There is no gentler way of saying this, but the moment you become the owner of a Benz, your status changes. Just like a proper African elder wouldn’t be caught dead smiling at his fifth wife, there are certain things you just don’t do as a proud owner of a Mercedes.
For instance, and this is quite basic, when you own a Benz, that nonsense of walking down the road with a jerrycan because you ran out of fuel is an insult to a whole class of privileged drivers.
In fact, when you stop at a petrol station, you should say, “Jaza tank.” What do you mean, “Weka mia mbili!?”
Importantly, when you drive a Benz, it is ridiculous to stick your arm out of the car window or have a teddy bear at the back. Leave that to jokers who have just bought their first car. You made it ages ago, so look and behave the part.
Neither should you pull up in a traffic jam and tell the Omugusii man who sells sugarcane by the road, “Kata ya mbao.” You don’t chew sugar cane in a freaking Mercedes. No, no!
By the same token, you can’t park the German machine by the roadside, stroll out and turn the nearest wall or tree into a urinal. You can’t eat ‘mutura’ either. It is utterly abominable for the owner of a Mercedes to have intestinal worms crawling in their belly.
Also, the moment you own a Mercedes, ensure you live on the right side of town where kids are too cultured to scratch people’s cars and scribble “wash me” on the windscreen.
If you must have a mistress, ensure she is tucked up in a nice pad on Ngong Road or Kileleshwa. It is ridiculous to find a Merc parked in an alley all night outside seedy one-roomed flats in Ongata Rongai!
By the same token, drink at the right places. When you own a Mercedes, it means you are a man of means, and your status allows you to be a member of several exclusive clubs. Parking a Sh5 million piece of art outside Kwa Njoro is an insult to the spirits of departed Benzes that royally stand on stones.
And don’t be seen chewing ‘boiro’ at the same establishment. When you own a Merc, you should be very conscious about your cholesterol levels. If you hate the tasteless meat of the leafy suburbs, then sell your Merc and come back home to Dagoretti Corner!
I know this should be common sense, but when you go upcountry, don’t forget that chicken, arrow roots, goats and other ‘gichagi’ stuff are simply not stuffed into the boot of a Mercedes. This is a car of class.
And class means you don’t play Mugithi, Mukangala or Fundamendos in a Mercedes.
This is a German piece of excellence. Try Rhumba, Mozart, Chopin, Ray Charles, Tchaikovsky. Cool stuff like that.
And while we are on the subject of class, when the darn thing coughs, take it to DT Dobie. There is something very unsettling about a Mercedes at a jua kali garage along Jogoo Road.
Have a splendid day ladies and gentlemen.
Mtu labda hata hana baiskeli mbovu. Lakini anaambia watu vile wataishi maisha yao?
:DZingine hapa ni ngumu sana.
So basically you stop living once you own a Mercedes?
Kama ni hivyo wacha tu niishi na ka Toyo.
Mercedes yangu bado iko showroom. Ile siku nitaiendea, ata kama ni 20 years from now, nitaona kama nitafuata hizi sheria. For now cunt relate.
Acknowledge source…
https://www.sde.co.ke/thenairobian/article/2000230211/when-you-own-a-mercedes
To some of us, fitness enthusiast that is. It not the type of car one drives, but the size of arm that hangs out of the window, that matters.
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Economy ya Jubilee hapana tambua. Jerry can lazima tubebe
My fren unless wewe ni drug dealer, peleka msedes DT Dobie… you will curse everyone huko hadi receptionist.
Shieet wacha me nibaki member pale Kirinyaga Road…
sitawai rudi DT Dobie…nilishika Adabu
Juzi nikiangusha suspect pale kwa safe house i had parked my X6 nje ya kibanda
Nugu hii haujakufa?
Niaje Uwes?
After driving it for a couple years. To you it your car to some people its a mercedes benz. Coincidentaly these people are the ones who write these articles
Boss you dont belong here. Peleka kwashiorkor kwa post ya bedsitter ama kunguru za mbao.
:D:D:D
Actually both the arm and the car
:D:D:Dnaona tuko wengi. my condolences
Hii ni mwisii ya Maralal Camel Derby.
Mtu huishi nyumba chafu kama ile tuliona hii nyangau ikiuwa panya hafai kuongea mahali watu wanaongelea magari.
Gari za watu wengine haziezi oshwa na maji baridi
jama haana benz na hana originality… nunua boda-boda ya 32k first b4 you begin kuongea juu ya benz. Anza hapo… and kwa bodaboda there is no window to stick your hand out of