This is Guka - My Take on Random Current Issues

  1. TURKANA OIL
    Ferk the skinny charcoal black niggas. “Kenya” has been feeding them for eons and now they want to ringa eti their land has oil? Since independence Turkana has contributed virtually nothing, NOTHING, to the national economy yet their people are just as well educated as the rest of us - on you, the taxpayers’ funds. For the last 6 years they have been receiving some of the largest allocations in county funds, from you John Paul Onyango Taxpayer. Just in today’s newspaper, there is a story about a Sh20 billlion dam being constructed in their county. Hii yote ni pesa ya mama zao, kumanina? LET ANY EDUCATED TURKANA FROM HERE TO LOKI KNOW, KENYA HAS A VERY WELL TRAINED MILITARY. Tell your people, Kenya is not Nigeria. Wakicheza watatombwa hiyo micoondu yao mbaya sana.

  2. SUGAR SCANDAL
    This kind of shit is what happens when you allow foreigners with no allegiance to your country, what is called patriotism, to over-run you. These foreign Indians and Somalis see us all as expendable profit centres. Our own people too are busy feeding us cats and dog muturas. So, when you wake up in the morning and take tea and samosas you are basically becoming a ferking nuclear reactor - mercury, lead, uranium, copper, matumbo ya paka, brains za doggi…and then we wonder why cancer rates are going up the roof. We need to ask Jesus to stop going down on Mary (Mzito @kyuktothecore) and please come save us, right?

  3. MUHOHO KENYATTA
    I know the bitter brain-dead Kenyan mentality of tearing others down, BUT THE FACT IS THERE IS YET NO EVIDENCE TO SUGGEST THAT MUHOHO EVER IMPORTED A GRAIN OF SUGAR. Choke on your bile, envy and jealousy, but the scion of the first president is clean na ataendelea kula matunda ya Uhuru (pun intended) as you continue to wallow in a miasma of poverty and envy. My word of advice? Just accept that your life is shit and move on like I have. Go down Luthuli and ferk that virus-infested hoe like your dad and grandpa did before you. You are stupid like that. Just leave innocent people out of your shit.

  4. UHURUTO SPLIT
    Let me make this crystal clear; Sisi WaGema Wooooooooooote tuko nyuma ya William. Anybody - ANYBODY - who thinks ako na title-deed yetu eti ataenda kusalimiana na huko na wapumbavu wengine atuuze kama waru amelewa na zake. AMELEWA!

  5. YOUTH
    Nimesema na nitasema - there’s nothing special with you. If anything most of you should never have been born - your parents should have taken advantage of the free contraceptive programme and saved Kenya the nightmare of millions of unemployed, shitting scumbags. Like I have pointed out, the earth is 4.5 billlion years old. There were youth during the times of the pharaohs and even in 1945. Hakuna kitu mko nayo hatuna ama hatujaai fanya. Get off your butts and hustle like everybody else if only to justify your existence. This entitlement mko nayo tieni kwa micoondu na mtulie tuli tuli.

  6. THE CHURCH
    When the ACK Bishop, the late George Muiru wa Njuguna, was defrocked in the 1990s for sleeping with random females in the Church, I remember telling my own matha that the Church was the devil’s workshop. Afadhali hata sisi hu-tithe kwa bar. Sasa naona another so-called Bishop of the ACK has been caught sleeping with a 14-year old. A RETIRED BISHOP! With a 14-year old! And that’s even before we come to the Ng’ang’as and Kiunas of this world. As @kyuktothecore said, Jesus needs to stop giving Mary that cunnillingus and hasten to come save the world…

  7. CORRUPTION
    Stop the ferking finger-pointing and take action where you can. But if you are going to bribe a cop or throw a plastic bottle out of the car window, you are just as bad as a sugar baron.

  8. SOCIAL MEDIA TAX
    We need this in Kenya ASAP. There are too many idle and stupid idiots in cyberspace, even here. They contribute absolutely nothing to human advancement and knowledge and spend half-the-time posting about sex and alcohol. What’s wrong with niggas honestly? And the other half? They spend posting what they think is deep stuff; “President Kenyatta should fight corruption”. “Corruption began with Jomo”. What crap! How exactly should President Kenyatta fight corruption when the Judiciary is releasing every accused? Line up culprits at Uhuru Park and get them shot? Were you there during the time of Jomo to see how Government was working (I was!)? Rotich, bring on that tax!

