu imeanguka, kumbe ni kuku?” Fam, I wanted to die … I’m super fuckin stupid so the next words that leave my mouth are, “Hata mimi nilidhani ni simu kumbe ni kuku …”
Why Mwangi, WHY!!! So he dims the headlight, I see his face. I don’t know what that look is but it’s bad. So, I DON’T KNOW WHY, AND DON’T JUDGE ME, BUT I SLOWLY BENT DOWN AND PICKED UP THE CHICKEN. I FUCKIN PICKED UP THE CHICKEN. I DID. … This guy keeps his cool like the government keeps our taxes. He goes, “Unajua barabara ni chafu sana?”… Keep in mind nimekata maji kama Moses, and I don’t know why I said this, but I looked at him, dead in the eye and said, “Napelekea mbwa yetu”…
He doesn’t say anything. I wish he did, but he doesn’t. Akapindua nduthi, I pandad, off we go. I am silent the whole way. So I try to break the ice with some shit like “Mbwa yangu inaitwa Stacy. Iko na mimba…inapenda kuku” … he ignores. Fam, we don’t have dogs … So we get home, I pay him. We are silent akitafuta change. I chuck my keys, and start fumbling with the gate. Btw, drumstick (piece of chicken) iko kwa mfuko … Nikaingia kwa nyumba.
I started laughing like a crazy person. Like, WTF just happened. I head to the kitchen and throw away the soiled piece. I grab a plate, fork, ketchup, wash my hands. All this time I keep asking myself where I suddenly acquired class. SMH. I tried convincing myself that my life had meaning. That I wasn’t that guy who stopped a nduthi ride midway to collect a drumstick on tarmac. But this was me. I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror since that ordeal.
Oh here is the worst part, the other piece was a wing. The one that remained in the box, was a fucking wing. And a small one. Kama ya gachui (like that of a chick). I’ve thought about that ordeal everyday since that day. I laugh, but cry internally. Like why did I do that? …
I saw that nduthi guy in the hood today. He started laughing as soon as our eyes met. LOL. But then again, why wouldn’t he? If you’re wondering if I was going to eat that piece of chicken, yes. I was. Am I ashamed? No. am I a better person now? Yes. Okay, maybe. There’s no point or moral in this vibe. Just, don’t be dumb. I’m dumb. Maybe you are too, but pls, don’t show it. Pls.
Thank you and God bless you.

http://nairobiwire.com/2016/12/guy-narrates-the-funniest-drunk-story-ever-never-do-this-on-a-boda-boda.html

:D:D:D:p

Ole_Wenu1 · December 16, 2016, 10:45am

Ata kama ni ulevi, why go to all that hustle of picking up the chicken from the tarmac only to go throw it away at home?

gashwin · December 16, 2016, 10:55am

He he… @Fala 12 you are trying to be as funny as the story…

milvoski · December 16, 2016, 12:31pm

https://media.giphy.com/media/jQmVFypWInKCc/giphy.gif

Some_Say · December 16, 2016, 2:02pm

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

10000_OTHERS · December 16, 2016, 3:51pm

:D:D:D:D

Electronics4u · December 17, 2016, 4:17am

Huyu mjamaa wa Nairobi wire ako poa…

system · December 18, 2016, 1:11pm

wildfrank:

