When you were growing up, every pastor in your village wanted to sound like Pastor Pius Muiru (where did he go btw?). We were all familiar with Kuna Nuru Gizani (KBC (its not like there was any other channel) radio, Saturday 8pm, TV Sunday, 3pm).
“Jiiina Laaangu, ni Pastor (pause, 30 seconds) Pius Mu-iru, wa Maximum Miracle Centre (pause, 30 seconds) Od-eon Cinema (pause, 30 seconds) Hapa jijini Nairobi (roll out the last words, like a slow rap)”
Of course it was always funny hearing local pastors try to imitate that (along with the deep signature voice) with accents. And some inevitably overdid it.
So today, while seated in a bus listening to a hawker, i wondered if there is an icon hawker on some radio, perhaps Ghetto radio, who hawkers try to imitate. Because they all sound the same. And some, like today’s, overdo it.
“Basi meme naitwaJohn. nawaretea dawa. Kama meno yako inarangi yabrown, Vogan itasafisha iwe nyeupe. Pale supermarket beiyake ni shilingi sabini, rakini reo tunaoffer. Nishilingi hamsini tu. Hapo nyuma nakuona, nani mwingine Vogan? Kuangalia ni bure…”
With the joining of words, misplaced punctuation and exaggerated intonation, it takes you a while to realize he was selling some toothpaste you have never heard of.