  9. THE MEDIA
    Strictly speaking, Kenya has no media worth writing about. Like 99.7865% of the people, our so-called journalists are quite stupid. This morning I just listened to a business journalist on KTN - supposedly one of our premier networks - interview protesting taxi drivers. Her entire focus WAS ON HOW GOVERNMENT HAS LET THE DRIVERS DOWN. Forget that the drivers WILLINGLY entered into contracts with PRIVATE entities which they can TERMINATE at any time. No, no, no we shouldn’t let such facts come in between us and inserting Government into every crisis. Next to the Al Shabaab (which Government has failed miserably to combat, right?) Serikali is our worst enemy. I think serikali should help us condemn Government more often honestly. Moral of the story? Go ferk yourself, why should there be a moral to every story!

  10. GUKA’S HEALTH
    Things are looking up, though with this weather I wouldn’t mind the company of two ladies who hate my guts - @Nefertities and @pseudonym.

Nawapenda sana!

Ngai wa matuini…:D:D:D:D:D:Dniriku wagushia umuthi?

your thoughts are not important …I therefore didnt read.

Quite a loss for you.

Your age are busy prepping for weekend ruracios and weddings …or even setting their after-burial affairs in order, wakati wewe ni yule mzee wa maua ya kaburi @gashwin mko hapa na vipii

A little growing up while u age was your greatest loss

As always you went for the ferking juggernaut…
11.Dementia is real,prepare accordingly

‘SISI’? Hata heri ungesema ‘Mimi na nyumba yangu’ :D:D.You got no say in this old man.

Turkana has been given a raw deal since indipendence I understand where their coming from asking for a bigger piece of the pie on matters oill, about them threatening to stop the oil convoys unless banditry is tamed I understand that too , in Kenya you have to strike or threaten to get things done!

Boss we r in afternoon sleeping mode can you kindly post it as audio , it seems can be very good lullaby

Youthmen are hear to stay.
Jinga

Everybody who wants to be Kenya’s president must prove himself over and over that he can lead. If something as little as [COLOR=rgb(41, 105, 176)]lifestyle audit is causing thunderstorms Kenyans must step back and really look at what is on the offer.
Kina Murkomen and Sudi made everything worse by panicking. All this is being observed by Kenyans who are tired of high levels of corruption. Ruto kazi kwako

On point as usual.

If you try read this thread whilst filtering the occasional insults, there is some wisdom in your words @FieldMarshal CouchP .
However hapo kwa social media tax kuna vile umetumia ‘akili ndogo kama sabuni ya lodging’ (stolen from Mohammed Ali)

Mzee lazima atukanane kidogo:D:D:D:D:D!

As much as you have a point, you come out as condescending prick.

Mzee WaGema wooote ni kina nani? You and your miserable family do not form Gema. You throwing yourselves cheaply at Ulliam and claiming its a Gema viewpoint are deluded. Deni tumelipa na hatuna deni and nobody can scare us into submission to behave like voting robots ndio tu Ulliam apite. he bargained for seat two and ministerial positions and everything else he bargained for and got exactly what he wanted. Deni iko wapi? So that he goes and picks a luhya and makes them DP and GEMA having not negotiated for anything, gets fucked left right and cntre like MO1 did Gema,thanks to voting robots like you. Ulliam aseme kenye atatufanyia ama aende akikaukanga… Its not a must we vote for him. Only retards like you will.

The problem is they’re striking na bado ni pilot export program. The message being sent is they’re not above sabotaging the pipeline, once it’s built. First of all, the oil belongs to the government, meaning all Kenyans have a right to it. They’ve already been guaranteed a higher cut of the revenue, asking for more just because it happens to be located in your area sounds absurd. Now that they’re screaming about “our oil”, how much did they contribute towards exploration and drilling? If Tullow, hadn’t struck gold, waTurkana wangewarefund hizo billioni zote walitumia kufanya hiyo kazi yote? It was a gamble which paid off.
On security, these guys need to fucking chill. If cattle rustling and the banditry that comes with it is part of your culture, is gava supposed to end it in two months? Something you’ve been doing for centuries? Obviously security will be improved, I wouldn’t be surprised if a new military base was built in the county, it’s just logical. The fact is these guys are being chochwad by some figures who do not have their interests at heart. Wakikubali kutumiwa vibaya ata 50 years from now there’ll be zero improvement in their living standards.

Sisemi kitu :D:D:D

Ulliam is more than ready to look the other way and allow unchecked corruption to continue. NYS III is loading… Patia yeye kura.

Agreed everything except ulliam

I will inbox you soon coz I need your help bro…

Ferk the skinny charcoal black niggas.

Poor fellows, if only their ancestral mothers’ pussy had ‘collaborated’

He he he he he! Kijana unasema cucu yangu alitombwa na Johann Krapf msituni? Nyani wewe!