Hi, this is the MIT. According to 98% of the voices in my head, I’m the Most Intelligent Talker, hence MIT. Due to popular demand, again by the overwhelming majority of voices in my head, I’m going to show you how to post a like-worthy thread. In case you’re wondering whether you’ll ever be as intelligent as I am, the answer is a resounding no.
Never.
Ever.
Eveeer.
With decades of practice though, maybe you’ll be half as smart as I am.
Maybe.
Anyway, let me give you some pointers on how to post threads that will leave other talkers begging for more:
-In case you want to drive a point home, SHOUT!
Example in a sentence: “I was driving through Kibera when I was reminded that the residents are living in poverty because THEY HAVE SIMPLY REFUSED TO THINK of ways they can get out of their misery.”
-Find a way to occasionally brag about mingling with the high and mighty, even when it’s not necessary.
Example: “As I drove through kibera and barely survived a flying toilet attack, I remembered how my good friend Uhuru M. K, president of a certain East African country, once explained to me his Big 4 agenda over drinks.”
-By all means, and this is the secret sauce, ALWAYS find a way to attribute any problem Kenyans and Africans face to THE UNSUSTAINABLE BIRTH RATE.
Example: “As I thanked my lucky stars for surviving a flying toilet ambush, it occurred to me that the reason most Kibera residents can’t access decent toilets is because THEY BREED LIKE RATS!”
-Occasionally, channel your “inner Mau Mau” and launch a scathing attack against the mzungu for whatever reason.
Example: "My near fatal experience with Kibera’s flying toilets convinced me that if the thieving colonialist mzungu hadn’t given Kibra to the Nubians, the slum and by extension flying toilets, wouldn’t exist.
-To confuse the filthy illiterate peasant talkers, occasionally use big English words even when simpler ones would suffice. Feel free to invest in a dictionary.
Example: Instead of typing “I must have looked odd in peasant, flying toilet infested Kibera”, type “I must have looked incongrous in peasant, flying toilet infested Kibera”.
-Garnish your thread with some nonsensical words to make you stand out from the average talker.
Example: gavament
-Finally, and this is the most important point; go through threads but don’t comment too much. Instead, carefully read the various comments, then when ready to post “your opinion”, DO IT IN FORM OF A THREAD. On this thread, just reword the most important points you picked from the earlier thread to make them look like your own.
If you follow this 7 point plan, maybe, just maybe, you’ll one day be half as intelligent as I am.
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