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They say money gives you warmth. That is what I was feeling on Friday. On that day, Matini had a car from one of his Grogoni friends, and I told him and Kafro that I felt like buying them fobe in Westlands. As you all know, Westlands is an ideal place if you want to spoil your liver expensively. The cost of one botorro of fobe is equivalent to a week’s supply of Wakihara special vodka complete with a chaser. So we headed for Westi. Unlike my Wakihara Special joints where the waitresses are red eyed old women who can’t speak 5 words without an insult, here the waitresses were yellow yellow persons who spoke English of nose effortlessly. You are also welcomed by a built bouncer who quickly organizes a table for you. At my usual joints, you are only welcomed by eyes and if they want to direct you where to sit, they point at the place with their lips. So we sat and fobe was served. Normally, immediately Matini puts fobe in his mouth, he starts becoming ‘Personal’-wharamean by personal is that he starts getting attracted to persons. The more he drinks, the more personal he becomes. At some point, he called the bouncer and told him to at least direct a persons to our table. I was quick to tell the bouncer not to bring campus persons, because from my experience, they drink even for their ancestors. For me on that day, I was not in the mood for persons at all, especially not in Westlands where I would be forced to strain my vocal muscles the whole night trying to talk English of nose. Kafro on the other hand was very broke that he could not even attempt to become ‘personal’. I had told him earlier that on that day, he was just an escorter to me and Matini, just like the way avocado escorts githeri to the stomach. Matini was the only one interested in talking to persons.
So after a few minutes, we saw a persons coming to our table. She sat near Matini and called the waiter. She ordered her drink and paid for it cash, to the amusement of all of us. All this time, Matini was staring at her the way Kambas stare at running water. It did not take long before they started talking. I turned to Kafro and we started talking about other matters of national importance like Climate change, the scramble and partition of Africa, and where the ¼ day in the 365 & ¼ days in a year comes from. On the other side, Matini was now in a deep conversation with the persons. He then introduced us to the persons, who said she was Michelle. I told her am Ole Weru, a retired Fisist strategist and grandson to the legendary Kihara Murefi, a master brewer and founder of Wakihara Special Vodka. From then on, we continued engaging as we swallowed cold ones. She drank very little and very slowly, and throughout the period we were there, she only took 3 bottoros of fobe. She said she is a banker by profession bla bra bla and that is all I got to know before Matini signaled to me that I was knowing too much. I kept off and returned to talk to Kafro about factors affecting developing nations.
So eventually we had enough and decided to go home. The persons said that she would have to go to Thika road, because that’s where she lives. Matini said he would drop her there, and we asked to accompany him and come back together. He refused completely, saying that according to the rules of probability, there was a 50-50 chance of him being told to sleep there and as such, us being there would reduce that probability significantly. Who were we to stand in the way of him seeing canaan?.We just reminded him not to see canaan with plain eyes, because ‘mu-electricity’ of nowadays is of grade. I went home with Kafro as Matini and the persons got into the car.
After about 1 hour, I got a call from a new number. “Hey Ole, is that you?.This is Michelle I got your number from Martin’s phone., imagine your friend has been arrested na cops wa alcoblow…”sounded a very panicked Michelle. It’s been long since I heard of those alcoblow guys, and so I asked her where, how, what, whichever, however, etc…She explained to me that he was being taken to the cell, until Monday where he would be taken to court. I told her to try negotiate for him, and she said she would get back in a few. After a few minutes, she called again and said that they were demanding 12 sausand shillings. She said she had 2 sausand cash, and Matini had requested that if I have 10 sausand, he could refund the following day. I had money in my phone, and as a brasa, I sent 10 sausand to the persons, as Matini’s phone was off. One strange thing however was that her name came as Jane and not Michelle…but haisuru. So I called her to confirm receipt, and she said that she would give feedback. I was about to ask whether she will get an open Mpesa at that time of the night, but she hung up.
That, ladies and gentlemen was the last time I heard from her. Matini showed up the following day saying he found himself in the car, at the same place he had parked the previous night. His last memory is the persons saying that she did not like the smell of Guiness in his breath, and was offered chewing gum. From there, he got into deep slumber and went on to have funny dreams of him on judgement day, being asked by St Peter; “Mshukiwa, utajitetea ukiwa pande gani?”
Now the big case here is should Matini pay my 10 sausand?.He claims he isn’t the one who stole from me, but I insist he is the one who should pay because she stole from me through him. I think I need a lawyer to help on this.
But this Nyairofi has many types of thieves. There is nothing as painful as being stolen from, through being carried baby. Ata heri mtu akuchape ngeta, upoteze pesa yako kijeshi. This one aaai afana. From the way things are, I see myself going back to WaJothefu of Kibandanski sooner than I expected. In fact i passed by there a few minutes ago and said Hi to her very respectfully.
Hii Nyairofi ni unpredictable kama game ya Man-u tu.
By Olewaru