Okay guys. Let me tell you about the saddest night of my life. It was last week. On a Thursday night.
I went to that place next to KBC to meet my friends. Polite beers as we catch up nini nini. Si you guys know beer hapo is 110 bob. As in me and my 550 bob kwa mfuko, meza imecha…? Imechafuka. So we’re there me nalamba chupa zangu tano za Tusker, we’re having fun playing pool, laughing, dancing, etc… We weren’t there for long. Like from 7:30 to 9:30pm. We finish our drinks and begin walking to tao.
Hapo kwa bridge ya UoN, miujiza. Hapo ndio pombe zangu zika Report. Nikatingika kama msumari haijashika. I realised I was a tad too tipsy. We struggled walking all the way to Chicken Inn ya Moi Avenue. I bought two pieces of chicken and fries. Headed to the stage nikapanda mat… A few minutes later, nimeshuka matatu and walked to a nduthi nikapanda so we’re riding kwenda home.
About a 2 minute ride. Me niko na njaa. So I decided, let me chomoa one piece of chicken and eat during this katrip. Heeeeeeeeeeh. Makosa. I had held that piece with my thumb and index finger. Remember, niko maji kama aquarium. We hit a bump and BAM! Kuku chini. I’m like, “NOOOOO!”… I felt devastated, empty, sad and every other synonymous adjective.
I legit yelled out, “Boss, simama. Nimeangusha simu…” This guy comes to a complete stop in milliseconds. Keep in mind I had cut waters so my legs were misbehaving badly. Nikashuka nduthi. I walk back a few steps and start looking for my piece of chicken. Btw, my immediate thought was “get home and microwave the shit out of it”… I’m struggling hapo looking coz it’s dark. My nduthi guy gets concerned and says, “Boss, wacha nikumulikie upate simu yako”…
I’m like, “NO! GOD PLEASE NO! NO!.. NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!”… Does he listen? No. Akapiga U turn and mulikad where I was standing full blast na headlight. It was not a good look, I swear. What does he see? A drunk boy holding an open chicken Inn box and a drumstick next to his foot. Again, it was NOT a good look. My nduthi guy says “Boss, nilidhani ni simu imeanguka, kumbe ni kuku?” Fam, I wanted to die … I’m super fuckin stupid so the next words that leave my mouth are, “Hata mimi nilidhani ni simu kumbe ni kuku …”
Why Mwangi, WHY!!! So he dims the headlight, I see his face. I don’t know what that look is but it’s bad. So, I DON’T KNOW WHY, AND DON’T JUDGE ME, BUT I SLOWLY BENT DOWN AND PICKED UP THE CHICKEN. I FUCKIN PICKED UP THE CHICKEN. I DID. … This guy keeps his cool like the government keeps our taxes. He goes, “Unajua barabara ni chafu sana?”… Keep in mind nimekata maji kama Moses, and I don’t know why I said this, but I looked at him, dead in the eye and said, “Napelekea mbwa yetu”…
He doesn’t say anything. I wish he did, but he doesn’t. Akapindua nduthi, I pandad, off we go. I am silent the whole way. So I try to break the ice with some shit like “Mbwa yangu inaitwa Stacy. Iko na mimba…inapenda kuku” … he ignores. Fam, we don’t have dogs … So we get home, I pay him. We are silent akitafuta change. I chuck my keys, and start fumbling with the gate. Btw, drumstick (piece of chicken) iko kwa mfuko … Nikaingia kwa nyumba.
I started laughing like a crazy person. Like, WTF just happened. I head to the kitchen and throw away the soiled piece. I grab a plate, fork, ketchup, wash my hands. All this time I keep asking myself where I suddenly acquired class. SMH. I tried convincing myself that my life had meaning. That I wasn’t that guy who stopped a nduthi ride midway to collect a drumstick on tarmac. But this was me. I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror since that ordeal.
Oh here is the worst part, the other piece was a wing. The one that remained in the box, was a fucking wing. And a small one. Kama ya gachui (like that of a chick). I’ve thought about that ordeal everyday since that day. I laugh, but cry internally. Like why did I do that? …
I saw that nduthi guy in the hood today. He started laughing as soon as our eyes met. LOL. But then again, why wouldn’t he? If you’re wondering if I was going to eat that piece of chicken, yes. I was. Am I ashamed? No. am I a better person now? Yes. Okay, maybe. There’s no point or moral in this vibe. Just, don’t be dumb. I’m dumb. Maybe you are too, but pls, don’t show it. Pls.
Thank you and God bless you.

http://nairobiwire.com/2016/12/guy-narrates-the-funniest-drunk-story-ever-never-do-this-on-a-boda-boda.html

:D:D:D:D

kiLo · December 19, 2016, 6:42am

:D:D:D:D

system · December 19, 2016, 8:39am

:D:D:D
Kali kapsaa.

Diffre · December 21, 2016, 10:35am

Damn:D:D. Dude you will get me fired…niko ofisi and colleagues think am losing it

mr_slices · December 22, 2016, 7:36am

like for real? hehehe