Sijui ningepost kama hekaya ama kwa hii category but anyway, lets get this started.
Elections should be every year. Damn, there is this chile we met in these church functions but she schools in Eldoret University. She is kao, from Machakos. Girl was so fine, and naive (had jsut finished high school a year ago), she was very tight (said she had had sex only once before I met her, but you can never trust these ngeus). We met at drama festivals for church in Dec 2016 and girl couldn’t let her eyes off me. Being the guy who doesn’t waste opportunities, I threw myself into her emotional turmoil like a hungry hyena on a carcass. We exchanged numbers and kept in touch.
That time, she was dating my friend but damnit, the girl didn’t like the guy. Was I going to break the bro code? Hell nah. We kept talking and she would come to say hi to me whenever she visited her guy in Nairobi.
The guy was insecure as f**k. Whenever they came to my house, the guy wouldn’t allow her to sleepover at my place since the guy was still staying with his family. He would make sure he escorted her to her sister to sleep there. Mimi naona hii game tu kwa umbali, kumbe jamaa nasemanga ni beste yangu na hainiamini. Me nikasema acha nimaintain upole wangu juu sitaki kurudi kwetu na burns za maji moto. Bro code nikaishikilia.
Girl started complaining that she is not being trusted and like any other guy, I was there to listen to her endless nagging stories of their issues. Me nikashow dame, for how long are you going to complain? Nikamuacha afikirie. Hii ni kitu hapo March 2017. Then the guy started campaigning for a certain MP huko kwao so he got really busy with politics and had little time to be there for this chile.
Dame kuona attention hapa imeshift focus to kumanga pesa ya siasa, akasema kama mbaya mbaya akabreak up na the guy. Hio ni hapo May 2017. Akanishow decision yake, me nikamshow sawa sitaki kuingilia story zenu, if you’re happy, I’m happy for you (damn, guys we like this line, kuna vile tu pia madame upenda kusikia a guy is happy for them). Juu dame alikua ameapply kazi ya iebc Nairobi, akakuja training hapo June, na juu her sister was not in Nairobi, she requested to come sleep over kwangu. I didn’t reject her proposal ( who would?) but nikajiambia sigongi hii stuff (damn lie), wacha bro code ishikilie. Dame akakuja akafanya training yake na akarudi Eldoret shule. I didn’t f**k her.
Kidogo kidogo, the next week I see a call from my friend, claiming that her chile came to Nairobi and I accommodated her, sijui oh ningemlipia room badala ya kukuja kudoze kwangu. Me nikamshow buda hakuna kitu tulido. Faggot haikuniamini, (na ukweli hakuna kitu nlido), nikaona hapa shiet, if you have to accuse me, better accuse me for something I have done. Nikaamua mbaya mbaya. Juu nilikua najua elections zinacome up Aug and this chile will be in Nairobi to conduct the elections, and the guy will be in ushago engrossed in the voting and results, nikaplan plan ikaivana kwa kichwa. Nikajua bado execution. Ushaiplan kitu ikaivana mpaka unacheka tu kwa akili peke yako vile utaitimiza? That was me in July last year.
Fast forward to Aug 6th, chile akakuja Nairobi for the pre-training before voting day. Nlitandika toto nikafikisha threshold. Ushaingiza mjulubeng kwa kitu haitoshei mpaka ikiingia unafeel imeingia huko ndaaaaani kabisa na ikafunikiwa huko? That was me Aug 6th. Kesho yake 7th akaenda pre training but she had to sleep polling station juu ya kuraukia voting day ngware. Nikajiambia acha nipumzishe mjulubeng juu iko job for the next 5 days juu kawaida election results Kenya hudelay.
Voting ikaisha vizuri on 8th, wakacount votes mpaka the early morning of 9th, nikaenda kumpick. Kufika kwa keja, nikakamua tena, threshold ikafika tena. Thank goodness, chebukati akaanza story zake, results zikadelay for 6days, the chile is still at my house since they were told to remain within, incase kitu ifanyike, they can be called anytime. Me nikakamua coomer for five straight days mpaka vujo zikaanza after results, ikabidi dame aende ocha. Coomer nilikua nimekamua hata nguvu ilikua imeisha, juu kukamua ilikua almost every hour, day and night, 6 days.
Tuka announce results zetu with threshold having been achieved for 6 days continuous. Aug 2017, you have a special place in my mjulubeng.